That was the first time I actually got to sleep since that night at the ruins. My mind was still racing… but I think my body just couldn’t stay awake any longer. I only woke up briefly due to Tadwick’s nightly screaming fit. But somebody else must have gone in to calm him down because it was only brief and I drifted off again almost instantly.

  As I slept, I was haunted by the events in that cave. By Kiyui’s demon form. By the sight of him biting down on Agaroth’s neck. I was getting agitated… I was sweating something rotten. Then I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and I sat up feeling horrendously winded.

  Tadwick: “Svampe has a girlfriend!”

  It was Tadwick… he had jumped on me to wake me up. I couldn’t speak initially… I needed to get my breath back… but the impact had woken Kiyui up. Kiyui sat up next to me and rubbed his eyes.

  Kiyui: “Tadpole, honey. What are you talking about?”

  Svampe burst into the room and grabbed Tadwick by the waist.

  Svampe: “You were told to let them rest.”

  Tadwick: “Put me down! Grandma said I could talk to them in the morning!”

  Svampe: “When they are up and ready. Now get back in the kitchen.”

  Tadwick attempted to resist. He was flailing his arms… hitting Svampe with his fists, but Svampe paid him no mind, flung him over his shoulder, and walked out of the room, using his tendrils to shut the door.

  Kiyui looked at me and laughed slightly. That’s the first time I have seen him genuinely smile in the last few days. Being around the kids is definitely good for him. I think giving up adventuring will be the right move for us… I really do.

  Kiyui: “You think that’s true?”

  Dwynfel: “If it is, then you’re the one having the sex talk with him.”

  Kiyui: “Oh, please. We had that a long time ago. And he already knew the basics. Hell, the boys are getting close to that age. Probably going to need to talk to them soon.”

  Dwynfel: “Please, don’t say that. I don’t want to think about them two doing that… ever.”

  Kiyui: “Well, they both probably already know the mechanics of it anyway. We live on a farm, remember. They’ve seen the animals having sex loads. Let’s face it… it is rather hard to miss when the horses are going at it.”

  Dwynfel: “You say that… I don’t think that Tadwick has made the connection yet. I think he views what animals do and what humans do as separate things.”

  Kiyui: “True… he hasn’t quite realised that humans are just animals who like to pretend otherwise.”

  I flung myself back onto my pillow and tried to put the thought of explaining this stuff to the boys out of my head.

  Kiyui: “Who do you think it is? Think it’s one of the girls from that village he saved?”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t see how. That village is too far away, they wouldn’t have even been able to send more than a letter or two in this time.”

  Kiyui: “Romance can be very swift, you know.”

  Dwynfel: “Given how terrified he is of social contact, I definitely cannot see him being a swift romancer.”

  Kiyui: “Fair point.”

  Dwynfel: “We should start getting ready. We don’t want to be late for the funeral.”

  I threw back the bedsheet and swivelled my legs round to stand up. Kiyui placed his hand on my shoulder.

  Kiyui: “Before we do… we need to talk.”

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  Okay… this is it. He’s opening up. Be calm… try not to get emotional. Don’t make him feel bad… just… don’t fuck this up.

  I swivelled my legs back onto the bed and sat with him once more.

  Dwynfel: “Of course… what do you wish to discuss?”

  Kiyui: “Why have you gone so formal?”

  Dwynfel: “Sorry… I just… I’m worried that I’ll say something stupid and make things worse.”

  Kiyui: “Dwyn, you are not going to make the situation worse. I just… I need to talk about the other night.”

  Dwynfel: “I knew this was coming, and I am honestly so, so, so, so sorry. I should never have lied to you. That whole situation was my fault and…”

  Kiyui: “No.”

  Dwynfel: “What do you mean, no?”

  Kiyui: “I mean, that isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about later.”

  Dwynfel: “I’m sorry… I really am… my ankle was fucked and I couldn’t stand properly… I’m sorry that I had somebody else get you ready for bed, I really…”

  Kiyui: “For Gaia’s sake, Dwynfel. Stop apologising. I am the one who should be apologising here.”

  I looked at him, perplexed.

  Kiyui: “It genuinely doesn’t occur to you that I did anything wrong, does it?”

  Dwynfel: “But you didn’t do anything wrong… that stuff in the cave wasn’t you… I lied to you about it… then you had a breakdown because of it…”

  Kiyui: “Stop. Just… stop talking.”

  Dwynfel: “Sorry.”

  Kiyui: “In the bedroll… what I did in the bedroll, Dwyn. It was wrong.”

  I continued to look at him with confusion. I don’t understand…

  Kiyui: “I forced myself on you. You said no… more than once. You said it didn’t feel right. You ended up having to push me off you.”

  Dwynfel: “You were in the middle of a severe emotional meltdown… honestly, I understand… its fine… I’m just sorry I didn’t handle it better.”

  Kiyui: “Stop that. Stop doing that!”

  Dwynfel: “What?”

  Kiyui: “Making out like everything is your fault, everything is your responsibility, everything that has ever gone wrong is all because of you. It isn’t, Dwyn. You are not the complete fuck-up that you think you are. Sometimes other people are in the wrong. Sometimes something is somebody else’s fault. I fucked up. I did something horrible to you. I put you in a really awful position and you are sat there trying to take the blame for it. So just stop it. Stop it right now.”

  Dwynfel: “But…”

  He shot me an icy glare of rage.

  Kiyui: “Don’t you dare!”

  He took a deep breath and his face mellowed.

  Kiyui: “What I did was wrong. The fact that I was having a breakdown does not make it okay. I am very liberal when it comes to sex. But don’t for a second think that I don’t believe that consent is important… it can’t just be brushed to one side because somebody is upset or angry or whatever. Emotional instability does not excuse unacceptable behaviour. It was clear that you didn’t want to. You clearly said no. I was wrong… and I am so… so sorry.”

  He hung his head and turned away from me. I put my hand on his shoulder and he flinched slightly. Gods… he feels so ashamed that even me touching him is putting him on edge.

  Dwynfel: “Kiyui… please turn around.”

  Kiyui: “I can’t… I love you… and I did that… I’m… I just… I can’t”

  Dwynfel: “Please, Kiyui. Look at me.”

  He turned to look at me with his big beautiful eyes… eyes so full of sadness and guilt.

  Dwynfel: “Neither of us were at our best that night, okay. I fucked up… you fucked up. We both feel awful and we are both sorry. But we are both still here. We are still together. I don’t want this to destroy us. I don’t want to lose you. I love you… and I can’t live my life without you.”

  I could swear that I saw a little glimmer of hope shine in his eyes in that moment. He reached for my hand and held it gently.

  Kiyui: “I love you too, Dwyn. I need you to know that I will never… ever… do that again. And I promise you, with everything I have, we will make it through this.”