Chapter 12: A Lance-Corporal, Punished.

  One of the many problems that the pilot simulator had was that, due to the simulated nature of the program, there’s always a sense of disconnect. No matter how realistic a simulator is, you remember that it’s not actually the real thing. As long as you remember that you’re not actually piloting a mech in that moment, you won’t necessarily feel the same fear and adrenaline that you would in the field.

  I tried to remember that as I bashed the virtual representation of Rahab’s skull in, again, and again and again. The mission ended, and I jumped out of the program. Emma was doing better than anticipated, but the simulator had another flaw: the opponents were way weaker than the real thing.

  Emma stretched as she reviewed the footage of our VR sortie, as I walked over to the Major. I tapped next to her desk. “I might spend some solo time in the simulator. I need to be ready-“

  “You’ve racked up 3 hours today, and that’s just what you’ve remembered to log. Give it a rest, Beltran. You’ll give yourself a bloody headache.”

  “I need to be ready for anything. What about the girls? Are they going to be prepared?”

  “Fuck knows. You’re logging up a lot of solo time against Rahab. You got those dreams again or something?”

  I paused, blood running cold. “You got them too? So then why didn’t-“

  Our conversation was interrupted by Amy rushing into the office. “He’s hacked our bloody phones!”

  “Who?”

  “Detritus! He keeps calling my phone, and I can’t hang up!”

  As if on cue, I got a call from my mother’s phone number. Foolishly, I picked up, and was treated to the not-so-dulcet tones of Detritus’ laughter. “You’re a fraud too, Puma One! You ain’t shit without your mech! You punk-ass bitch, that’s why you can’t do nothing ‘bout it!”

  “Please hold.”

  I gestured towards Silverback, but the Major shook her head. I tried to hang up, but the phone wouldn’t let me. I picked back up again, and racked my brains on what to do. Instantly, I heard Detritus again. “Nah, bitch, you ain’t putting Detritus on hold. I hear you, and I smell you, and it smells like bitch out here! The minute me and the others roll up, you’re dead, you heard? Dead!”

  “The others?”

  “Yeah, me, Che, Rahab, Iron Ma-MMMPPH!”

  The line went dead as Detritus’s words were smothered. My blood temperature was now Antarctic. I looked around. Emma and Amy looked confused, and the Major’s expression was carefully unreadable, the ultimate poker face. Emma was the first to break the silence. “So, these monsters are actually working together-“

  “Provided that Detritus’ leak is reliable. But if so, this completely rewrites everything we know about Port Moonstone’s monster problem”, the Major replied. “Someone or something’s in charge. Someone is actually co-ordinating all this. These aren’t random, like we used to think.”

  “And fucking Rahab’s still out there”, I spat, more aggressively than planned. Everyone gave me an odd look. The Major nodded slowly. “Right. Unfortunately, prior reports notwithstanding, based on this report, Rahab may still be out there in some way-“

  “Didn’t take Detritus yapping to tell me-“

  “Beltran, I suggest you shut your trap, preferably before you end up violating the Official State Secrets Act. In terms of what this means for us, not a great deal changes. Amethyst, Emerald, I’ll schedule you two for some high priority training. I’ll need to come up with some contingency plans, and potentially interface with Canberra. Beltran, a word.”

  I followed the Major, conflict bubbling up under the surface. If there was the slightest chance that she knew about any of this…

  I was led to a small holding cell, heavily barred. The Major gestured to a seat, but I wasn’t in a sitting mood. The Major shrugged.

  “Look, I get that Rahab’s a touchy subject-“

  “Touchy subject!? Touchy subject is for a pending divorce, or a fucking gambling debt! Jim Parkes died fighting Rahab, and Canberra covered it up! That man died defending Port Moonstone, defending Staaldier! And they want me to pretend that Jim Parkes didn’t exist?”

  “Beltran-“

  “And what about Sophie Kessler, huh? She was having those dreams too. And Defence wants to sweep it all under the covers, pretend it’s alright? She-“

  “I know damn well what those reports say, Beltran! I’m the one who had to sign them all! Now I need you focused and sharp. If you’re going to come in here, and worry them about events that happened close to a decade ago, then I’ll find another bloody pilot. I’ve already managed to find one backup magical girl. Don’t think that I can’t replace you.”

  My jaw dropped, only now realizing how viciously I’d been outplayed, and how badly I'd come close to fucking up. And for the first time in my life, the Major looked at me with sympathy. I hated it. She sighed. “I can’t forget either, Beltran. I saw the photos. But repeat after me: No chasing white whales.”

  “I can’t promise that.”

  “If he’s out there, I promise, you will get your chance, provided it’s strategically advantageous. But your vengeance will not come at the expense of the broader goals of the Initiative. You’re not a teenager anymore, and you won’t be a pilot without me. You will obey my orders, former Lance-Corporal Beltran. And as of right now, I want you off my base.”

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  As I breezed past Emma and Amy, I burned with rage, with humiliation, but I forced myself to stay calm. I still wasn’t sure if I could trust the Major, but a reckoning was coming, and I would need to focus.

  First thing I did on my way home, I grabbed some paint and a roller from the local Bunnings. It was finally time to deal with that carnival mask. I changed into some old clothes, and began painting over the mask, looking to drown the bright colours under a sea of Titanium White. But with every roll, I couldn’t help but think of every way that Rahab had ruined my life.

  There was Jim Parkes AKA, Jumper Two, my squad-mate who’d died trying to lure Rahab away from a bridge and taking that bastard with him, or so I thought, and so the reports officially stated. There was Sophie Kessler, whose diary had revealed dream threats from Rahab before I found her dead, eyes plucked from the corpse. And sure, I might have wanted to leave the Army early, but I’d always imagined doing so on my own terms, not being granted early discharge in exchange for silence regarding everything I’d seen and done.

  I sighed as I applied more coats. The colours of the mask were beginning to disappear, and the adrenaline was wearing off. I leaned back, considered my handiwork, and the words from the briefing. Maybe the Major was right. Maybe I hadn’t escaped the consequences as well as I’d thought. But this war was different: a psychic war, where even my mind and my dreams could be the new battlefield. But what weapons did I have to fight it?

  My phone rang, and I picked up. “Alright Detritus, you want to trade barbs again? Here goes, you whiny-ass-“

  “Um, it’s me, Amy. I just wanted to see that you were okay.”

  I bit my tongue. Fuck. “Ah, sorry. For everything. For losing my-“

  “Whatever. You left in a hurry, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, you looked after me when I lost my temper with The Major, and I figured I should at least try do something. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

  I put the paint roller down, leaned against my door. “Honestly, I don’t know. Look, the Major’s been very clear: I legally can’t talk about a lot of stuff regarding the old days, or the Army. I wouldn’t be surprised if this call was being recorded. I’m guessing you’ve worked out that Rahab’s kind of personal for me. But I can’t tell you anything more, Amy.”

  “I mean, Iron Mask was a little bit personal to me. He was the one we couldn’t bring in, and it sucked. But I guess for you, this is on a whole other level.”

  “Yeah. You could say that.”

  The sky was changing colour now, entering the golden hour. I pursed my lips as I looked, lost in the colours. That was one of the redeeming features of Port Moonstone, I guess: the beauty of the sky above the waterfront. I shrugged as I began cleaning up the paint. “Look, if the Major’s asked you to contact me, tell her-“

  “The Major didn’t tell me anything, nor did Emma. I- I’m just worried. I mean, on my first day, you saved me from making the worst mistakes of my life. Let me return the favour. And I’m sorry if I sound selfish, Elias. I need to be the Crystal Guardian. I need to be a heroine that can help people. And like you said, you’re the fuel for my transformation now, so I need you to be emotionally okay if we’re going to be working together, because this relationship… I mean, our working relationship, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea, but-”

  I nodded. “I get what you’re trying to say, and I’m genuinely grateful for what you’re trying to do here. Do you still hate me?”

  I kept looking out at that golden sky, as the colour began to change, from gold, to an almost pink colour. Maybe I was pushing my luck, but I didn’t really have anybody I could be open with about this sort of thing, and I never realized how much I craved it. Her voice came through as a relief. “I mean, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t go so far as to call us friends, but we’re partners, I guess. I think that means something, at least.”

  She didn’t hate me outright, at least, which was comforting. But I still needed to know where exactly I stood. “Tell me something, Amy: Do you believe me now, when I tell you that I’ve changed?”

  Another pause. Maybe I’d pushed too far, me and my big mouth. How many times had my mouth and my dumb decisions got me into trouble over the years? Now, Amy sounded uncertain. “I don’t know, Elias. Like I said: before this job, I only knew you as a voice on the radio, and we went to different schools anyway. Any information I had about you came through Emma. So it’s not that I don’t think you haven’t changed. It’s more that I didn’t know who you really were back then to begin with. That’s not a question I can really answer for you.”

  The silence hung over us like the bomb about to drop. I got up, stretched just a little bit. “I mean, it’s not the answer I was hoping to hear, but it’s a fair one. And maybe I have a bit better idea where we stand with each other. Be seeing you, Amy.”

  I hung up, dumped what remained of the paint, cleaned off the roller, and went inside. I checked the news sites and the blogosphere. The blogs were talking about us, just a little bit, and we even had an advertisement for the magical girl toys. I snorted. Why the algorithms thought I’d be the target market was beyond me.

  I grabbed some Japanese takeout from a joint near me: pork yakisoba noodles. Bringing up Spotify, I knew that I needed some music to clear my head, but what to pick? The curse of inifinte choice was my biggest problem with a lot of modern music, and not helping was the fact that none of the music I usually listened to would have had the desired effect. Eventually I settled on Explosions In The Sky, something simple, without any vocals to worry about. But the instrumentals didn’t clear my head at all. They just got me thinking.

  I knew I was in dangerous waters all around. I needed a way of getting back good with the Major, and fast, by whatever means necessary, but could I even do that at this point? And then there was Amy. Look, I’d genuinely liked talking to Amy, which was something that surprised me. I guess I liked having someone I could be honest with. I had no idea what had happened to the rest of the Staaldier initiative: as far as anyone was concerned, I was the last of the group. Until that conversation with Amy, I never realised just how much I needed someone who could understand what I’d been through. Sure, there was the Major, but she obviously wasn’t much of a conversationalist. This was my cross to bear.

  Outside, I could hear spraying noises, but this time, I wasn’t going to engage. I turned my headphones up, and tried not to think about the argument I was about to have with the body corporate.