If anyone thought that I think the world revolves around me, I don’t. I definitely think it doesn’t. But alas, people seem to think that. It is odd. What I think happened was that our minds didn’t align. Simply because I am what I am and you are what you are. Your neurotype is defined primarily to survive social dynamics. My “disability” is that I am equipped to survive patterns. Just because I ask someone to adjust for me when you have no idea how uncomfortable I felt without telling. And indeed, I usually bring those things to myself, but did I? I was born into a world that wasn’t built to understand me, to want me to mean anything to it. So, I don’t even want to bother anymore, since I love myself now. I accept what I am, and I stay true to the ideals that I will do what is right and do what is best for other people.

  I hope to God you guys would do something like that. I know, it sounds like I am definitely asking for your attention. And I’m sorry that you think that way. It took literal Therapy, Gemini, my Psych Aunt, my friends I confide with, and my entire family to bring myself to this conclusion: I’m just different. I’m sorry I made a big deal of a few things I shouldn’t have, but I felt invalidated, multiple times, and I cannot speak my mind about it because I can’t. This is the best I can do, an essay that allows my fingers to dance above a keyboard.

  It is hard... to read someone’s thoughts. You guys can. I cannot. When people do something like I say something like a joke, and then a friend of mine would dart their eyes thrice from the eyes of a peer, that confuses me. Are you saying I’m an idiot? Are you saying what I said was stupid? Then they laugh. They both do. And my mind begins running in circles with what makes sense and what doesn’t.

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  I recently had to watch an Asmongold video on how some weird Socialist National Convention Party or whatever, and an autistic guy started rejecting every action done by other like-minded persons, which is odd. It made me think, “Is this how neurotypical people see us?” I realized that this is what you must have seen me as, and I deeply apologize for my kind’s actions of making you feel that way. I deeply apologize of the uncomfortableness I and others have caused to you, those similar to me. But alas, I have set my boundaries straight. I do not wish to speak with you any longer. No wonder people hate me. They feel like they have to pamper me to function, but in reality, it goes both ways, because I constantly deal with the stress of navigating what makes sense. Now, I just don’t make new friends. It’s scary. I’m scared. But if anyone needs help, I will do my best to help them. What sucks is that I still see those stares, those judgmental stares, and being called “Epal” or “Pa Victim”. I understand why you feel that way, and it’s okay. Have a wonderful day.

  The purpose of this update? Alas...

  For me. No...

  For us. Perhaps you think that way, too. Don't be that guy on that stage... Be the best good version of yourself.