A week had passed since then.
Miss Symphonia did not show up for dinner, nor for breakfast on the next day.
She hadn’t shown herself for the entire week, actually.
My sister and I sat together at the dining table.
Luna blinked sadly, a frown marring her face.
“Where’s Miss Symphonia, is she doing okay?”
I ruffled her head gently, a confused, weary smile doing its best to stay on my face.
“I’m sure she’s okay. Thing’s just got a little heated with Miss Selenia.”
I hadn’t known Miss Symphonia for very long, only a couple months at most.
I did not know what a ‘Thing from Beyond’ was. I did not know what a ‘Paradox Engine’ meant to her, and I did not know what the ‘Void’ was either.
But I wasn’t sure I needed to, just as she did not need to know what my name was, who I was before, and who my parents were.
I think we just understood each other.
It was strange to say, given that we were two strangers from separate worlds; one of us was a twenty-something year old young man living in the body of a nine-year-old girl who lived a cushy life yet was weak enough to be traumatised without any great tragedy, and the other of us was a witch who dreamt of the stars, holding great power beyond my comprehension in her fingertips.
But still, it was probably true.
If it was not, then would we have had that strange conversation about the past, its burdens and our dreams underneath the night sky?
I knew enough, even if she said nothing.
But was it my place to ponder upon those intimate thoughts in her place?
Maybe it was. I owed her a lot. She had given me a name that was very precious to her, she had saved my sister and in doing so, gave me a reason to keep on living.
But still, I struggled with that thought.
I remembered the look on her face when Selenia gave her those final remarks.
The way she just completely shut down, the look of complete despair she gave me, the indignant fury she held towards her friend as she tried to reject that truth.
If I had been told something equivalent, would I have reacted the same way?
If it was my little sister and a way back to my parents – if I was told that if it wasn’t for her mere existence, there might have been a way to see my parents again – what would I have done?
Did she want to face me at all in the first place? Or was I now just a reminder that whatever dreams she had were shattered?
It would be arrogant of me to assume that she cared enough about me to let me be the one to try and talk to her about whatever was happening.
There was nothing that I could do besides give her the time and space to think.
Whatever she wanted to do with me after that, I would subject myself to her judgement.
As long as she cared for my sister, that would be enough for me.
“She just needs a bit of time for herself,” I held Luna’s hand reassuringly.
I grabbed the empty bowls of breakfast on the table and placed them down onto the sink.
There was a worried look on my sister’s face.
She was a smart kid. Even if she hadn’t talked to Miss Symphonia directly, there was no way she didn’t witness the aftermath of that confrontation.
I think the witch meant a lot to her, too, beyond just being someone who gave her shelter and food.
She was her idol, the person she so desperately wanted to become when she grew up; a powerful, independent, intelligent witch who dedicated herself to exploring the world’s mysteries.
She knew something had happened between the three people in the workshop. She had seen the sheer malice she had towards Selenia, the complicated turmoil in her eyes as she looked at me, and her unwillingness to speak to me.
She could see the relationship fracturing within a matter of hours.
But it wasn’t my place to fix it. That was up to Miss Symphonia.
She had given me a name so she could carry me along with her pile of hopes and dreams, and just by having the misfortune of existing, I broke that dream in half.
The very premise of the exchange we had that night was broken by whatever the revelation in the workshop meant to her. It was not anything I did, it was just the mere fact I was alive. Thus, my life, and the dreams and hopes I had shared with her in kind, were hers to take.
For now, all I could do was try my best to alleviate my sister’s mind. Miss Symphonia’s retribution would come later.
“Come on,” I tugged on her hand, reversing our usual positions for once, “let’s go to the library, let’s read together.”
She seemed a bit distracted as we headed up towards the library.
I caught her gaze straying when we finished climbing the stairs, looking in the opposite direction towards Miss Symphonia’s study.
I pulled her into the library and shut the door behind us, blocking off that sordid hallway from view.
“Is there anything you want to read today?”
Luna frowned, looking off to the side, “Let’s just keep reading about the Boy in White…”
I laughed.
“Sure thing. Come on, let’s hurry up to our usual spot.”
We made our way down the stairs, walking off towards the sides and sitting down at a long desk by the window, revealing the bright landscape of the mountain below us.
It was strange, thinking about how much time had passed already. Just over three months ago, we were huddling together underneath thin sheets in a broken house and struggling to even find something to call ‘dinner’.
Then two months ago, it suddenly became summer again. I had surrendered my life, considering myself as nothing but a test subject, happy to provide my sister a comfortable life even if it meant sacrificing myself.
And then a month ago I found something resembling normality; a name, a place to live, a reason to live, a job to do. I swore that I would do my best to put it all behind me and not drown in my regrets. I promised that I would find a way to live as ‘Estelle’.
And by now, summer had already passed, and autumn would soon reach its height. The leaves would start to turn orange and brown soon, and those vibrant husks would find themselves blown across the forests and mountains, scattered upon the grass by distant winds.
My gaze lingered on the scant few autumn leaves already scattering and fluttering.
Fleeting things they were, haplessly blown wherever the cruel world wanted to leave them, with no concern nor plan.
It was hard not to feel some kind of connection in that sense, as sad as it may have sounded to be empathetic with mere leaves.
Life had been tumultuous ever since I found myself in this world. Reason and stability had come as quickly as they had gone. Every moment of peace never lasted long, every bit of resolution always shattered by the time the sun rose and fell again.
I had hoped the days where I could huddle next to my sister and read to her beneath raggedy blankets would last forever, but they were swept away with a simple fever.
And I had hoped naively that I could fulfil the promise I made myself to live as Estelle for the sake of my own happiness, but now, with the turmoil of our current caretaker – the one who so earnestly bestowed that identity upon me – I wasn’t sure if I had the heart to take that chance to live anymore.
She had given me the name, it was her right to reclaim it if she wished.
Was it too much to hope for even a tiny amount of stability? Was that too selfish of someone like me to ask?
The breeze blew once more, picking up those lonely husks on the ground, dragging them to Arden.
And with their departure, I let those thoughts fade again, focusing on the present; on the library and my sister.
I reached for the familiar, ancient book, and opened it to the bookmark left inside.
[SOLS] 2nd Anniversary ‘The Moon and the Stars’ Episode 2-4: ‘Lullaby for a Good Night’ Part 2
459K subscribers
236,144 views 4th May 20XX
silent playthrough as usual for folks who dont play the game but still want the story
Holy shit this was a lot of casual lore reveals in one chapter. On day 2 no less
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7:36
RESUME
Luna sat down, staring listlessly into the bowl of onion soup in front of her.
For once, she didn’t feel hungry.
For once, she wasn’t focused solely on devouring the food in front of her.
“...”
Memories flashed in her head.
There were the days they spent in those cold alleys, when she did whatever she could to push whatever leftover food they had onto her sister, only for her to coldly push it back, her eyes lost in a ravenous hysteria.
Luna did nothing but watch, then.
There was the moment her sister collapsed in front of her, maddened, reddening eyes furiously pushing meat into her mouth, ignoring her own plights.
Luna did nothing but watch, then.
There was the day she got sick. Her sister hurt herself as she ran across the empty city, screaming her heart out until there was nothing more in her heart to give, carrying her weakened body on her back.
She was helpless then, too.
There was the day they first arrived at the witch’s house, the first time she had a full, proper meal in her life. The food was hypnotising, enriching beyond anything she had ever experienced, even more than the first time she read with her sister.
Ironically, despite it being the best meal of her life, she had never felt hungrier.
And every day after that was the same. Every day was a new miracle at the dining table, one she could never turn away from.
Every day until today.
She looked up at her sister, who expectantly stared at her with a waiting smile on her face, waiting as she always did for her to start eating.
She had spent her entire life being helped by her sister without ever being able to return the favour. Saved by her from the orphanage, fed every day and night, given a bed to sleep in, taught how to read, brought back from the brink of death…
She had given her a sense of safety and familiarity.
She made this place feel like a family.
Her, Miss Syphonia, and Estelle.
Was it wrong of her to dream of them like that?
She had the same eye colour as Miss Symphonia, and the witch also taught her how to read and fed her like her older sister. She was as close to a mother as one could ever get to her.
She just never had the courage to call her that to her face.
There was only one time in her life she had ever mustered any amount of courage.
That was when she called Estelle ‘Sister’ for the first time.
That courage never came back since then.
And now here they were, their ‘family’ at the brink of being torn apart.
She smiled weakly, convincing no one.
“Sorry, Sister… I don’t think I’m hungry.”
A different figure overlapped the person sitting across from her.
It was the same person, still the same sister she had always loved, but she was smaller, her eyes were red, unfocused and maddened.
She said those same words to her then.
But that person didn’t care or believe her.
She just forced her to eat anyways.
Estelle just smiled sadly.
“Okay, I get it.”
But the person across from her mustered no such selfishness.
Luna almost wanted that demon back. At least back then, her sister had something she wanted to do.
Now…
Now she was just sitting there, letting it all happen to her.
“Let’s go to the library then,” Estelle looked at her helplessly.
Luna’s heart fell.
It was always what she wanted.
It was always about her dreams, her future, her growth, her hunger.
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It never mattered to Estelle if she was the one who was suffering.
And Luna always just let Estelle be that way.
“N-no!”
She found herself rejecting her sister in a panic.
“I-it’s fine… y-you don’t need to play with me.”
Estelle’s smile twitched robotically, unable to fully comprehend what Luna meant by that.
“I…” she trailed off, looking to the side remorsefully, “I guess I’ll clean the workshop for Miss Symphonia then.”
Luna’s heart ached painfully.
Something burst out from that tightly-locked organ.
“Why is it never you, Sister!?” she screamed hoarsely, finding a sudden onset of tears blurring her vision.
Estelle just flinched, staring at her helplessly.
“Why is it always me!? You always follow me and Miss Symphonia around. You always play and read with me, you always cook for me. Why is it never you!?”
She sniffled loudly.
Estelle just stayed quiet.
The thought had simply never occurred to her to live for herself.
“Don’t you have anything you want to read yourself? Isn’t there any food you want to cook for yourself? D-don’t… don’t you want to grow up too?”
Her vocabulary was a bit too childish still to express what she wanted.
Nonetheless, her heartfelt concerns reached the older sister.
“I…” Estelle trailed off.
She had never had any dreams or aspirations of her own.
She had given those up a long time ago.
“Don’t you like Miss Symphonia as well!?”
Luna continued to bellow, her tearful words echoing across the silent room.
“Don’t you like helping her? Don’t you want to keep living here!? Why… why are you always like this!? Why do you never think about yourself!?”
Every one of those childish frustrations locked away in that cowardly heart of hers poured out.
“You always just let it happen! Whatever Miss Symphonia or I want, you just… never say no! Why!? I say no to you all the time! Why haven’t you ever said it to me!?”
“T-that’s not true…” Estelle desperately stuttered, “I-I do say no to you… w-when you want to go to the worksho-”
“IT’S ALWAYS ME!”
Her roar sent the two of them into stunned silence.
“Just please… say one thing… say one thing you want that doesn’t involve me or Miss Symphonia. Anything.”
“...”
Nothing emerged from the older girl’s lips.
The only thing that could be heard were Luna’s tearful sniffles.
“Please. Just say it. Just say you don’t Miss Symphonia to be mad at you. Just say you want her to like you, that you want to keep living together. D-don’t just sit there.”
Estelle could no longer look her younger sister in the eye.
“I-... I don’t deserve to make that judgement, Luna. She’s the one who gave me my name, she can take it awa-”
“WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO KEEP IT!?”
“...”
“Do you really want to go back!? To that house!? I hate it!”
She screamed until her voice went hoarse.
“I hate watching you get splinters every day! I hate having to worry about you every time you crawled out! I hate the stupid bread we had to eat! It was hard, it got stuck in my mouth, and it hurt my teeth! I want to stay here, I want to keep eating the food! I want to spend every day in the library! I want to spend time with you! Don’t-!?”
She choked.
“Don’t…”
She sobbed.
“Don’t you want that too? If you didn’t have to worry about me… would you care about any of it?”
The ensuing silence said everything for them.
Estelle had indeed thought about it before, about what might have happened if she never found Luna.
In a way, that miserable almost-was existence would have been nice.
Just forget about the burden, forget about the pain, forget about everything that was left behind, and just submit. Submit to the cold call of the madness inside of her, and stop thinking. Just let that darkness overtake her and spend the rest of her days as a shambling zombie.
Luna slammed her hands on the table.
“Luna, I-!”
She jumped up from her chair and spun around, running out the door.
Estelle helplessly reached for her.
“...”
But she did not chase after her.
Her sister was mad at her.
She had never thought about the possibility once in her life.
She did not know how to fix what was happening, just like when her little sister was sick.
She had thought that as long as she cared for and loved her little sister, as long as she gave her life to make sure she did not want for anything, that everything would be alright.
But now, it was that very same selfless care that had led to her sister’s outburst.
It was that very lack of agency and will that led to the cold rift between her and Belle.
She did not think she deserved the right to enforce what she wanted onto either of them – assuming that there was anything she had wanted in the first place.
Her life was one full of nothing but debts. None of the selfishness of the person she was before she found Luna remained.
She stood there helplessly, looking aghast as she heard her sister stomp away up the stairs.
Minutes passed in silence, and that broken machine left behind did not move.
Then came an ominous knock at the front door.
Hollow lavender eyes, devoid of their usual crystalline shimmer, rotated slowly towards the front door.
The knock came again.
“Is this the abode of Belle Symphonia, the Black Matter Witch? This is the representative from the Citadel of Magi, here to speak to you about your proposal for the city of Arden, the ‘Paradox Engine’, you called it?”
The knock against hollow wood echoed again.
“...”
The machine named Estelle moved.
Luna knocked again.
“Miss Symphonia!”
No response came.
She knocked harder.
“Miss Symphonia!”
When she received no answer again, she stopped caring.
She reached for the doorknob and twisted and pulled at it.
All it did was shake loosely.
After a minute, something finally gave way.
A tired sigh rumbled behind the door, pulling it open.
Luna fell to the ground.
“The hell do you want, brat?”
Belle coldly looked down at the little girl.
Luna flinched at the unfamiliar glare.
Belle’s face twisted at her reaction.
She looked away, regret immediately coming to her.
“No, shi-...”
Belle flinched, catching her own words.
“I-I’m sorry, Luna. I-I’m just… tired right now,” she mumbled.
Luna calmed her terrified nerves, and inhaled.
Her nervous heart wobbled in her chest, doing everything in its power to stay locked where it was, to keep her mouth shut…
To render her as helpless as it always had in the past.
But Luna didn’t want that anymore.
For once in her life, she wanted to be as brave as her sister was.
She wanted to do something for the girl who had given so much for her.
“Y-you’re lying…” Luna whispered, trembling, the terror from Belle’s glare still keeping her gaze locked to the ground.
“...”
Belle’s face just softened in weakness in response, unable to find any words to deny Luna.
“You’re just like Sister, you’re lying…”
The light of the autumn afternoon shone pitifully from Belle’s balcony through the doorway.
“You don’t say what you’re actually thinking, like her.”
Luna’s fists trembled.
Wet patches dropped onto the wooden floor.
“You’re the same…”
Belle just sighed.
They were.
That was the problem, really.
If they hadn’t been able to peer into each other’s hearts silently so easily, would the situation currently even be happening?
It was strange to admit just how much of herself she saw in a nine-year-old girl, and how much that child saw of herself in return.
“Why don’t you two just talk? You get each other… isn’t it easy to talk to each other?”
“It’s not that simple, kid.”
How could Belle tell her that was the problem?
They had already shared their hearts with one another, without even needing to say it out loud.
Estelle knew how much her dreams of reaching the moon and the stars meant to her.
The unspoken secret of the two figures painted in the grimoire, watching the moon from their tiny perch on their cliff, the true meaning behind the names ‘Estelle’ and ‘Luna’, and what it meant for her to be giving those particular names to the children in front of her…
It was everything. The story of her life, all of her burdens and hopes and dreams, all of those painful memories she resolved to turn into love as she dreamed of the future, trying her best to carry on the wishes of those who passed before her.
She had placed all of that onto her dream of reaching those distant lights, and in turn, placed everything that came with it on the shoulders of Estelle and Luna through their names.
Estelle did not need to know what a ‘Paradox Engine’ was to know that it was her everything.
She did not need to know what the ‘Thing from Beyond’ was or why it was calling out to her to know that her mere existence was enough to potentially crush everything she had built her life on.
If Belle explained to her just how much she had gone through to disprove that a consciousness lurked inside the energy of the Void, how much of her dreams and methodology were built upon the fact, how integral it was to the prototype design of the Helios Engine – a five-dimensional mana furnace – which in turn was the prototype proof-of-concept for the Paradox Engine, designed to launch humanity into the next era, the technical details would have all just flown over the little girl’s head.
But none of that was necessary.
The silent hearts they exchanged that night were enough.
The two of them knew it.
That was why they now couldn’t face each other.
Estelle had broken Belle’s trust and hopes by simply existing.
But the little girl crying at Belle’s feet didn’t care about any of that.
Even if she did know about it, it would not have changed a single thing.
All that information would have done is make Luna cry out at their stubbornness even more.
“Don’t you two like each other!?” Luna screamed.
Belle’s fists tightened.
“Don’t you two care!? You never say it, but you do! Why else do you take her into your workshop? Why else do you let her play with me!? Why else do you waste time cooking for us instead of just letting Sister do it!? If you didn’t like us, wouldn’t you have taken us apart for your tests by now!?”
Luna was young and naive, but she wasn’t stupid.
At first, when she told her sister she had wanted to be a witch, it was just a silly thing she said.
But slowly, she learnt what that meant.
But there was a reason she still dreamed of it, even after learning the truth of what it meant to pursue knowledge at any cost.
It was because despite the harsh reality of cruel and amoral experiments, of crushing everything before you for the sake of knowledge, it didn’t mean you couldn’t use that for good, it didn’t mean you couldn’t be kind.
She kept dreaming of becoming a witch because of the warm, reluctant care of Belle Symphonia. Because even as she tried to be cold and cruel, she could not help but be gentle towards children. Because despite everything she would have given up to further her research, she still found the time to feed her, to read to her and to teach her how to write.
She wanted to be a witch because she hoped she could one day become as kind and strong, to use the knowledge she had gained to help those around her, to finally let her stupid, moronic sister rest.
“You two like each other! I like you two! Why can’t you two just say it to each other?”
The mournful shadow of Belle’s figure draped over Luna’s kneeling body.
Belle just closed her eyes.
They did care for each other, even if they never said it.
That was exactly the problem.
If they didn’t, it would be so easy to turn against one another in an instant.
Estelle would have just taken her sister and ran deep into the mountains, desperate to live another day.
Belle would have just disposed of Estelle, or actually dissected her, in an effort to forcefully break the world beneath her and rewrite the knowledge she had learned.
But they didn’t. Neither of them took the path that would further the dreams they confided in each other with.
Because they had given each other their trust.
Belle had promised Estelle to take care of Luna, and Estelle trusted her to fulfil that promise.
And Estelle had let go of her previous self, being entrusted by Belle with a precious name from her unspoken past, letting herself become a new reason for her to march forwards towards that silly dream of hers.
They knew what they had become in that moment, but neither of them wanted to say it.
They were too afraid to, scarred by what that word meant to them.
‘Family’.
That was undoubtedly what they became then, their histories and complication with that concept just scared both of them away from saying it.
What could be done now, to salvage that inherently false and contradictory exchange of theirs?
Could they simply go back to how they first were, simply ‘extraplanar anomaly’ and ‘witch’?
Was one of them supposed to relent to the other?
Should Belle give up on her dreams and research to care for them? Should Estelle have just disappeared into the night to save the witch from the trouble of this conflict?
And so, trapped by their strange sentiments towards one another, they found themselves locked into this stalemate.
Silence hung over the two sullen figures in that hallway, only broken ever so often by Luna’s cries.
And the silence let through an odd sound.
Something clattered on the floor beneath them.
An unfamiliar pair of shoes.
The two figures turned towards the origin of the sound.
“Th-...” Luna felt an uncomfortable chill crawl down her back, “th-that’s not… Sis-... Sister’s shoes.”
Belle just sighed tiredly, running a hand through her brittle, messy hair.
“I was expecting a visitor sometime this week from the Citadel… that’s probably him. Don’t have the fucking energy to deal with this shit right now.”
She begrudgingly trudged forwards, dragging her feet along with her as she exited the bedroom during daylight for the first time in a week.
Her heavy heart weighed on every step she took, thudding on the floor with a solemn weight.
She descended down the stairs.
Something shattered on the floor.
Loud, vague shouts echoed across the hallways, their words disappearing through the walls before they ever made it to her.
She pushed open the door to the dining room.
The sound of a loud, fleshy smack resonated across the walls.
Suddenly, the world became clear to Belle.
Wide yellow eyes watched in silence as a little girl with golden hair fell to the floor.
“Ugh, how disgraceful!”
An unfamiliar, snobby voice grunted, almost spitting in disgust at the child who had fallen.
“I cannot believe that a mere test subject had the gall to serve such shabby tea.”
A robed wizard with a snarling, wrinkled face fixed his cravat in annoyance.
Belle’s gaze lingered on the child on the floor.
And suddenly, she felt that weight on her back no longer mattered.
The great tangle that had hung over the two of them simply fell to the side, letting the thoughts and feelings stuck in her mind unwind and straighten.
All those derivatives being solved, all the variables filled into the equations, a thousand calculations done at once, and an endless sea of problems all answered themselves in an instant.
And Belle realised none of those things mattered.
Something boiled deep in her heart, locked away in there for over a decade.
All of those problems and equations, they seemed so quaint and trite now, looking back on it.
She had forgotten the reason this whole mess started.
She had forgotten what it was that drove her to pursue her dream so mindlessly, what it was that had landed her in a rut that led to her wandering the world for six years without making progress on her research.
She remembered why she had let these two girls become so important to her in the first place, what it meant for them to take the names ‘Estelle’ and ‘Luna’, and what sort of relationship bloomed from that fact, even if none of them wanted to say it out loud for fear that such a fragile thing would crumble in an instant.
The man in front of her scoffed, his features unclear to Belle, blurred by the sudden influx of rage that filled every vein in her body.
She did not know what was happening; she did not know who this person was, what Estelle did, or why this situation was unfolding.
But none of that mattered anymore.
“Symphonia, I cannot believe that you take ingrates as test subjects and do not even have the decorum to lock them up properly in their cages in your workshop. Do you honestly expect to get approval from the Citadel if this is how sloppily you are treating your work!?”
The Paradox Engine.
The Thing from Beyond.
Estelle’s past. Her old name. The person she used to be.
What silly, unimportant things, really.
They were all just things to hide and run away with.
Why did she think any of that mattered?
None of it should have mattered the moment she gave her the name ‘Estelle’.
That was the silent promise that was sworn between the two of them.
There was a reason she was reaching for the stars. There was a reason she wanted to build the Paradox Engine. There was a reason she needed to disprove the Thing’s existence.
And she had let the two little girls become that reason.
The man lifted his boot and swung it forwards, kicking at the prone body in front of him.
He blinked, and Belle disappeared.
A bloodcurdling scream rung out across the entire mountain as Belle smashed her heel into the man’s boot, pulverising the appendage beneath her shoe.
Belle opened her mouth, tired of all the silent, hesitant treading around each other that plagued their relationship.
Luna was right, if there was something they both knew, then she should have just said it. They didn’t need to pussyfoot around each other just because they shared a moment of vulnerability with one another.
Debts and promises, hopes and dreams, regrets and tragedies. Sorrows. Tears. Reasons. Exchanges. Memories. Burdens. Names. Research. Engines. Grimoires. Theorems. Formulas. Magics.
Fuck all of that.
“Keep your disgusting hands and feet off my fucking daughter.”
A mother should have only cared about three things; was her child fed well, did they sleep in a warm blanket, and were they happy.
