Chapter 16: Mad Panda

  “A samurai’s name isn’t just a name, or a brand. Many samurais with terrible names have gone on to do great things.

  We all miss Sprocket Rocket. We’ve mourned the passing of Busy Beaver. I’ve lost so many brothers and sisters… Many of them had ridiculous names…

  No, it’s who a samurai is, what they do with the power they’ve been given, that makes the name mean something. My big bro… He made it mean something…”

  –Interview with samurai Longbow at the funeral of samurai Clowny Clive, 2051

  ***

  Altany distracted me from Johnny’s conversation since as my mind got fucked by protector tech. “So, you thinkin’ of a name?”

  “Nah…” I said as I felt my new weapon connect. I’d have to get used to it, but I wasn’t there yet. Now was the rough part.

  Downloading combat armor movement adaptation for The Flowing Magma Pelt Mark 8, adjusted for Tunneler Mark 12…

  We had most of the enforcers at our back and they waited for my signal. It put pressure on me, being the big bad samurai here to save the day. That’s why I didn’t stumble.

  I had to present a strong front. However, yeah, my mind got railed hard, without lube. It felt unpleasant to say the least. Only a minor adjustment of my shifting… or my armor’s shifting, but my armor was me but it wasn’t yet I- Argh!

  It didn’t make me less effective, but it changed a whole lot. Since the shifting happened on an instinctual level for me, that meant my instincts got rewritten. Pretty goat fucking awful overall!

  “I mean, I wouldn’t go with just ‘panda’. Ain’t a good name.” I turned to him, trying to regain the flow of conversation.

  “Uh, yeah, no, you’re probably right. Heard another samurai had to name me…” I said, trying to pull my jumbled thoughts together.

  “I mean, you’re stuck with the panda thing which ain’t my cup of tea but you do you.”

  “Got any ideas?” I asked as a distraction. Look strong, look strong, look strong…

  “How about Panda King?” The idiot asked with a smile. I just stared for a second. My animated eyes conveyed my disapproval as much as possible and bought me some more time. “No. Fuck no, actually.”

  “Wait, wait, what about Pandagger?!” I decided that Johnny Law was a fucking moron.

  “How can I emphasize more than ‘fuck no’ without hurting your chaste little mind?” Yeah, fuck looking strong. My enforcers were all straight up laughing at me now.

  “Oh, oh! Panda Express!” Kevin said, that mother fucker.

  “Remember that promise I made about breaking your arm buddy?” He raised his hands in surrender, but the shit eating grin didn’t go anywhere.

  “Panda Boy!” Came from someone smart enough to hide from my wrath. My animated eyes turned out to be very expressive! A few ideas flew back and forth before one of the militia guys shouted for attention.

  A few of the tanky bastards surrounded by hive hounds, bad-touch tentacles and sniper fuckers came. Every so often, a bigger asshole would come in and trample or push the last wave to the sides.

  That meant, the corridor got tighter, and in some spots funneled quite a bit. “Shit!” Johnny Law exclaimed before raising his lever action. I put my hand on it and lowered the rifle.

  “You’ve never seen me fight have you?” I asked calmly. The other samurai looked at me very dumbly.

  “I’ve seen you shoot!” That earned him a few snorts and laughs.

  “Everyone take cover! Militia around the corner. I got the fuckers. If something survives, Johnny Law will take care of it.” I didn’t ask for his opinion but I doubted he’d mind.

  My railgun deployed and I lengthened the barrel as much as possible. The Tunneler reassembled itself in my arm and I aimed.

  My people needed a show. I wanted them to know they had a real samurai to protect them. It was time to fuck some shit up!

  ***

  Lila looked at her boss, sometimes lover, savior and liberator. He was a sight to behold in a fight. He shot fine, but no, it was how he moved, interacted with his environment and especially, how he fought in melee. That’s where those Kai cunts could never top him.

  They had guns, lots of them. The Kais weren’t limited to this megabuilding. Their territory could be seen on a map of New-Montreal! When they wanted you dead, they sent good guns… Well, for a gang.

  Hers couldn’t field captured ones because of the ammo. The Bear-Yakuza just didn’t have the right contacts to buy the expensive or exotic shit.

  Lila smiled at the thought. They sure as fuck did now!

  In melee though, Louis was the equalizer. It didn't matter if the enemy had better augs, better melee weapons, were bigger, faster, no, he always won. Never had to be rescued or anything.

  In melee that is, the man got shot to shit plenty. Even then, her boss never, ever stopped! Sure, martial arts VR and his mom taught him tons, but that only played a small role. Her leader had a cause, the love of fighting Lila had as well as the heart she didn’t.

  Her heart got ripped out long ago, but his still beat strong, even after all the horrible shit they’d been through. He… might be making hers come back to life if she was honest with herself.

  That man had a reason to live, to fight, to kill! He never fought for credits, even before the revolution. Panda just cared about people, his people most but still, he always gave people a shot.

  It worked out well most of the time. It took a while for him to convince her that people weren’t shitty by nature.

  Now here he was. A mother fucking samurai! Not only that, a samurai with no plan to bolt and leave everyone else in the dust!

  When someone could leave, they did, and Louis always smiled and sent them off happily. No betrayal or judgement, just happiness at his people doing better.

  Lila had a guess at what would happen. It was time to finish the project.

  ‘Altany, all’s in place?’

  The coverage is patchy at best, but I can get most of the central ones and raise the volume, it should have the desired effect. I have created malware that will jump from system to system within limits.

  ‘So that’s a yes?’

  The AI really liked to prattle on. It was cute!

  For philistines, it is an accurate assessment and reduction of my report upon my incredible work and capabilities in accomplishing the task that was asked of me and that I took on voluntarily.

  Lila snorted. She also had some spunk!

  ***

  Johnny Law looked at the insane maniac and tried to raise his jaw from the floor. There were like three model sixes! All of them were surrounded by a ton of xenos!

  Do not worry, he has the capabilities to accomplish the task. So do you for that matter.

  “That ain’t my problem with this.” He didn’t care about looking insane at the moment. These aliens were extremely dangerous and the damned fool wanted to do it on his own? Was he just that hungry for points?

  “Why?” That mystery chick looked at him and smiled.

  “Because he wants to.” That was both not an explanation, yet somehow explained everything.

  “Battle maniac?” He asked. She shrugged.

  “Battle maniac with a vengeance? At least with a family to protect.” Now that made more sense.

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  Johnny had never been a family kind of guy. His parents had sucked donkey balls, but he got it. Something was up with everyone around him too. They were all watching something on their augs. Some laughed, cheered or made bets.

  Some had a thousand yard stare but still life in their eyes. A spark of… anger? Vindictiveness? “What are they watching?” Lila smiled at him again.

  “Here.” He received a link.

  This is a direct connection request. It will link you to Lila’s ocular feed.

  ‘Why?’

  It seems she possesses ocular augmentations of decent quality, for a human. She should have good zooming capabilities and is filming. I believe you are being invited to see the show. My sister AI seems to be involved in making and maintaining the connections.

  ‘The show?’

  Yes. I believe this may be an interesting experience for you! You may learn some things or be inspired.

  Johnny shrugged. Why the fuck not?

  ***

  I had a lot of points to make up for. Also some pent-up aggression. The second part may have played a big role in my decision… Oh wait! New gear to test! Such a better justification.

  The long range ones started shooting pretty quick. What wasn’t deflected? None got through to my skin. The kinetic energy was still annoying as fuck.

  My railgun hummed, barrel extended for more speed and range. I fired. The same flash of white followed by thermite going through everything greeted me.

  The recoil control system worked very well. I launched one shot after the other while the small fry rushed at me mindlessly. I’d already loaded a mag of super buckshot. Time to have fun!

  I knew in a way I couldn’t put into words how to manipulate my gun using only my mind. A sort of… instinctual calculus went through my head in less than a second. I chose the amount of propellant and unleashed hell.

  Video games really gave the wrong impression about shotguns. They made it look like buckshot could only kill at, like, five meters. The truth? Buckshot stayed deadly effective even at fifty meters, depending on this and that. Even further out, each pellet did as much damage as a 9mm bullet from a pistol.

  Of course, that was normal buckshot. I fired twice as many and fifty percent bigger pellets out of a lengthened barrel. Oh, and of course, I’d just passed double normal velocity. Usually, the spread could be problematic. Right now though, it simply meant shredding more of the fuckers. My railgun never stopped shooting of course, like a slow metronome.

  With the model fives mostly handled and the threes dying in droves, I shifted my attention towards those model fours! Sure, the super buckshot did plenty of damage, but I wanted to see what happened when I doubled the velocity with hyper-compressed buckshot!

  The answer? They fucking exploded! I couldn’t shoot as quickly because double velocity kicked back like a very fucking pissed off mule. However, every single one of those slugs went through a ton of meat, creating massive holes!

  Oh, now a model six was getting pissed! “Come here you shitty bull replacement!” I had to laugh. This was the best! I tried out one of Altany’s new experiments.

  Suddenly, a good chunk of its back including, most importantly, its fucking spine compressed to a tiny little ball!

  “I’m sorry…” I said as I laughed hard enough to spoil my aim a bit. “That little ball’s just so fucking funny…”

  No apologies needed, it is why I gave it to you. Amusing and effective. Words to live by.

  I got my shit together and kept swiss-cheesing the little shits. Had to love the magazine capacity! Although, I needed to reload the propellant as well. It took long enough for a model six to get close. “Would you kindly reload for me?”

  Of course.

  The Tunneler disassembled as the Paw did the opposite. However, the six legged tank got too fucking close for an overhead swing to its head. Thankfully, I did chop off one of its legs at the ‘knee’. It felt great to see it tumble before hitting me.

  The stumbling hit ended up too weak to do any kind of damage. It just pushed me back as the asshole skidded to a stop.

  It did try to bite me, but I evaded those fucking massive jaws! Heavy armor, ground spikes and modded muscles kept me standing beautifully! Since mister meat tank’s head was right there, I got an idea.

  I climbed the thing’s nose before it could stand up then stabbed both of my hands in with vibro-blade claws to grab its fucking skull. Not sure how the concrete wall compared for toughness.

  Neither held up well to one of my knee strikes! I blade-punched the hole a few times just to be sure, and maybe to vent a bit… Fight now, grieve later.

  The green munchkins came closer since I stopped shooting them into minced meat. I reduced the charge on my compressed buckshot since they got so close. That also meant, much lower recoil, hence higher rate of fire. It made for a great tungsten shower!

  There could be a sex joke with that but I couldn’t think of it. I did like the imagery of pissing on the antithesis!

  What can I say, they pissed me off.

  While reloading, I tried something out and… Yes! I could actually use my armor to bring a vape pen to my mouth.

  I had a good reason! I needed the speed boost to handle the last model six a bit special. Fuck that thing tasted great.

  There was an idea I needed to try out given my strength. The speed boost would help my timing. Pushing through my shower of buckshot, the model six started accelerating.

  Slowly, I made my way to the left side of the corridor. I had to rely on the odd sense of my surroundings that echolocation gave me to avoid stumbling or tripping. This move would… probably work. As it got closer, I focused on timing things just right and…

  I propelled myself towards the other side of the hall with every ounce of strength in my body! Had to use spikes to anchor myself enough. The model six couldn’t turn on a dime. The jump brought me to the other wall, feet first.

  When I got there, I compressed my entire body into a crouch. Then? I used every fucking muscle I had to launch myself at that prolapsing cunt!

  Of course, I fucked up. Timing and elevation were just a bit off. On the other hand, I was a mother fucking massive heavy metal projectile going at fuck you speed and I’d been aiming to knee the bastard in the head!

  My right knee armor created a fat spike with my left leg supporting it from behind. All of it reinforced by alien super metal and aimed straight for its… shoulder… alright.

  It mostly worked! I’m fairly certain I split that piece of shit’s shoulder in half and snapped its spine. He sure as fuck wasn’t moving anymore!

  With a giant grin I’d never let anyone see, I got out the Paw and decapitated it! Ok, it might have taken a couple strikes but still! Only mop up left after that.

  I started moving towards my enforcers, killing a few hive hounds like it was nothing. I felt extremely fucking cool!

  I was also covered in fucking alien gore… again. God damn it. I’d have to buy something for that…

  ***

  I had to spend twenty god damn points for something to clean my armor! I mean, it was shiny now but still! I also bought that very fucking long awaited nanite shower.

  No idea how it worked, but it had already… eaten away the crap on my face and hair, thank the fucking mesh! It cleaned under my armor too which felt amazing.

  When I arrived, Lila grinned at me like a maniac. My helmet was down so I grinned back. I’d just done some really badass shit! Then I realized Robin was there.

  “What do you think of Mad Panda?” I looked at Johnny, a bit baffled. That… was actually a good name. Still panda, but the mad part made it ambiguous, dangerous.

  It added some gravitas, some cool. I’d accepted panda, that didn’t mean I loved it as a nickname. Putting ‘Mad’ in front of it... Yeah, I could fucking work with this!

  “Surprisingly not a stupid name, I fucking like it actually!” He looked at me with wide eyes.

  “That was a joke…” I laughed. Yeah, that’s the only way he’d come up with something decent.

  “Too late! I love it. So, you named me now? I got a real samurai name?” He looked at me for a few seconds of indecision, then just shrugged.

  “Yeah, why in damnation not. I name thee ‘Mad Panda’ or whatever.”

  Suddenly, sound exploded from behind me! I turned around and… nothing. Was it just my ears telling me what all that sound hit? From what I could tell, it had to come from the central concourse...

  “Bear-Yakuza! I got some fucking news!” I turned to Lila, baffled. Wouldn’t that attract the xenos or whatever? I didn’t even know we had an intercom, because who the fuck used those? “Every xeno out there, follow the sound of my voice to the central plaza so we can kill you better!”

  It will make them focus on areas with less civilians.

  Altany had been weirdly silent. “Everyone in our territory! Stay hidden, wait, because we’re coming to get you! We will take back our fucking home! The one we fought for! The one we bled for!” There were shouts of agreement from the civilians, the militia but especially the enforcers. I was starting to get a feeling…

  “There’s a samurai in the building! Not just a fucking cleaner, a real fucking warrior!” I could see the fire, the determination she sparked in everyone’s eyes. Everyone who heard her would get hope.

  I’d seen people kill themselves or even their loved ones to avoid the worst. Usually, when things were hopeless. I couldn’t see that again.

  There were tears, lots of them. Finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel after crawling through broken glass, acid and shit for years.

  “I’m sending everyone some footage! If you’re in range of any machine you’ll get it! You’ll see he’s a fighter!” Robin openly cried, a smile on his face, looking me straight in the eyes.

  “Best news… He ain’t going nowhere after this. You fucking know him. Louis Larose! Now also known as Mad Panda! He’s one of us! And you know he’s here to fucking stay! Hang tight people! We’re on our fucking way!!!” Everyone’s eyes were filled with tears as cheers erupted like a volcano.

  I got some footage, a reel of what I’d just done, plus some earlier footage. Altany and Robin probably compiled it. I hugged Robin, we both needed it. It was hard to put the grief aside, but I mostly succeeded.

  The kids were there. Rachael, that little beanpole, was tall enough to be pulled in. I kissed her head, smelled her hair. It smelled like her.

  I grabbed Alice with one arm, hoisted her up in the head huddle, rubbed my cheek on top of her head and kissed it as well. Robin held Jack right under our faces and as the only one with a free hand, he grabbed Lila by the shirt and yanked her into the family hug.

  Not a single dry eye among us. The job wasn’t over, we’d barely begun. However… “We have a chance. I love you guys so fucking much. I will do whatever I have to do to make sure you get that chance.”

  I needed a moment to compose myself, there was something I had to do. I didn’t leave the group hug, of course. I didn’t want to leave.

  “Altany…” I said, my voice growing steadier by the moment, determination burning like fucking thermite in my core. “Patch me in.”

  “Anyone out there, all my people, militia, enforcer, civilian I don’t give a fuck. If you can hear me, I won’t leave you behind. Any fucking one of you. I won’t promise to be on time, and I’m sorry I can’t make that promise.” My eyes met Robin’s, then Lila’s.

  I saw my conviction reflected right back at me. Even Racheal had that look in her eyes. They shared my sentiment exactly, especially what I was about to say. “However, if you’re out there, I will never give up on you. I am not leaving this mother fucking building. I swear to you that I will clear it, or fucking die trying.”