Chapter 26: Kusarigama

  “If you want the client to agree to anything, start quoting latin and using really obscure technical jargon. Works every. single. time.”

  – Deceased Attorney Carl Leach, of Leach, Ditcher and Taynt, advice to new lawyers in online AMA

  ***

  “So, that idea you had?” I asked while taking a gun break. I just relaxed, shooting aliens so quietly that… ok, not the most quietly but I was working on it!

  I used a super shotgun, those aren’t really supposed to be quiet!

  Still, the hive didn’t seem too focused on us so I’d keep using it.

  It is, in part, similar to a Kusarigama. It is long, flexible and weighted at one end. Depending on what you wish, it will appear similar to a belt most of the time and you will be able to deploy it quickly and effectively to deal severe damage. The weight has options to deploy vibro-blades, spikes and an extremely sharp piercing tip.

  It will be affixed to your back and you will have the ability to control the ‘chain’ in this case. Would you like to buy it? It is a bit on the pricier side, but should be a very effective tool.

  I kept thinking about it as I basically did aiming practice. There weren’t many aliens, so I could use the experience as meditative shooting! Wait… did I need aiming practice with an aim assist module? Meh, maybe?

  A long chain affixed to my back sounded weird, but seeing it as a belt that would whip out and slam or slash aliens made a bit more sense. It seemed odd, but it could be one of those things that made sense when you saw it in person instead of having it described?

  “Do you think it would’ve helped me in the mosh pit?” I asked, remembering the humbling experience.

  Without question. I dare say that it may have doubled your lethality during the melee portions of combat.

  That kind of sealed it for me. A strong melee tool that would allow me to be closer to that picture Altany had painted. I didn’t feel manipulated simply because it sounded like exactly who and what I wanted to be.

  I was a protector. It’s what brought me pride, brought me joy! That’s who I was at the moment, but given the amount of human blood in this corridor and how many times I didn’t make it in time? I wasn’t good enough yet.

  Robin had helped me work on self-recrimination a lot. I did my real, honest best, and it’s all that could be asked of me. I didn’t blame myself, I just wanted… needed to be better. To be more.

  If I could stand in the way of a horde headed for my people, my family? That’s how I wanted to live my life.

  Jesus cat molesting Christ if I had the strength to dive down into the bowels of the building? Kill that hive myself all on my own without anyone else being put in danger?

  I felt fucking determined. I wanted it.

  “Buy it. Spend more points on it if it’ll help, make it really good.”

  Understood. Upgrading. Actually, I finished before saying anything. It will cost three hundred and twenty five points. The original system cost one hundred and seventy-five. I added better neural integration and a few more offensive options along with a few other features. Is this price acceptable?

  It was expensive, and I’d been spending a lot, but it wouldn’t surprise me if I made just as much in the last ten minutes. My ‘fuck fuck fuck someone’s in trouble!’ running and killing sprints had been pretty profitable.

  Hell, another melee tool meant ammoless kills! The thing would be an investment, really. It’d pay for itself.

  “Sure! Let’s see this thing!” I felt pretty excited to be honest! I told the twins to take over while I upgraded.

  ***

  Fatima took a break, drinking a bottle of some sort of sports drink a militia guy brought her. Aisha looked at her, excited. “So, what kind of equipment are you thinking of buying?”

  She loved Aisha with all her heart. The woman had such an incredible ability to see the bright side of life. They’d just been clearing apartments, finding horror after horror, and there she was, bright eyed and excited!

  Fatima felt excited too, but she hadn’t been nearly as much until Aisha asked her! “Honestly? I’m not sure, we never got to actually shop for things! It’ll be fun, I think? They make it look fun on the shows.”

  They both talked softly over private comms while racking up points until they had enough to buy things. There weren’t many xenos, and with both of them? It was super easy work.

  I think you’ll enjoy the experience. I can make 3D models of items you’d be interested in and show them to you in your visual augmentations, even animate a few of them.

  “Oooohhhh, that does sound super fun.” Fatima saw her girlfriend from the corner of her eye, smiling wide even with her cheek on her gun and eye through the sights.

  Altany seemed really interested in being friendly and she didn’t mind in the slightest. If she was paired with the boss, that made her part of the team in a way, right? The AI was also fun to talk to sometimes, yet knew when to leave all of them alone. She also helped a lot whenever she could, like the boss!

  Out of curiosity, while there weren’t any good targets, Fatima turned her head to look at Louis. He’d always be Louis to her. He was a friend, period. It was weird to see his expressions through the animated eyes.

  All the enforcers made an agreement that no one would tell him just how expressive those were. Hell, they all thought he didn’t actually control them most of the time! Just let his normal eye movements bleed through, or the program translated his emotions maybe? Who the hell knew.

  “I’m guessing the boss is upgrading?” She said before both of them switched to the main channel in unison. He often spoke to his AI in enforcer comms, forgetting to turn off his mic. Lucky guess!

  “Ok, so I… ah, alright, that's on top…” He said while struggling with two white plastic half-circle tubes. He ended up putting them together at belt height.

  Interesting, sure, but they had aliens to kill and she could ask later. Fatima refocused downrange, but nothing yet.

  Aisha wasn’t that patient however. She spoke very softly. “Altany, what’s the boss buying?”

  It’s a surprise.

  They both froze. That… That was concerning. Very concerning. Louis hated surprises. That meant, this’d be a surprise from Altany. They both looked at each other, and with a quick glance to make sure there were no aliens up front, they looked back at him.

  There was an installation of sorts in progress. His armor shifted and the tube around his waist fell off. It looked like… a belt? Some kind of cylinders wrapped a bit above his waist. He stared off into nothing which probably meant some neural thing? It had a metal spike…

  His animated eye twitched comically. “Nop.”

  Then, he walked towards them! They both looked back up front. “I don’t care.” His voice was ‘furious calm’ and he was walking towards them! Shit!

  Thankfully, he kept walking. “I’m not using it.” They both looked at Jean-Pierre, who appeared just as confused and concerned as they were.

  Apparently Louis shut off his mic, because when the samurai screamed so loud it was audible through his super helmet “I’m not fucking using it!”, it didn’t burst their eardrums.

  Then the boss went to deal with some model threes. They’d just turned the corner, doing some intel gathering or something.

  They had no idea they were walking into the path of an extremely mad panda!

  ***

  Sofia looked at her boss, mentor and now, fucking samurai saint! The sight made her shudder.

  She’d killed people before. It was kind of part of the job and she’d been forced to. Hell, that hadn’t been her first time either. Killing aliens was a lot better on the soul. It even felt pretty damn good! She liked killing aliens…

  This on the other hand? It horrified her. He didn’t use a single blade. No, the man just beat the aliens to death!

  With all the power from those augs and that armor? One of the little ones just exploded! He stomped another so many times, his boots damaged the concrete! “Oh my god…” Slipped out of sir Albert, the taciturn.

  “Hum… Altany, what did you do?” She asked with quite a lot of apprehension.

  This is good for him. It is a diversion that will help his mental state and I suspect when he calms down, it will help amuse him. It is also a very powerful tool in his arsenal.

  The boss apparently wanted to test out breaking heads by swinging xenos by the legs. It worked. They’d really need a cleanup bot after this…

  He will appreciate it in time.

  The normally intense Akira appeared just as shaken while staring at the display. They could tell by the way Panda moved his head that he was shouting from time to time. What the fuck did Altany do?

  Suddenly, they both turned as Jean-Pierre barely held in a massive laugh! “What is it?” She asked but he couldn’t answer. The guy was doubled over, bracing himself on his shield. He just couldn’t stop laughing quietly behind his hand!

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Then, the shots rang out.

  They came from deeper in and it was the loudest sound they’d heard since starting the breach! They all knew, that just rang the dinner bell. Shit.

  “... gaping cum drenched prolapsing asshole plowed by a fucking chlamydia ridden…” The boss had apparently switched channels without stopping the impractically long and disgusting sentence. He finished a moment after and then actually started giving them instructions!

  “Take off those fucking silencers and prepare for a real fight! Twins keep clearing, I need everyone else to move forward right fucking now! Militia stay with the twins for now! Help ‘em clear those apartments! Get survivors back and treated! Get the rest of the enforcers over here! Leave three back with the other entrance! Secure the exit passage!”

  Jean-Pierre was still chuckling as they moved forward.

  What the actual fuck did Altany do?!

  ***

  “I’m not using it…” I muttered as I ran towards the shots. Echolocation told me we had quite a few new punching bags-I meant enemies on the way.

  I’d gotten all fucking excited for a new weapon that would really improve my combat potential! It was supposed to be this awesome new thing but nooooo, Altany decided to give me… that.

  It is a very advanced system. The neural integration and materials are only available through Mole-Bear Technologies class 2.

  “Still not using it!” Whoever started shooting kept going, which meant they were still alive. I quickly passed by the first passage that would lead to the central courtyard.

  We… had a bit of a fight on our hands. I hoped my people could handle it while I secured the other two problem areas.

  You could be ending a lot more of the antithesis on the way.

  “God damn it!” She was right. I knew she was right and she knew that I knew she was right. I was basically running and kneeing, with my leg armor forming sharp metal wedges, at the same time.

  It wasn’t enough. Fuck, even the drive-by slicing with vibro-blades wasn’t enough! Suddenly, I felt a responsibility to use it… partially.

  The fucking thing had been twitching every now and then. Honestly, that fucking mental integration made it really hard to keep still. So, I let go.

  My new gaping goat fucking god forsaken tail unwrapped itself…

  As I turned a corner at full speed, planting a spiked foot on the wall to turn faster and launching myself down towards the shots, it struck.

  An almost tiger sized model three received a heavy and extremely sharp spike to the throat! The results were predictably gory!

  It will not be nearly as effective if you do not deploy its main offensive feature.

  “I’m not fucking using it!” I would resist for as long as I fucking could!

  The new tail was pretty impressive in many ways. It connected to my neural wreath directly and I actually felt it! Altany had really spent a lot on the neural stuff. It felt like I’d always had a tail!

  The spike was made up of a super dense staballoy, some mix of uranium, tungsten, vanadium and/or whatever. It could deploy four vibro-blades and was deadly as all hell!

  If that had been the extent of it…

  You are in range, the person shooting is an enforcer. It’s Francis Dubois.

  I engaged my mental coprocessor! I had to hurry and think. I might have to defend both sides of a corridor. Not good.

  However, I found Francis! Fuck yeah! The guy had been an HMG operator in a PMC before having drug problems and ending up down here.

  That happened pre-purge, me and the enforcers present and or alive at the time helped him get clean. I liked him. The man loved the fight, like me, a true warrior. Had a damn good heart too. The kind of guy that fought for the people next to him.

  He mostly dealt with LMGs now, and had prosthetics that should be on a cargo-bot! I had no doubt the guy could defend one of the entrances by himself! I’d probably be able to give him an HMG he could fire from the hip at that! Plus esoteric ammo… oh yeah, the dude would be deadly! Not the most mobile, but deadly as all hell!

  I wouldn’t send him on rescue operations, but he’d be a fucking good defender! “Is he injured?” I asked with apprehension.

  Yes, severely. One of his arm prosthetics is missing and his left leg is currently inoperable. His only wound is a heavily bleeding bite on his side, thankfully bandaged. He is currently laying prone in a shuttered coffee shop. The shooting started when the antithesis breached the anti-theft front door.

  Altany spoke at the speed my coprocessor allowed and I did the same. “Fuck! I’ll have to guard that entrance from both sides of the damn corridor. Can you connect me to Francis?” I pushed my alloy muscles as much as possible! Without the coprocessor and boosted reflexes, I’d have been tumbling through aliens the whole way!

  Connecting now…

  “Huh? Boss? Hey…” Fucking hell, my friend sounded injured. The words came between bursts of gunfire.

  I remembered to talk at normal speed. “Francis! I’m real close! Hang on! Altany, is there anyone else in there?”

  “The… Argh!... The fucking… fridge boss… Please…” He grunted like firing his gun hurt like hell.

  Yeah, shooting while down a few limbs and in horrendous pain was the type of shit he’d do. Hell, it somehow wasn’t the first time! He sounded worse than that night, however…

  There is a walk-in freezer on the plans for this coffee shop. I believe the freezer acts as a Faraday cage. You will have to open it to find assistance.

  “Civvies… Help them… I’m not…” I didn’t let him finish.

  “Shut the fuck up Francis! I’m not leaving you to die! You missed some news apparently! Just hang on, I’m almost there!” My new tail swished with agitation, the tip slicing and dicing with its vibro-blades on the way.

  It would be much easier to defend this position if you…

  “I’m not fucking using it! Need super napalm, Altany!” I shouted as I arrived around the corner. The anti-theft rolling door had apparently done its job, for the most part.

  It sported a hole and some model four was trying to widen it. That hentai monster got its limbs shot off repeatedly. The smaller model threes tried to get in but met lead resistance.

  I jumped forward and started firing thick as hell rounds a bit further than the front of the store. Didn’t want to melt the door after all! My railgun hummed before it spat much larger shells, slower but much more methodically, behind me.

  I may have been… overzealous in my application of literal firepower, but the corridor was definitely unpassable! Now I just had to deal with the shitstains in front of me!

  Oh, the tail did great, and I could admit that! Sending it piercing at the core of a model four, sliding in like butter with those vibro-blades leading the way felt kind of awesome!

  But still, I would not use… that.

  I made short work of them, then found out that the door was definitely not rated for ‘anxious samurai’. There may have been some shrapnel… None of it hit Francis of course!

  However, I took a few panicked shots before Francis realized I wasn’t an alien. They hit my shin guards but I already had extra plates and stuff in there. Those bullets made me fall forward but I rolled with it!

  Literally. Thanks reflex enhancers!

  He looked confused as all hell. Dude must have missed the announcement. The moment Francis realized there was a samurai in the room, he fainted.

  God, the guy must really have been pushing his limits! Good old Francis…

  I rocketed my way to the fridge and opened it. I saw little cards pop up over the people in there until…

  Her!

  The little info card above her that said ‘militia, ex-nurse’ pulsed bright green. Perfect!

  “Francis needs you!” I said as I grabbed her under the arms and carried her over as fast as I could! The coffee shop was small so it didn’t take long. “Altany, connect and give instructions! Class 2 medical stuff now!”

  On it.

  To her credit, the ex-nurse went into professional mode almost instantly. She started administering drugs along with the class two nano-regenerative suite. Doctor Altany would handle things.

  I went back outside and aimed down the corridor.

  The problem with viscous chlorine-trifluoride was that it burned a lot quicker than napalm, and you could overcome a napalm obstacle if you didn’t care about the meat you were smothering it with.

  I sent more down there, but the xenos still advanced. Unlike the mosh pit fight, there wasn’t a better route. Instead of funneling, I had to make pure barriers. The corner wasn’t far behind me either, which meant I wouldn’t be able to shoot over any fire much.

  They started getting shoulder to shoulder in here. The corridor had plenty of width for the bigger models along with a few friends.

  At least I had a long corridor in front. “Death-Spinners and a couple Hyper-sonics! Got a better version of those with that new tier of esoteric large bore? Pretty sure all my railgun ammo is from there.” Learn from my mistakes! Ask for help from the super AI faster!

  I do, but it is rather expensive and you may be a bit locked in place. It should clear a large portion of the corridor. You’ll need an inexpensive addition to your coilgun kit too. It needs activation distance so you must make your choice quickly.

  Neural coprocessor for the win! What could I do to protect my back while using the super shells? “Buy it, quick install and buy a couple turrets pointing back. That and my… fucking tail should be enough!” It was pretty long. If I just let it dangle it would touch the ground and have some slack.

  Get on one knee. Also, you’d be better protected if…

  “I’m not using it!” I said through clenched teeth while installing the new piece of kit. I fired shots in between slapping pieces of metal where Altany told me to as they appeared in my hand. The two turrets did their best but echolocation told me I had quite a few fuckers incoming…

  “God goat fucking damn it!” I shouted before activating the horsecock sucking piece of shit function…

  The tail utilized a double hydraulic system along with two very power-hungry functions. So power hungry I’d have to upgrade my power-core if I wanted to use both of them and the new upgrades to my railgun at the same time.

  The ‘tubes’ were segmented into four sections, each covered by a plate that slid back.

  The first hydraulic sent out long, thin strands of an electroactive polymer. Perfecting them was apparently a big advancement with Mole-Bear Technologies class 2.

  It meant that they would harden considerably with an electrical current but they couldn’t when touching each other, something about the magnetic fields or some such. It meant they wouldn’t damage each other and they’d find unique positions before hardening.

  They were a bit thicker than hair and there weren’t quite enough of them to really call it fur, but still…

  “You. Gave. Me. A. Fucking. Fuzzy. Tail.” I said, enunciating every word with as much rage and venom as I could. The second hydraulic system made them sprout tiny spikes! One up top and tight rings of four all up and down the fucking pseudo-fur.

  Although it does resemble hair, there are not nearly enough of them and they are not thin or soft enough to claim it is a fuzzy tail.

  I hardened all of them before activating the vibro-blade motors embedded in the bases.

  Fair point. It seems I did give you a fuzzy tail.

  Her voice stayed mostly flat, but I could tell if Altany had been human, she’d be laughing her fucking ass off…

  “Who made the bet?” I asked with murderous ideas in mind. The strands alternated color based on the cylinder, so it switched between red and black, like a fucking red panda…

  The cylinders could activate independently, which would save on power and prevent collateral damage. Said damage would be… substantial. Instead of simple blades, the hard spikes moving up and down would act more like (very tiny) omnidirectional chainsaws!

  It was a mix of brutal, metal and A FUCKING FUZZY TAIL!

  As a hive hound got close enough through the constant fire from the turrets, I swiped at its face angrily with my stupid tail. I wouldn’t argue with the results as the buzzing fur turned everything it touched into nothing but slush!

  The center of the tail couldn’t pass through, slapping into the side of its face hard. It threw the thing to the side and even more got ripped back and away, splashing onto the wall in a truly massive splash of plant gore!

  I will neither confirm nor deny that a bet was made.

  I kept grumbling and swearing under my breath.

  If it helps, I believe you will very much appreciate your new hyper-sonic shell.