All week, I couldn’t wait for the weekend to come. I kept daydreaming about what it would be like. Concentrating on work was hard. The more days passed, the more I started doubting he would even show up. Maybe he would change his mind, and I would never see him again. Maybe it was all a hallucination. Maybe he didn’t mean it. Sakharkarkhan. I repeated that name in my head a million times, trying to remember it properly, to make it slide off my tongue like my own. Sakharkarkhan. It was so weird. A name I had never heard of. A complicated one. However, I learned it, taught myself to speak it without trouble. Yet I kept wondering if I would ever get to use it again.

  Saturday came around. The winter sun was surprisingly warm. The ocean was rowdy and active, showing off its big waves with beautiful curves. I wore jeans and a jacket, grabbing a backpack with swim shorts in case I got in the water. Wearing flip-flops, I went to the beach. I walked along the water to the cliffs. I thought it would be safer there, and at this point, I considered it our special place. When I arrived, I sat down not far from the shore. I didn’t want to get wet, but I also didn’t want Sakharkarkhan to get too far onto the sand. I wanted him to feel safe with me. I wanted him to be able to run if he chose to.

  I waited for about twenty minutes. The noise of the ocean was serene. Then I heard the call. That familiar shriek. It didn’t sound as harsh to me anymore. Instead, it got me excited. I stood up, walking towards the water, closer to the shore, where the cliffs would protect him from unwanted eyes. The mermaid jumped out of the water. His scales shone in the sun as his gorgeous tail made an arch in the air. I observed him with astonishment. Soon, Sakharkarkhan rose from the water right before me. He had a nervous smile on his face. As waves framed his silhouette in their powerful embrace, washing over his body and messing up his hair with every blow, I couldn’t look away. I might have been captivated by the simple fact of his existence, but I like to think there was more to it.

  He crawled to the beach, leaving just the tip of his tail on the edge of the water. Waves wouldn’t reach me if I sat next to him, so I did. Leaving about a metre of distance between us, I sat down in the sand, my legs crossed.

  “Hi,” I spoke first. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up.”

  “Hi. Why wouldn’t I?” his velvet voice replied.

  “I thought maybe you’d change your mind.”

  “I thought we agreed to meet.”

  “We did, I just… I don’t know. I doubted you actually wanted to see me,” I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly.

  This guy made me feel nervous. I felt so stupid for every word I uttered, feeling hopeless in the conversation, yet Sakharkarkhan listened and replied, never showing he had any concerns.

  “I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t want to,” he smiled slightly, looking at me.

  His smile was so sweet. He seemed more relaxed this time. I noticed that the scales on his tail and muscles of his body were softened. He was leaning back on his hands as his long claws dug into the terrain. He seemed to enjoy the sun and the air.

  “Why did you want to meet me?” I asked uncertainly.

  “I can’t give you a confident answer,” the mermaid admitted. “I simply thought after what happened, maybe you had questions. I have never met someone like you before. So interested and kind.”

  I flustered. Why did he make me feel these emotions?

  “I’ve never met anyone like you before either,” I said, quickly correcting myself. “Or maybe I did. It was so long ago, I’m not sure anymore.”

  “You seem nervous. Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asked concerned.

  “No, no, it’s not that. Not you, I mean, it is you, but you don’t make me uncomfortable. Ugh, sorry, I feel so dumb,” I buried my face in my hands.

  I could feel my face getting red. I probably looked like a schoolgirl in front of her crush. It was so embarrassing.

  “Dumb, as in stupid?” Sakharkarkhan asked, softly tilting his head to the side.

  “Yeah…” I exhaled heavily, dropping my hands on my legs. “I just… I imagined this day so many times in my head that I now feel lost. I have so many questions, I don’t know where or how to start.”

  “Then let’s start with something easy. Your name was Isaac, right? Am I saying it correct?” a caring smile put me at ease.

  “Yup, that’s right. And you… Sakharkarkhan,” I tried not to fumble at that important moment.

  “Wow, I didn’t think you would remember.”

  His genuine surprise made me feel proud. However, I then almost ruined it with my next remark:

  “I trained to say it perfectly this whole week.”

  He giggled, turning his face to the other side in an attempt to hide his amusement. I could hear his quiet laugh and see his body trembling from it. I felt so ashamed of my words at that moment. Yet he turned back to me with a smile on his face, saying:

  “Me too. It took me some time to say your name. It has familiar sounds, but it doesn’t translate so easily to my language.”

  He tucked his tail closer to himself, bending it to rest his hands on. Then he lay down on his arms, looking at me with a dreamy gaze. The soft smile on his lips seemed so caring. I opened my mouth just slightly, but no sound came out. I stared at him with my eyes wide open. He was so pretty. My long pause made him giggle again and hide his face shyly in his arms. I couldn’t look away. His reactions were so human. The more I observed him, the more I saw similarities between us. He was different, there was no doubt, but he was also so… familiar.

  “What kind of questions do you have, Isaac?” he suddenly asked, turning back to me.

  “Um…” I stuttered, “I guess… Was it you who almost drowned me three years ago?”

  Sakharkarkhan hesitated for a brief moment.

  “I don’t remember. Can you tell me more about it?”

  I retold the story to him: how I swam and heard the scream, how I was dragged to the bottom and then back to the surface, how I saw something that looked like a mermaid.

  “No, it wasn’t me,” he said, shaking his head, “but it does sound like a mermaid. Maybe another male wanted to see if you wanted to mate.”

  “But why would they let me go, then?”

  “It’s also possible that you were first grabbed by the female by mistake and then rescued by a male to the surface.”

  “Why would a female grab me? Do they do that for fun?”

  “Probably they were after someone else, and when they realised you weren’t who they expected, they released you. And no, not really. It is a complicated question, but you should know that your tales about us leave out a lot of details.”

  “I was lied to about you not knowing our language my whole life, so I can believe that. My teacher, if I can call him that, told us a lot about mermaids, but he never said anything about your mating or language. I wonder how much truth he actually taught us,” I mirrored my companion, tucking my knees closer to myself and hugging them with my hands.

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  “Was it the man who ran towards you after I left that first time we met?”

  I caught a note of worry in his voice. He was staring at the bottom of his tail, curling himself into a ball like I did.

  “Yes. You saw us?”

  Sakharkarkhan nodded slowly before replying:

  “I know him. I knew you were there because of him, but I decided to trust you anyway. When I saw him running towards you, I felt worried, but I couldn’t risk my life helping you.”

  “You know… Ramon?” I questioned with concern and surprise.

  He nodded. He suddenly seemed gloomy, as if a dark cloud hung over him. I considered my options for a moment. It wasn’t a topic I wanted to get into right now. I liked a smile on his face much more, and I wanted to avoid the thought of that horrible man for longer.

  “So, your mate,” I changed the topic. “What was her name again?”

  At first, Sakharkarkhan gazed at me with confusion. He probably expected me to ask more about Ramon, yet I intended to make him laugh and smile again.

  “Karakhrane. Why?”

  “Another name I should probably know, if we’re going to hang out more often,” I smiled at him.

  “I thought about it, actually. You can call me Han instead of my full name if you want. And for Karakhrane, she said you can call her Kara for short.”

  “All my work learning your name for it to be shortened to Han,” I chuckled.

  He giggled, saying:

  “And it sounded so beautiful when you said it, too.”

  I pressed my lips together. Was it the sun, or was it just me flustering, that made me feel so hot?

  “So… if you don’t mind such a personal question…” I tried to find the right words. “How does the mating thing work?”

  “Mermaids live in small communities, usually related as family. Once a year in spring we all meet in one place to seek out potential mates. If one finds a potential partner, one of them joins the other’s community for a while. Mating usually happens in early summer, but many choose to mate a year after meeting. During early summer females produce eggs, while males seek out human males to get the sperm. Unfortunately for us, only human sperm works for insemination, so we search for someone who will provide it. When sperm is collected, it is used to inseminate the eggs, and then in three months the babies are born. They mature quickly, so they don’t stay small for long. We spend most of our life as young adults, growing rapidly after birth and ageing slowly. Though, we do live less than humans.”

  He explained it with no hesitation. I expected this topic to be rather awkward, but the way he informed me with such confidence made me only more curious.

  “How do females know when to lay the eggs? And how many are there? Does it work like with fish?”

  “Females lay eggs each year. Some have pets that eat unfertilised ones, some simply leave them for wild animals to find. They don’t hold for long, so we have only one month to find a way to inseminate them. Usually, there can be up to five eggs. Karakhrane laid three, and all of them made it thanks to you. And I suppose fish would be a close comparison, yes. But mermaid males can’t produce sperm. Because of that, we have to seek it elsewhere.”

  “Do you only come here, to this city, or are there more places?”

  “We go wherever the ocean is. There are much better places for it than here, but this is the closest to my home.”

  “What do you mean by better?”

  “It’s a long story that I would rather tell some other time, but simply put, this is a very dangerous place. Humans here don’t like us. You try to kill us, hunt us and… so much more.” The pause he made got me concerned. “It’s not safe coming here. There is an island where humans welcome us. They enjoy our presence. It is where most go during mating season. Humans there are ready to share. They are willing to help. However, it created a problem. The number of humans there is limited, so finding a male who didn’t have children with us before is very complicated.”

  “Too small a gene pool.”

  “Yes. Karakhrane and me went there when we first wanted to try, but seeing how many others came there for the same purpose… We decided our children’s health was worth the risk.”

  “So, you came here? Something is telling me it wasn’t the first time you tried.”

  “Correct. We tried for three years.”

  “Three?! Was this… third?”

  “Yes. My previous attempts were… unsuccessful.”

  His tone was getting darker and darker. I had my assumptions why, but I didn’t want to pry. Not on our first official meeting.

  “Is Kara okay with you seeing me?”

  “Why wouldn’t she be?”

  “Well, she’s your mate and the mother of your children. I suppose you still count as their father.”

  He chuckled:

  “I’m no more a father than you are. Our mating was more a deal we made than the creation of a family. Mermaids are reduced in number each year, leading not only to trouble finding a mate but also closing all of us to extinction. I wanted to avoid having children for longer, mostly because I thought I wouldn’t have any way to do that, and also because of the danger. Yet I still went to that meeting, hoping to find someone to share my existence with. Instead, I found Karakhrane. We became close friends. She and her lover, Raskarerkne, were trying to find a male to help them start a family. Despite me being still too young for their taste, we became so close that they couldn’t imagine asking someone else. I agreed because I love them as friends. They are both great mothers. Also, I wanted to be useful. If I will never have a family of my own, at least now I know that I helped someone else.”

  “Why would you never have a family of your own? You say it like it is predetermined,” I was confused and curious.

  “Humans have this too, as far as I know. Females don’t always mate with males, and males also sometimes don’t mate with females. We are the same. Part of us is drawn to our own: females to females and males to males. Well… Karakhrane and Raskarerkne are like that. I am… like that.”

  Sakharkarkhan spoke with sadness in his voice. It seemed it was hard for him to admit it. I felt something very similar. After that time we had sex, I kept thinking about it. Why was I attracted to him? Why was I attracted to a man? My whole life I wondered why I never felt anything romantic towards the women I dated. Why I never wanted to actively have sex with them. I thought maybe I was broken, or maybe everyone lied about their attraction, or maybe I simply hadn’t found the one. I gave up on dating a while ago, spending most of my time in the company of men. My friends were my rescue. However, I never thought I might have been attracted to men. After meeting Sakharkarkhan, I started thinking back on my life. It made sense. For the first time in my life, it made sense. I did have crushes on my guy friends, I had experienced lust for a male body, I knew all those feelings everyone always talked about. I simply ignored them, thinking it was nothing. At the time, I was finding all kinds of excuses. ‘He was simply handsome. I just admire him as a person. I don’t want him, I just want to be him.’ Now it seemed so obvious. Now that I sat next to this mermaid guy, who looked so cute in the mild light of a winter sun, it all seemed so insignificant.

  “I get what you’re talking about,” I said. “I think… I’m also… like that.”

  He turned to me. His expression was mixed. The guy seemed lost in my words. I smiled at him softly. I didn’t know him well yet, but I wanted to. I moved closer to him. Gently, without rush. At first, I noticed his scales become tender. The spikes on them moved as if breathing, tensing up and softening. Han’s gaze was unsure. He straightened up a little, putting one of his hands behind him to lean a little away from me. I didn’t pressure him. I only moved a couple of centimetres, not really getting near him. I saw his gills flare up as I acted. When I stopped, assuming a new position, straightening my legs on the sand and leaning back on my hands, relaxed, I noticed my companion had calmed down as well. His tail was still tense, but his breathing slowed. I wanted to be careful. I didn’t know what Sakharkarkhan had experienced before, but I got a hint it wasn’t good. He knew Ramon. I also knew Ramon, and I knew how cruel that man could be. Someday I would ask Han about it, but not today.

  We sat in silence for a little while. The sound of waves crashing against the rocks and the shore. The lazy sun was starting to fall towards the horizon. It was still bright, but heavy clouds were starting to wrap themselves across the grey sky. I still had so many questions to ask, yet simply sitting next to the mermaid, enjoying the winter air together, felt nice.

  “I’m getting cold,” suddenly said Sakharkarkhan quietly.

  Instinctively, I took off my jacket and slowly put it around his shoulders. He stared at me with astonishment.

  “You can go into the water whenever you like. I just thought maybe this will help you sit with me for a little longer,” I told him fondly.

  “Will you get cold?”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m used to this chill.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you the first time we met,” Han commented unexpectedly. “It took me so long to find someone who would give me what I needed that I couldn’t risk losing it.”

  “It’s good that you left. Ramon was there, and I don’t think I would be able to protect you from him.”

  “Thank you for everything, Isaac. I don’t know how to repay you.”

  “I’m glad I could help. You don’t need to repay me in any way, but I do enjoy your company. Please don’t feel obligated to meet me again, though I will admit, I’d really like that.”

  “I would like to see you again too,” he paused. “You’re nice. I still fear this kindness, if I’m honest, but you seem… different.”

  “I want you to feel safe with me. If I ever make you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay? I just want to know more about you.”

  We spoke for a little longer. I told him about my family and my life. Told him about my job and how it finally made me feel happy. It was refreshing to be so open. I didn’t tell him anything about my mermaid course experience, and I didn’t tell him how much I wanted to kiss him again. However, we sat there sharing stories of our lives. Small snippets of something that seemed so unimportant before. The shopping stores, the food, the land… I felt like I could talk to him forever.