“So what is it you expect from this guy, anyway? What, he gonna wave his fuckin’ magic wand and make all your problems disappear?”

  I just shook my head and breathed out. I’m so tired of his shit. “Look, Johnny. I’m not sure if you realize this, but other people know things, right? Things you don’t know. There’s this thing called knowledge and you can’t get it without this weird phenomenon we call learning.”

  “Great, so you abducted him to teach us what we already know,” he groaned, “You know for a fact that this asshole’s just gonna tell you that the Relic’s killin’ you. Then you’re gonna go home an’ keep livin’ life as a roadie ‘till I take the reins and head center-stage.”

  “Jesus fuck, Johnny, will you just listen?! For like two seconds of your bleak, miserable existence,” I implored him, “I get it, okay? You have a second chance and you wanna go and do your own thing. Okay, cool, fine. But don’t be such a fucking hypocrite about it that you’d take away my existence to do it. Isn’t your whole thing about stopping Mikoshi? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing to me?! Taking away my sense of self?”

  “Mmh…” he thought to himself, sitting on the porcelain throne next to me.

  “Johnny… I– We– don’t have to be enemies, okay?” I said in a calmer tone as I got the rest of the dirt out that clumped all my hair together. Fucking irritating. “Now we’ve done plenty of gigs together so far. We’ve somehow made it work despite all the shit that’s been going on. We’ve been constantly at each other’s throats day in and day out, but let’s face it, neither of us had ever actually stopped to listen to one another. So please, for once, let’s just give this guy a chance.”

  “Yeah, and if it doesn’t work out, then what? We’d have wasted another three days jerkin’ off in a motel room.”

  “Yeah, and so be it,” I rolled my eyes and slammed my hand down on the sink, “Then we try the Voodoo Boys. And if they don’t work out – which they probably won’t, let’s be real – then we move on to the next. And we keep going until we figure this shit out. Okay?”

  Johnny took off his glasses and wiped down his face with his organic hand, “Man, I don’t get your optimism.”

  “It’s hardly optimism, Johnny, I just don’t have a choice,” I sighed as I washed my face again, “Like what am I gonna do? I don’t have the luxury of not covering every single base I can.”

  "Be nice to know where those bases even are."

  "Johnny, I know you probably think I spent my whole time in Benkei Island just sitting around masturbating all day, but believe it or not, I actually did my job."

  "Hm? Benkei, don't recognize that. Thought you went to Hokkaido for your training."

  "What?- Yeah, Benkei's where I went to officer's school. Whatever, that's not important - look, we have at least two bases, and one is sitting in the bedroom right now. So we are making progress."

  “I'll believe that when I see it," Johnny rolled his eyes and clicked his jaw back and forth, "One other thing I am wondering, though…”

  “What’s that?”

  “What happened with that EMP blast?” he thought out-loud, “Shit shoulda flatlined you right then’n there.”

  “Yeah, and we’re damn lucky it didn’t,” I nodded, “Guess this Relic doesn’t have EM shielding. Gonna have to see Vik about that.”

  “Hmm…” he glanced down at the floor.

  “What?”

  “Nothin’, just got me thinkin’, is all,” he idly played with his sunglasses, “First time I was really, honestly scared I was gonna decomish was there.”

  “Wait, can an engram even have a self-preservation instinct?”

  “Think any AI can, with a certain mental capacity, anyway,” he shrugged.

  “Oh, well guess that rules you out, then,” I chuckled at him, “Not to mention that you're the same guy who tried to get me to kill myself on numerous occasions.”

  “Alright, look, fine,” he finally nodded at me, “Maybe I am becomin’ a little more like you. Happy?”

  “Johnny, for fuck’s sake, it’s not a race,” I tried to calm him down a bit, “Here, let’s just talk to this guy and go home, okay?”

  “Sure, whatever.”

  Hellman was still groggy by the time I headed back into the main room. He wasn’t unconscious – more than likely he was just dazed. A quick slap would set him right. But first thing’s first – what do we know…

  Well, I know that the Relic’s killing me. I know it’s doing this because the nanites are overriding chunks of my brain and I can’t turn them off unless I want to become a vegetable – that much became evident when the EMP detonated. And I know that there’s quite possibly no one out there willing or capable enough to help me, so I have to help myself by following up on the most miniscule of leads. If it’s even possible at all. I’m basically being infected by a computer virus, and I only have a few more weeks until my time is up. Not sure if I missed anything, but it’s a start…

  Alright, time to get him up. I took off my jacket and strapped the Agent to my wrist, setting it to record the conversation. I have a feeling this would be important.

  “Hey,” I gave him a quick love-tap on the side of the head, rousing him back to life, “Welcome back.”

  Hellman’s eyes darted around the room with all the grace of a horse backed into the corner of a stable. He was clearly terrified and disoriented – no one knew where he was. Good news for me. “Where am I? What is this place?” he demanded.

  “In a motel outside of city limits,” I told him frankly, “I took you here after my friend and I plunged your AV out of the sky.”

  “What?! Why?”

  “We’ll get to that,” I stopped him, taking a bit of a breather and showing him I meant business by revealing Shinden’s handle. “Now, let me preface this conversation by stating that I regret we had to meet under these circumstances, I’m sure your family is really adorable, blah blah blah, I’ve heard it all before. Though admittedly, my job was reconnaissance, not information extraction,” I brought up my Agent to chest level, “That’s the job of your brainchild. Anders Hellman, Lead Bioengineer of Arasaka Tokyo and Project Director of RELIC 2.0.”

  “Hm, an Agent,” he pointed to my device, “You with Yorinobu Arasaka?”

  “That depends entirely on how you answer my questions,” I grinned slightly at him, “I understand you haven’t come into the office in quite some time. Rather bold of you, considering the company’s reach. Though I’d be more than happy to throw you at the base of Arasaka Tower, just to see what would happen.”

  “I saw your jacket,” he muttered to me, “Captain’s rank on the sleeve. You worked for us, didn’t you?”

  “Hmph, see, this is my issue,” I shook my head and smiled, “I’ll be honest, I’ve only done this a few times. You know, sat down and interrogated someone face-to-face. Now, the last couple of people I've done this with were real wastes of human life, so I’ll admit that I had no compunctions about showing them where each and every nerve ending in their body was first-hand, though I confess that my hand slipped a few times…” I gently brushed against his wounded knee, quietly teasing and scaring the hell out of him, “See, I’m far better at ending lives than anything. Heh, guess I can blame that fact on our mutual former employer, but you already know what we Special Agents can be like, considering how many of us you worked with. So I'd appreciate it if you save me the trouble of hacking your limbs off one-by-one. I'm still a bit sore after massacring your entire security detail.”

  “Mmuhhhhh…” he whimpered, trembling and horrified.

  "Fuck, just get it overwith, then, stop talkin' his head off," Johnny interrupted.

  "Dude, I'm not actually going to do that to someone, I'm just trying to scare him."

  "Yeah, 'cept Woodman."

  "Nah, you gotta admit that Woodman was a piece of shit who got what was coming."

  "Fair," he relented, "Fine, do your thing."

  “Relax,” I insisted, “I’m exaggerating - a friend of mine helped with the whole 'slaughtering' thing. Frankly though, I've already spilled enough blood today. So instead, I’m gonna tell you a story – and don’t worry, it doesn’t involve any pain on your end.” I leaned back in my chair, Johnny appearing behind Hellman. Nice of him to not be a massive pain for once. “Back during the Metal War, there was a particular gentleman I met. Arasaka had green-lit an operation to extract him – apparently he was a Militech whistleblower who’d been captured. But when I got there, I found that Militech weren’t holding him hostage. They were working with him. Turns out, this guy belonged to Arasaka. He worked on some sort of device that repurposed Soulkiller. Told me that Arasaka had weaponized it, even compared it to a form of ‘godhood.’ So when I heard that such a device not only existed, but was housed right here, in Night City? Well…”

  “Ah,” he paused, “You’re the thief who stole it.”

  “I’d… prefer a less provocative word,” I admitted with a shrug, “But yes. In all honesty I was planning on destroying it. Everyone else wanted to sell it off, of course. But that’s neither here nor there. Neither plan came to fruition.”

  “So, what became of it?” Oh, he’s gonna love this… “Are you here to make me an offer?”

  “When have I given you that impression?” I asked him skeptically.

  “That must be why you’re here, right? You kidnap me, threaten me, try and wave my life’s work in front of my face and dangle it over a storm drain, which means you want something from me,” he sat back and relaxed himself on the chair, “If your bosses are willing to make a more compelling offer, then I’d be glad to help.”

  “No, you’re misunderstanding,” I stopped him, “I’m not interested in extortion. I’m interested in survival.” I leaned in close to show him the slot in the side of my head, the one housing the Relic. “Look familiar?”

  “What…? You plugged it in?”

  “And now I have Johnny Silverhand’s engram in my head. An engram that’s slowly killing me. And you’ll help me get it out.”

  “Silverhand…? Engram?” Hellman blinked a few times, looking around the room in disbelief, “That’s impossible, it–”

  “See, this is where I must interject,” I stopped him again mid-sentence, “Because I know that you know that it’s very much possible. You created it, and you know damn well about Johnny's engram."

  "Yes, I know about the engram, but it's imposs-"

  "Shut up," I suddenly shouted at him, "Now, let’s back up and start again. Arasaka want you dead, and in all likelihood they would probably send someone like me to get the job done – you’re just another whistleblower to them, same as the target I found. Which means that both of us have all the time in the world, since we both know that you’re neither equipped with the knowledge nor the skills to hide from them. You'll be Soulkilled within the hour, at which point you can see what your device actually does to people."

  I got up and walked toward the door, being sure to show him it’s unlocked. “So you know what? You’re not bound, door’s open. Now if you still think it’s impossible and you really got no idea, that’s fine, whatever, just get the hell out of here, I won’t stop you. In fact it’ll help me out - I'll get to tail you and pick up the one who comes by to kill you and maybe they’ll actually know something useful, because you know what? I am sick and tired of dealing with people who won’t give me a straight answer. So don’t waste my fucking time.”

  “Fine, fine… I’m sorry,” he held up his hands to try to calm me down, “Sit. Please.”

  I brushed off my pants a bit and shook my head, taking a deep breath in and out. “You know what I miss most? Meditation,” I sighed as I took my seat, “Being able to stretch out in the park, or have a quiet moment’s peace slurping some ramen on the street corner, or practice my swordplay in solitude. Do you have any concept of what it’s like to live every waking moment of your life with Johnny Silverhand, of all people, begging you for a cigarette?!”

  “No, I don’t,” he shook his head, “In fact nobody does. Nobody who’s alive, anyway.”

  “What? What do you mean, did you do this to other people?”

  “You used the word ‘godhood’ earlier. That was the initial vision of Relic – a device which could preserve the personality matrix of a specific individual.”

  “Yeah, and it uses Soulkiller to extract the personality, I got that far.”

  “Soulkiller? What’s your security clearance?”

  “Does it matter anymore?” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “No, I’m just curious how– Ah, Johnny, right,” he gently nodded his head and looked down a bit.

  “Go on.”

  “The Relic project to which you’re referring is merely a proof-of-concept, for lack of a better term,” he elaborated, rubbing his hands together, “Think of it like… a read-only program. It was still in the trial phase when I left Arasaka… Your Agent – it is deactivated, right?”

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  “It is.”

  “So its personality matrices aren’t booted up. This is the same concept with the Relic. The proof-of-concept was in development for about a decade as a means to an end, don’t you see?”

  “No,” I shook my head.

  “The biochip in your head is the sole culmination of that program. It’s the finished product, Relic 2.0. Unlike previous iterations, this is not read-only, it’s a read-write program, designed to inject a personality into a body directly.”

  “Alright, so how do you turn it off?” I asked sternly.

  “I can’t believe this fucking guy’s gonna be the one to finally help us…” Johnny scoffed, turning around and having a cigarette.

  “No no, you don’t understand, there is no off-switch, it wasn’t designed with one,” he continued, leaning forward with a great deal of interest evident in his eyes, “The biochip was designed to activate only when its host’s brain activity ceases entirely. That way the nanites it contains can operate unabated.”

  “So wait, this thing’s only supposed to operate on… dead bodies?” I raised an eyebrow. Makes sense as to why it activated on me. “So then why am I still alive?”

  “Well, uh… did you die?” he asked me bluntly.

  “I did, I was shot in the head. Then it activated and resurrected me.”

  “Then it resurrected you… Hm,” he thought, “This is incredible… We’ve been trying for years to get the engram to accept a host with a living brain, but it always–”

  “Hey, focus,” I snapped at him, “How do we get the thing out.”

  “No, I know,” he quickly bobbed his head, “But you misunderstand, you are, for all intents and purposes, already dead. If we remove the device, the–”

  “The nanites will shut off, you already mentioned that. Look, the way I see it, this thing’s a computer program designed with some sort of function, right? So is there any way to override it, overwrite it with a new code, I don’t know, something?!”

  “I told you, it’s not that simple…” he muttered, “Wait, you said you were shot in the head?”

  “Yes,” I peeled back my hair to show him the scar.

  “Hmm. Was the Relic damaged in any way by the gunshot?”

  “No, but it did sustain damage during the heist,” I confessed, “Only about 80 percent of its code was viable when it was inserted, according to the data. What would that matter, anyway? Not like my ripperdoc could do anything–”

  “Ripperdoc?! You showed this to some fucking street doctor?!”

  “Oh yeah, as opposed to what? Bleeding out in a landfill with one eye and a fucking hole in my head?! Sue me,” I hissed at him, “So if I’m still me, then it either means your product is shit, or this is a malfunction caused by the corrupted data?”

  “Likely the latter,” he speculated, “Normally the brain does not exhibit traces of its original characteristics after implantation, which makes your case interesting, indeed.”

  “My case? Out of curiosity, who was this even made for?”

  “Saburo Arasaka himself,” he told me without batting an eye, “This is an in-house trial meant to store his engram, and his alone. Your Relic is the only one of its kind, and likely will forever be so.”

  Shit… so that’s what he was doing there… I feel like a massive puzzle piece just fell right into my lap. Yorinobu stole Arasaka-Sama’s ticket to immorta… immortality…

  ‘Godhood,’ that man said all those years ago… This was never a weapon at all, at least not in the conventional sense. Sure, part of it could be used as a weapon. It’s like if someone set off a nuclear bomb because they were after the EMP… all this was a cover.

  “You said ‘Yorinobu’ Arasaka before, when you asked me who I was with, right?”

  “Yes, I was concerned that you were an assassin sent by–”

  “No, no. Why Yorinobu, specifically? You work for Hanako, don’t you?”

  “I don’t–”

  “That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Hanako Arasaka headed the Soulkiller project for years, and her father collects all the information to use this device for himself, so he can achieve functional immortality by just continuously swapping bodies to ensure his everlasting reign. Meanwhile, in comes Yorinobu who must’ve caught wind of all this and stole it… Stole it… Hmph…” I pondered… I almost had it…

  “Yes, I worked for Hanako’s branch. I was the one who alerted Saburo to its disappearance,” he confirmed, “But what’s done is done.”

  “Mm,” I grunted, placing my head in between my palms, “So then, back to our original problem. You created it, so tell me, how do I get it out.”

  “I’m being entirely forthcoming with you,” he held up his hand defensively, “There is no way to remove the chip until it’s completed its work.”

  “Fine, so how do we stop it from completing its work, then?”

  “That depends as to how far gone you are,” he said morbidly, “I will need to see the biochip to determine that.”

  “Alright,” I nodded, accepting his Personal Link into the nape of my neck. Johnny stood up and started pacing around impatiently – couldn’t say I blamed him. The sun had already set.

  “Hmm…” he pondered as his eyes flashed blue, “Unbelievable… it looks like…”

  “Yes…?”

  “Oh, fuck…” He said ominously as he retracted the cable, “Did you see that?”

  “No,” I shook my head, “Natural eyes. Impressive though, yes?”

  “What a pity I won’t be able to examine it fully…”

  “Yeah, real shame,” Johnny spoke over him, “Coulda been his guinea pig, too.”

  “We’ll talk after, Johnny, let me just focus on this for now, okay?” I spoke to him as he laid down on the motel bed. “So Hellman, tell me, how do we get this thing out?”

  “I’m afraid I have bad news…” he sighed as he fell back into his chair, “Your neural network has… completely deteriorated. It can no longer function independently of the chip.”

  “Right, but how do we turn it–”

  “There is no turning it off… Again, this is it. I’m sorry…” he sighed deeply, “I say this as a scientist and a human being, if there was a way to help you, I would tell you in a heartbeat. Alas, the only thing… the only thing I really can do is to offer you a place in Stockholm… to make the process less painful…”

  “How can you be so sure, though? Didn’t you–”

  “I just saw the construct devouring your brain,” he interrupted.

  “So, what… am I just… doomed to have this thing eat away at me until there’s nothing left?!”

  “Yes. And from what I’ve heard about Silverhand, that seems to be exactly his style.” Then you don’t know him very well, clearly…

  “So… wait, what exactly is going on in my head?” I demanded.

  “You tell me,” he shrugged, “What’s it like to have two personalities? Because it’s not like you’re hearing voices. You’re both V and Silverhand, simultaneously.”

  “I’m not a fucking lab rat for you to dissect!” I screamed out, “FUCK!…” I… I need to absorb this… Vik was right. Johnny is… is becoming me. Or I’m becoming Johnny, I… I don’t know anymore…

  I rested my head in my balled fists, not knowing what to make of this… This wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, but… But all of this is hopeless…? Everything I’ve done… everything… What even is the point of any of it?!

  “I…” my voice trembled, “I see him… talk to him…”

  “Not ‘talking’ in the literal sense, but I understand what you mean,” he clarified, “Do you… feel yourself, fading away? Your decisions changing, doing things you wouldn’t ordinarily do…?”

  “No… no, I– I haven’t felt like that at all…” I shook my head, my eyes welling up. “Johnny can say things, but I’ve always had the final say in what actually happens. He doesn’t have any control over me, far as I know…”

  “Agreed 100 percent, you are one stubborn fucking host,” Johnny chuckled, appearing beside Hellman again.

  “But that sidesteps the issue at-hand. It’s not a debate where one has the final say. The scale simply shifts, slowly but surely. You do not notice yourself becoming more like him because you are him. And you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Over time, you will start doing things you once thought unthinkable. And you know who he was – terrorist, suicide bomber, narcissist.” Well he’s got that part right…

  “Well fuck me, who’s tryin’a mess with your head now?”

  “Johnny, please,” I sternly told him.

  “That is why I think it would be best for you to enter clinical isolation at this stage,” he continued.

  “No, out of the question,” I lashed back at him, “At least Johnny isn’t transparently turning me into his own personal lab experiment!”

  “Oh? Is that what you think? Or what he thinks? Let me guess, he’s tried to take over your body once already? You know, for a little while.”

  “What? No!”

  “Would you, though?” Johnny raised an eyebrow at me. I simply swatted at him like a fly at this point. “Kidding, but watch out, suit’s tryin’a play you.”

  “Yeah, you mentioned,” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “Is he here with you now?” Hellman asked me.

  “Sitting in the chair behind you, as a matter of fact,” I pointed over to where Johnny was having his cigarette. “But that’s beside the point, isn’t it? I’m not coming with you to wherever the hell you want to stick me, and you can’t help me. So I guess that leaves us at a bit of an impasse, doesn’t it? You know what I did to that man I found, the whistleblower? I took his fucking head off so that Arasaka wouldn’t torture him to death. I should probably do the same to you because you haven’t told me one useful thing outside of the fact that I’m dying and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

  “Ugh, finally…” Johnny muttered to himself, taking another drag, “Make it messy. Want a good show after endurin’ this shit.”

  “I will try to help you. If you come with me to Kang Tao–”

  “Kang Tao?! I’m sorry, what do the Chinese have that Arasaka doesn’t? Because the last thing you told me was that my only option was to check myself into a facility in Sweden, and now all of a sudden it’s Kang Tao? Johnny may be that dense but I’m not,” I fired back at him, Johnny sneering at my comment, “If you think you can buy your way into China’s good-graces that easily then you’re dead wrong.”

  “Do you even realize how much data is in your head?” Hellman sternly worded, “Even if I can’t help you, the data must be saved!”

  “Well fuck me sideways, what a half-brained gonk,” Johnny interjected, “He just admitted you’re right.”

  “And why do you think I would give two shits about the data when I told you that I wanted to watch this thing burn in the first place?!” I shouted at him, “Now I know that you know more than you’re telling me. So let’s try this again. I want it all. Project blueprints, timeline projections, trial runs and results. Since you’re too much of a fucking idiot to solve this problem then maybe I can find somebody who isn’t.”

  “Fine, fine,” he conceded, handing me a shard from his jacket pocket, “All yours, just please–” The door suddenly opened as he transferred the data to me in a full package. Ah, Takemura, just on time…

  “Takemura?!” Hellman recoiled back like a cockroach moving away from an open flame, “What’s he doing here?!”

  “Takemura had some additional questions for you, what those are, are none of my business,” I stood up and stretched out my legs, “Good to see you.”

  “V,” he gave me a slight bow of respect, “Thank you for the call.”

  “My pleasure…” Fuck… it’s… it’s happening again, isn’t it…

  “I hope we can come to an understanding…” Hellman said, his voice growing fainter by the minute… hard to breathe…

  “Tsh, that is in your best interest,” Takemura grunted, “V, I will remember this.”

  “Ugh… Sorry, I’m positively parched…” Hellman’s voice took on an innocent tone.

  “Mmh, V didn’t even offer you a glass of water?” Takemura replied in feigned disbelief, “How inhumane of her. I am different, you will see. I will offer you full buckets.”

  “No… that’s really not necessary…”

  Fuck… Johnny…

  I can’t… breathe… All I hear are screams…

  “J-Johnny…” I stumbled out the door, “Mom…? Jackie? Please…”

  Blood… more blood… I coughed and hacked all over the floor… I can’t… do this… Johnny… I fell down and nearly smacked Shinden’s handle on the concrete… Fuck… I can’t see…

  “See that?” Johnny appeared downstairs, “Fuck me just look at that…”

  “Johnny… please… can’t breathe…” I took off my sword and scrambled to my car, throwing it in the trunk before vomiting again…

  “You don’t see that?” Johnny sat down on a bench, “Corps’re strippin’ the world and our lives naked, piece by piece? Can’t turn a blind eye to that… no pun intended, heh,” he chuckled, stretching out his legs as I slowly shuffled over… I could barely feel my legs… my face…

  “Sounds like someone’s being paranoid again… What’s gotten in your ass this time?”

  “Tryin’ to learn how you’re wired this whole time. To know who I’m dealin’ with.”

  “So then why didn’t you just ask me?!” Fuck… my head feels like it’s on fire…

  “Because you haven’t exactly been forthcoming with your previous friendships, now have you?” he shot back, stinging me where it hurt…

  “Look, I know I fucked up with Jackie, but I’m trying to–”

  “Yeah, well that’s the nice thing, I don’t gotta wait for you to get off your ass ‘n try anything. Got carte blanche to your brain, ‘member?”

  “Alright, so then you tell me, how am I wired, exactly?” I took a seat next to him, unable to hold myself up anymore.

  “Thought you were just unlucky at first, ‘till it hit me. Now I see what your problem really is.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s that? That I don’t smoke?” I shot back with a devilish stare.

  “Nah, though that’s part of it,” he rolled his head around, “Always been a corpocog. A replaceable part. Been that way since you joined up, but unlike me, you never had the balls to stand up for yourself and your own ideals. Instead you took on the ideals of the hand that fed you, plain ‘n simple. Then once ‘Saka tossed you to the curb, what else was left? Just a hollow ghost wanderin’ aimlessly, killin’ scavs for fun.”

  “...You’re the worst kind of asshole, you know that?” I hissed at him before lowering my head again, trying my best to deal with the pain.

  “Yeah, and you’re a cunt. Look at that, a match made in Heaven.”

  “Johnny, please…” I shook my head, unable to get the ringing, the screaming… out…

  “Seen flashes of your past, you know… Like how you’ve seen mine…”

  “And…? Like what?”

  “I remember… clips n’ snippets. Like this one time, at a Shinto shrine. I see your mother standin’ off to the side of the pathway. Some festival’s goin’ on, and I remember watching her dancing…” his thoughts conjured up images, noises, smells… a hint of fresh flowers in the air… “Can even remember the instrument. An erhu. Playin’ some sorta somber melody, and her kimono flowed in the wind… Feels like a Greatest Hits album…”

  “That…” I slowly lost myself in the very same memory… “That… yeah…”

  “Guess I should be glad I got a happy memory, huh?” I wouldn’t necessarily call it that, but yeah…

  “I’m just…” I frowned, holding back a sniffle, “I’m just scared that one day, I’m not gonna know whose memories are whose… What if I lost that… Will I even notice…?”

  “That why you’re keepin’ your journal though, right?”

  “I mean, yeah, but… I dunno… What if I go back and read it and I don’t remember… would it have even mattered? How would I know what to feel, what to imagine…”

  “If you scream and no one hears you, then who gives a shit, right?”

  “Yeah…” I sighed, “…Yeah.”

  “Shit, if it’s a two-way street, I’ll somehow have to live with the fact that I let some fat fuck and his ape sidekick blow away me and my brother…” he mumbled.

  “You, uh… You think I’d notice it…? The change. As it happens… Will I be scared…?”

  “This you bein’ fatalistic all of a sudden?”

  “I dunno… pragmatist, maybe,” I glanced up at the stars, “A dancer. Or an astronomer, I dunno… Anything but this…”

  “Can’t say… But it’s the worst thing that can be done to a human, I think. Rip their identity out of ‘em…”

  “Yet that’s what you’re doing with me.”

  “Yeah, not on purpose, ya know,” he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, “Told you before, I changed my mind. Mind remains changed.”

  “Mm…” I slowly nodded, “H–How is… uh, life inside my body, anyway…? Like, what does it feel like…?”

  “Hmph, how’d you describe a PTSD attack, like playin’ a BD you can’t turn off? It’s like that.”

  “You saying I’m a walking PTSD attack?!”

  “Well you’re not far off,” he scoffed at me, “But nah, like you go into Editor Mode, have a look around someone’s shit they scrolled. It’s like that, but in real-time. As for the senses… most things’re either too big or too small. Then there’s the clusterfuck that’re your hormones. ‘Specially when it’s your time of the week…” he rubbed his beard in deep thought, “And the lag between sight and touch. Infuriating. When you take a bite of pizza, takes ages ‘fore I realize you burned the roof of your mouth. But all that I can deal with – can’t deal with the withdrawal.”

  “Oh? Of what?”

  “Smokes. Used to be no more’n five minutes ‘fore I had a fresh one in my hand. Now I’m dyin’ for a cigarette. Gettin’ used to it, I guess. But it’s no fuckin’ picnic.”

  “It’s not helping that you wake me up at random times of the night, asking for a smoke.”

  “What else would I do, all your dreams are just nightmares filled with screaming. Can’t fuckin’ stand it,” he took off his sunglasses, rotating them around in between his fingers.

  “Johnny, I—” I stopped myself, blowing a breath out my nose and spinning my head around to face him, “I still feel like I barely know you. I mean, what is it you want? No disrespect, but it feels like you’re changing your mind every two seconds, I just want a straight answer.”

  “Help me settle my score against Arasaka. That’s it,” he shook his head and crossed his arms again.

  “Johnny, please,” I leaned in close to him, “Every single step, everything, has always been about Arasaka. But what happens after that? Who’s the real Johnny Silverhand? Or are you just afraid that nothing you do will leave a lasting impact?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, V.”

  “I’m not – you said it yourself. ‘Johnny Silverhand died a legend, nobody forgets that,’ but the world moved on. Now the only thing people remember you for is the legacy you’ve written in innocent blood.”

  “Okay, you know what, I’m gonna tell ya why I wanna destroy Arasaka, but I’m only gonna tell ya once. Wanna hear it?”

  “More than anything.”

  He looked towards the city, as if searching for the right answer somewhere in the midnight haze. “I saw corps strip farmers of water… eventually of land. Saw them transform Night City into a machine fueled by people’s crushed spirits, broken dreams, and emptied pockets. Corps’ve long controlled our lives, taken lots, and now they’ve taken our souls!”

  “Honestly, I can’t disagree with you. Not after what I’ve done…” I sighed as Johnny got up, frantically pacing around like he was a man possessed.

  “V, I’ve declared war not cause capitalism’s a thorn in my side, our outta nostalgia for an America gone by. This war’s a people’s war – against a system that’s spiraled outta our control. It’s a war against the fuckin’ forces of entropy, understand?!” He reappeared close to me, repeating the words of the doll from Clouds. “If you’ve gotta kill, kill. If you’ve gotta burn it all to the ground, then let it burn. And if its heart stops, then shock it back to life! And if I need your body to do all that then I’ll fuckin’ take it.”

  Johnny…

  He paced around wordlessly, scratching at his head like he was trying to claw the very fabric of his being. I knew that frustration… the sense that, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it’s all meaningless anyway… A war of attrition. A war that one man cannot possibly win. A war that he nevertheless has no choice but to fight, otherwise he has no more meaning to his existence. “Fuckin’ hell,” he finally shouted, “You still don’t see it. But you will one day…”

  ---

  First opened following escalations within the ongoing Korean crisis of the late-20th century, the Benkei Island Training Facility was built into the mysterious Benkei Island, a small teardrop-shaped island most believe to be off the southern coast of Japan. On the surface, the complex consists of a lone airstrip with two runways and numerous surface structures, including a mockup fishing village designed as a kill-town for training recruits. However, all of these structures are decoys in some form or another. The airstrip sits abandoned, with all supplies being shuttled in and out by drone submarines operating in an extensive shielded tunnel network.