Chapter 1: Listen Wise Guy

  “I’m sorry… We’re… We’re sorry… yeah… We are… Superheroes from Earth-777. Yes,” smiled the mysterious character with a silly green costume who is skinny next to a hero wearing nothing but shorts, and the second man was very thin, wore glasses, and had curly hair.

  “State your name,” said the interviewer, Diana.

  Next to her are Billy and Gabrielle, who pay attention to the duo.

  “My name is Jedan Ligera. I am famously known for sharing my secret identity with everyone in the world. I am a Superhero known as Slime Tutorial… When I was a kid… my father was killed by the Old One C’thulhu… so I drank a Splooge vial and became the stretchy Superhero Slime Tutorial-...”

  “Huh. Another Inchworm Variant. Wait. You… You INTENTIONALLY turned yourself into an Infected?”

  “Yes,” said Jedan. “Yes, yes, yes…”

  “And who are you?”

  “Hi! Uh… I am Christopher Lord. Lord Marvel. I was uh… given the Splooge in an alleyway by a Space Wizard.”

  “And… And you took it?” asked Billy.

  “Dude, I’m trying to interview the junkie,” said Diana.

  “Can you please NOT call him a junkie?” asked Billy.

  “Excuse me. Why did you take the Splooge?” asked Gabrielle.

  “When I take it in… Since I’m Infected… I get really… happy… like a really high, y’know? Like…. WOOO!!!”

  Jedan interjects. “He doesn’t do that anymore. Neither do I.”

  “You were BOTH junkies?”

  “Scratch that. No.”

  Diana facepalms. “Tell us about yourself.”

  “We uh… kill bad guys,” smiled Jedan.

  “Jesus Christ…” said Diana.

  “Dude. Filter,” said Billy.

  Diana sighs. “Right… Mr. Ligera-777, the Starcross Crusaders stand for equity, autonomy, and hope, that kinda stuff.”

  Jedan interjects. “We only kill bad people.”

  “Have you ever killed good people?” asked Diana. “Because if that’s the case, we can’t really… accept you into our team…”

  Chris laughs in an unhinged manner. He keeps on laughing and laughing maniacally. “Ahhh… ‘acceptance…’”

  ”Why is he laughing?” asked Diana.

  “Whhahahahy not?” smiled Chris.

  ”I was just talking about killing people.”

  Chris laughs again.

  Jed facepalms. “Listen… uh… which one of you are Miss Diana?”

  Diana raises her hand.

  “I’m really sorry but we… both of us… have the code to protect the good and fight for what’s right. Kill anyone who gets in the way of justice.”

  “It says here you have… face blindness?” asked Diana.

  “Yes.”

  “So, you can’t see other people’s faces?”

  “I cannot. That is why it is best that when we’re in battle, you guys like… wear your… suits… This isn’t going well, is it?”

  “No,” said all three girls.

  “Why… do you want to be part of the Crusaders?”

  “Because you guys are the best team in the fucking Multiverse. Why not?” smiled Jedan.

  “Also, money,” said Chris.

  “We… need this job… We could finally be someone like… I don’t know… Ever heard of the Reaper? Holy shit, that guy is awesome! Greatest Superhero of Earth-777? Guy who kills drug addicts, murderers, human traffickers, and ever other supervillain on the planet?”

  “The Reaper Triple Seven is a murderous sociopathic serial killer.”

  “He kills bad people!”

  “Right… Just… aim for your league, dude. Waaaay outta your league here…” said Diana.

  Jedan and Chris walk out into the parking lot, with Jedan angrily stomping away.

  “Jed?” asked Chris. “Are you mad, buddy?”

  “I don’t know! Fuck! We fucking suck, man!”

  Later, the pair drank in the bar with the name “Tree Drunk”. They sat on stools and drank two glasses of fine vodka. They sat down at the chairs, silently listening to the television which reports, “Variants of Various Villains Enter Universe”.

  “Fucking variants…” sighed Jedan. “Y’know, it fucking sucks that our entire fucking planet is a literal tourist spot for wealthier alternate versions of ourselves from other universes. Fuck ‘em.”

  “Yeah… Fuck… them. Yez sir!” smiled Chris. “Yo… Dude… look.”

  “Ugh...” Jedan cringed, laying his eyes upon the newest immigrant. “Didn’t he adopt some rich kid here in the Philippines?”

  “Gross,” Chris shook his head. “Heard they had a big fight, so the kid like… lives by himself in some apartment or some shit. Fucking gentrification overload kinda shit… Asshole richy boy Fil-Am fucker.”

  “Psh…” said Jed. “Rich people SUCK man!”

  “Yes, they motherfucking do,” sighed Chris.

  “Look at us! Losing money for some reason working as fucking… Mercernaries for Hire while those guys in the BGC get to fuck bitches or or or dance in cash or whatever!” Jed yelled at the TV.

  “I don’t think money is danced with,” said Chris “Because he’s from the high lands?”.

  “Because he’s fucking rich because he literally inherited his money and make other people do work for him! He’s illiterate, blud! Who knows what he does with money!? Also, why make it an ethnic thing!?” asked Jed, furrowing his eyebrows and yelling at Chris.

  “I don’t know! We’re Tondo guys, dude!”

  “Psh… Fucking… hell… Y’know, man?” asked Jed. “I wish… I wish I’d be someone like the fucking Reaper. Remember him?”

  “Yeah… Reaper… The Greatest Superhero of Earth Triple Seven.”

  “Hahahaha… The Reaper. Absolute gigachad of a man…” smiled Jed.

  Suddenly, the television showed the Reaper’s acts of vengeance, where various bodies mangled and brutalized are laid out on the ground.

  “Holy fuck!“ smiled Jed. “Dude, that just turned me on!”

  “Hahaha!” smiled Chris, pointing at the Television still with the shot glass in his hand. “That guy doesn’t have a face!”

  “Too bad PH TV has to blur out literal art.”

  “The naked headless supervillain lady or the mangled face?”

  “WHY would you sexualize the dead!?”

  “She’s dead!?” asked Chris. “HAHAHAHA! I’m joshing! It’s funny because I killed necrophiles!”

  “You’re the salt of the Earth, Chris,” said Jed.

  The news then moves on to another report, where a gala with the Starcross Crusaders hosted are there.

  “We’re gonna crash a fucking party, dude,” smiled Jed.

  “Why? Because we’re Filipino?” asked Chris, before howling in awkward maniacal laughter.

  “No. Because the Crusaders will be there. I want one thing and that is to fucking matter… For once… man…” said Jed. “A hero who fucking mattered.”

  “Yeah, well you already do, bud!” smiled Chris.

  “Fuck off, dude…”

  Meanwhile…

  Miguel Kojoji. A billionaire playboy often seen as corrupt due to his illiteracy, yet he inherited so much money from his parents. He had since moved to this Earth and adopted a boy around 20 years back, leading to a controversial look toward This older, 40-year-old Miguel is known to be promiscuous, having orgies, and even known to be connected with political killings that he had denied any involvement. He is also accused of abandoning and cutting off his adoptive son, Miguel Azral, his own variant. He is an all-out terrible person. He has light brown skin, sporting a beard, long wavy hair, and is an absolute dreamboat, also accused with having drugs while on his TV Show, the raunchy Telenovela Tondo Boy. After quitting the show, he bailed himself out and paid hush money.

  He is a terrible person…

  Or… is he…?

  “WOOOOOOOOO!!!” Miguel smiled, dancing with several prostitutes in bikinis. The lights are blinding and glowing within various beats, rhythms, and booming sounds.

  Miguel smiles, as he puts his suit back on and enters his bedroom, which he locks.

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  “Hey! Mister Kojoji! Wanna do some Greek!?”

  Miguel yells out. “Nah blud. I’m super drunk right now… I should go… Alright?”

  “Alright…”

  Miguel drunkenly walks into his closet. He closes his door and immediately changes his demeanor.

  He began walking in a stoic and controlled manner, barely any sound leaving from his footsteps. He removes his suit, revealing his obese body that slowly becomes more muscular each passing moment. His muscles became this sort of incredibly beefy form, forearms and limbs thicker, and his bulk was so massive that he had to arch his back.

  He sighs and wears a very simple reaper suit, one without any armor but with soft cloth, but curiously, he manifests a skull over his face. This is the Reaper of Earth-777, adopted father of the Aswang. Suddenly, his body began to be encased with hard, bony armor, as he sneers and releases spur-like claws from his arms.

  “Reaputer. Status report,” said the Reaper. “Are the orgy holograms well-put?”

  “Yep,” said the A.I. in the Tombcave.

  “Is my design… well… animated well enough?” asked the Reaper.

  “Indeed, sir,” said the A.I.

  The Reaper smirks, seeing the “orgy” to “finish” with his hologram suiting up to go to the gala.

  “Perfect…” said the Reaper. Behind him is a computer script of a very ugly alphabet with a very ugly font, barely readable to anyone, as if, as the Filipinos say, “kinalkal ng manok”, or “dug by a chicken”. That is how ugly the script on the screen is. “Very well.” He smirked upon seeing the galagoers.

  His hologram is met with absolute disgust by the guests. They lay their eyes upon him. Some agree with his methods while others are absolutely disgusted with him, whispering about him.

  “Is my animation douchey enough?” asked the Reaper, now in his Reapermobile, driving across the streets of Manila in pitch black color.

  “Yes, Reaper.”

  “Good… Good, good, good… Mmm mmm mmm…” he stimmed. The Reapermobile moved so quickly and efficiently that not a sound was left from the vehicle except for a soft hum and the wind the blew from behind.

  The Reaper smirked, as the vehicle went transparent and parked outside the hotel where the gala is hosted, meant to fund a controversial Head of a controversial Church in the Philippines known as the Black Spiral, Stefan Rivers. In reality, that is the Reaper’s target.

  The Reaper swiftly scaled the walls and leaped into one of the windows of an empty room in the hotel.

  As the hotel’s doors open, the Reaper somehow vanished into thin air.

  “Was that a ghost?” asked a woman, who was speaking to her rich older husband.

  The Reaper kept on going in the hallway, where suddenly, the hotel’s staff began to take out batons and try to kill him.

  The Reaper takes out his bone claws and brutally tears the first one’s face open. He keeps on going, shattering their jaws and skulls open, breaking their body parts and tearing each into pieces. The Reaper growls like an animal, charging into the heart of the building.

  Meanwhile, a man in a suit with a thick Irish accent, known as the Judge, sneers, shaking the hand of the hologram of Miguel Kojoji. “Thanks for funding my shit, man. Really. Unbreakable and the Black Spiral are grateful for the donations.”

  Suddenly, the lights go out, and above the skylight window is the Reaper, whose cape is blown by the wind. He lands before the Judge, squinting his eyes as he takes out his bone claws. He smirks as he knocks down his current target, the Judge, who he stabs in the kneecaps and drags away.

  Several guards attack him, but the Reaper looks at each of them, listening, and studying everything about them within a split second. He kills most, but spares others for some reason.

  The Judge screams as he is dragged by the Reaper the entire time, only for Slime Tutorial to tackle the Reaper.

  “What the fucking shit are you doing, King!?” asked Slime Tutorial. “He’s the registrar for all the best Superheroes on the planet!”

  “He’s compromised,” said the Reaper. “Who even are you?”

  “I’m Slmie Tutorial. And THAT is my friend…”

  Suddenly, stones began emerging from the body of Chris, who was behind the Reaper, growing into a bulking hulky monster. The Reaper just walked away as Chris tries breaking his back, simply dodging and evading his strikes.

  Slime Tutorial tries to strike him, but the Reaper masterfully evades all of Slime Tutorial’s attacks with relative ease. He even lands on the back of Chris’s giant back of the neck, humorously striking his face over and over again.

  The Reaper roars. “Listen! You two idiots have no idea what you’re-!!!”

  The Reaper, in his eyes, sees a soundwave of a gun’s click, moving across the room. He turns and masterfully cuts the man’s hand simply by throwing a bone star into his hand, causing the gun to expode.

  The Reaper began to taste somethig. “Shit… Dark matter…” he said.

  “What the fuck is that!? RACISM!?!?” asked Slime Tutorial. “Just because he’s black!?”

  “I’M FUCKIN’ IRISH!!!” yelled the Judge.

  “Dude, I can’t tell,” said Jed. “Your face looks weird, but you’re bald, and I assumed you were Diana.”

  “YEAH!!! WE LIKED YOU, MAN!!!” yelled Lord Marvel. “Wait… What-? YOU SAID THIS WAS DIANA!!!” roared Lord Marvel.

  ”Why did YOU NOT STOP ME!!?” asked Slime Tutorial.

  “I DON’T KNOW!!! IT’S DARK!!!”

  “Both of you shut the fuck up,” growled the Reaper.

  Suddenly, a portal opens, and both idiots are pushed into the portal by…

  Unbreakable.

  The Reaper lands on his feet and prepares to kill Unbreakable, but… He turns to the portal, and sighs, opting to save the two idiots…

  Chapter 2: Return to Planet X

  Slime Tutorial slowly wakes up, with Lord Marvel unconscious in the distance.

  The Reaper looms over the pair. “You can both regenerate, right?”

  “Yeah,” said Slime Tutorial. “Thanks for your CONCEEEE-!!!” Slime Tutorial is then stabbed and cut in half by the Reaper, who brutally proceeds to shater Lord Marvel’s face.

  “WHOA!!! WHAT THE FFFF-!!!” roared Jedan.

  “DUDE!!! AAAAH!!! AAAAH!!!” roared Lord Marvel, whose face is mangled.

  “THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR FUCKING UP MY OPERATION, YOU FUCKTURDS!!!” roared the Reaper, fuming and panting angrily.

  “What operation!? Are you some kinda surgeon?” asked Lord, as the Reaper shatters his leg. “FFFF-!!!”

  The Reaper booms and grabs Slime Tutorial before crashing him into the wall. “YOU IDIOTS FUCKING RUINED THE OPERATION TO SAVE MANILA FROM THE CORRUPTION OF THE JUDGE!!! THAT BLACK SPIRALIST C*NT IS A HUMAN TRAFFICKER AND I HAD TO GO INTO WHEREVER THE FUCK THIS IS TO SAVE YOUR ASSES!!!”

  “Why didn’t you just stop corruption THEN save us?”

  “Oh! Wow! Like I can stop corruption in A FUCKING DAY OR TWO!!!”

  “YOU CAN BELIEVE, ASSHOLE!!!” yelled Slime Tutorial, as the Reaper stabs his crotch and kicks him to the ground.

  “Where the fuck are we?” asked the Reaper, as Slime Tutorial throws a stretchy punch which the Reaper evades before slamming his fist into Slime Tutorial’s face, knocking him out.

  “It’s funny that you’re beating me, expecting that I would KNOW!?!?” asked Jed.

  “I’m beating you because YOU’RE FUCKING STUPID!!!” roared the Reaper.

  Jed roars, once more stretching and punching at the Reaper who, again, just knocks him to the ground.

  Lord Marvel looms from behind and tries hammering the Reaper, but the Reaper just sweeps his giant feet and hammers his chest. “WHY ARE YOUR BONES SO TOUGH!?!?”

  The Reaper sighs. “It’s… complicated.”

  Jed roars and hammers at his head from behind, but then the Reaper activates flames from his hands so Jed could back away.

  “Fire Usog…” Jed backed away and fell to the ground in fear, scampering back in fear.

  “Yeah… So both of you back the fuck off…” growled the Reaper.

  “I thought Usog Users can’t be Infected,” said Jedan.

  “Again… complicated…” The Reaper deactivates the flames.

  “Dude, are your boners called ‘Bone-Boners?’ asked Lord.

  “SHUT. THE FUCK. UP,” Reaper boomed. “We need to figure a way outta here.” The Reaper looks around, twisting his fingers to calm himself down. He looks into the far distance and realizes that he is stuck in the desert with a couple of bozos, and that this desert is completely endless. He realizes that there is some sort of city in the distance between some sort of valley. Nothing else on the horizon. He feels at peace, and for the first time in his life, his head doesn’t quiver in pain.

  Suddenly, a streak of light flew across the valley, zooming toward them. The valley has a city just above it. The Reaper is the first to react, looking up immediately.

  The Reaper holds his fists up. Slime Tutorial and Lord Marvel also prepare to attack.

  Suddenly, before them landed a tiger-like humanoid who had a massive physique, wearing a caped costume with an “S” on his chest.

  The Reaper and the other pair back away.

  “Who the fuck is Tony the Tiger?” asked Jedan, grabbing and putting his mask on.

  “I am Spun,” said the tiger humanoid.

  The Reaper looks closely and sees that his eyes are irradiating ultraviolet rays, X-Rays, Infrared rays, gamma rays, and various other forms of light and radiation.

  The Reaper turns to Slime Tutorial. “Shut the fuck up, now.”

  “Hey,” smirked Chris. “You look strong!”

  “Chris, don’t even think about it,“ said Slime Tutorial. “Dude. This guy is obviously a very distinguished gentleman.”

  “What’s he gonna do now?” asked the Reaper.

  “Challenge him to a fight. Chris has a bad habit of doing that,” said Slime Tutorial.

  “He reeks of Pantheon,” said the Reaper.

  “What?” asked Slime Tutorial. “How the fuck do you know what Pantheon smells like?”

  “He’s probably an atheist,” said Lord Marvel.

  “No. Ugh… I can smell sight and see sound, infrared and ultraviolet, and radiation. I can also taste the fuckin’ air.”

  “That sounds like a made-up superpower.”

  “It’s not a superpower. It’s a condition I have…”

  “Yeah? Well I have face blindness,” said Slime Tutorial.

  “Damned straight you fucking do,” said the Reaper.

  “Fuck off! Ladida! Boohoo! My disability lets me become fucking Superman,” roared Slime Tutorial.

  “All of you SHUT UP!!!” yelled Spun. “You dare trespass into Hellish World territory?”

  The Reaper’s eyes widen. “Fuck.” The Reaper takes out his bone claws and activates his bone armor.

  “WHAT THE FUCK!?!?” asked Jedan, seeing his bones protrude out of his own skin and become armor. “I THOUGHT THAT STUFF’S YOUR ARMOR OR SOME SHIT!!! THAT IS YOUR LEGITIMATE SKELETON!?!?”

  “You’re some kinda…” asked Chris. “Infected… right…?”

  Spun yells at them. “ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!! STATE YOUR BUSINESSS!!!”

  The Reaper squints his eyes. “We’re Humans. We didn’t mean to trespass.”

  Spun sneers. “From Black Spiral territory, I see?”

  “Yeah…” said the Reaper.

  “Then die…” said Spun, as the Reaper tackles Slime Tutorial who nearly got blasted with Spun’s heat vision.

  “HOW ARE YOU AN INFECTED USOG-USER!?!?” asked Slime Tutorial. “You can’t have both!”

  “Poppycock propaganda…” said the Reaper, dodging the strikes from Spun. The Reaper sighs. “My Infection is regeneration,” said the Reaper, creating a claw and stabbing Spun in the throat. “That’s it. But I have mastered multiple Usogs.”

  Spun regenerates and headbutts the Reaper, who crashes away and skips like a stone, treading on the sand.

  The Reaper immediately somersaults to avoid another blast of heat vision.

  Suddenly, Slime Tutorial began enveloping his face, entering his veins with his slimy rubbery flesh, but Spun melts his rubbery skin and he catches on fire, causing Slime Tutorial to scream in horror.

  Spun roars and charges at Slime Tutorial, beating him.

  Meanwhile, the entire time, Lord Marvel had been doing stretches.

  “LORD!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?” asked Slime Tutorial.

  “I’m warming up!” smiled Lord.

  “I’M GETTING FUCKING EVISCERATED BY A SUPER TIGER-!!!” Jedan’s jaw is torn off his face and fed back to him, literally, as Spun shoves it into his throat.

  The Reaper roars and stabs Spun from behind. “GOD-!!! GODDAMN IT!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!? FUCK!!!”

  Lord Marvel smiles and charges toward Spun. the Reaper, who is pinning Spun down along with Slime Tutorial, masterfully decapitates Slime’s arms and kicks him away, as he evades himself, where Chris would manifest a shockwave so powerful that it shook the sky above.

  Spun sneers, unfazed, as he grabs Chris’s face and beats him over and over, chipping some rocks off his head upon each strike. The Reaper then tackles him and masterfully stabs his brain, over and over, and over, until his gray matter began leaking out of his skull. Spun falls to his knees and the Reaper keeps on bludgeoning and stabbing his brain stem, until Spun began to lose consciousness.

  “How… are your bones so hard…?” asked Jedan, regenerating.

  “I uh… I have two mastered Usog elements: Fire and Bone. I just heat my bones together to the point where I superheat my bones, right? Then I arrange the carbon molecules of my bones into something similar to Graphene, but way, way, way harder. Super useful.”

  “Yeah, you hit like a bitch,” said Slime Tutorial.

  Lord Marvel frowns and skips around like a child, swinging his arms. “MAN!!!” he tantrumed. “I’M SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM!!!”

  “Lord, I will GET YOU a strong villain,” said Slime Tutorial. “He’s sensitive about his fighting prowess. He JUST lost a fight against you twice.”

  “You two are idiots,” said the Reaper.

  Suddenly, a locket falls from the Reaper’s pocket.

  Slime Tutorial catches it to give it back, smiling, but sees that there’s a boy in the picture. “Who’s the kid?” asked Slime Tutorial.

  “Nobody,” said the Reaper, side-eyeing him. “Just… someone I really care about. Regardless of whether he still gives a damn.” The Reaper walks away. “C’mon. We gotta find a way back…”

  The pair follows after the Reaper, leaving footprints in the sand.