Hollow Feelings

  Like most mornings, listening to the thrum of voices whispering in his already-exhausted mind, Theo left the class common room and headed over to the lecture halls.

  The first hints of sunlight were peeking over the hills, piercing a light blue sky tinted with the faintest traces of the purple of the night. The air was chilly, and he could see his breath crystallize in front of him, the snow from a few days ago still lingering by the edges of the walkway and the grass.

  Wrapping his robe closer to himself, he stopped at the edge of the main inner courtyard to take in the unchanged landscape—the frosty grass, the tall buildings, the piles of snow, the last few spell-candles before morning finally came, the Great Hall, the black fencing that surrounded the Academy, a dark, robed shadow standing on the other side of the fence.

  What?

  He blinked, and they were gone.

  Letting out a long puff of air, he continued down the path toward the classrooms, where he’d undoubtedly have to accept that everything had to return to normal—a normal that was his life before Ty. A normal where he despised the world.

  Ascending the stairs, feeling slightly faint but doing a satisfactory job of shutting away the voices that were quieter now than they ever were, Theo finally arrived at their classroom on the third floor.

  The door slid easily to the side, and unsurprising emptiness confronted him. The same old lecture tables, the same cold seats in the morning, the same desk at the front where Moriya would usually sit on top of when delivering his lectures. Everything was the same.

  Even when he took his seat at the far end of the room, on the second row of lecture benches closest to the front, he could only feel an overwhelming sense of normalcy to it all. Staying the course that he had always envisioned for himself before he got wrapped up in his classmates’ lives, he would attend his classes, study, and fight. Do whatever was asked of him and graduate, maybe work for MATS one day.

  But now? Protect the chosen family Ty had loved so much, just so he wouldn’t let her down, just so he could fulfill one of the many promises she had taken with her, all of which he could no longer rescind?

  He turned his head to the left and saw the frosted window to the side instead of Ty’s slender, Grace-like profile. The sun’s rays instead of a shadow.

  So what am I doing here?

  He was here to be the next tactician like Ty had prepared him to be…but school? Sitting in their same old place listening to lectures for an exam that they would likely never take? The preliminary report that Faris had left him the night before said as much in less casual terms when it spoke of impromptu field exams, when it spoke of the tragedy of Eslah without naming them and his ghost, when it conveniently left out the unspeakable calamity of Cephelia that followed.

  Silently, and with no grand revelations, he swiveled his head back to the blackboard at the front, staring as if it would yield him an answer. But miracles did not exist; fate, even less likely. He had been given a chance once, the universe had given him mercy once, and then never again. What remained was his responsibility.

  It was almost a nauseous feeling, finally realizing this while sitting in the room that would not be his grave.

  I wonder if Ty felt this way, too.

  “You’re here early, Theo.”

  “I am,” he responded without even turning his head.

  “You sound better today. Did you remember to eat this morning?”

  “Last…night,” he admitted somewhat reluctantly, lowering his eyes to his tightly clasped hands on the desk in front of him.

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  “That’s good. I’m glad.”

  He took a slow breath. “How was your break?”

  Callie, who was taking out her notebook and pen, did not conceal her bashful smile. “It was lovely, but I’m…glad to be back. Somehow, this all feels more…more normal.”

  Theo absently nodded, reserving his own feelings about her word choice.

  “Hey…Theo.”

  He turned his head toward her and saw his ghost staring back.

  He blinked, and it was no longer there.

  Callie stared back at him, her eyes soft but concerned. “How was she? You know, when she left.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, he faced the front of the room again. Silently, he considered the question.

  “Was she happy? Sad? How did she seem?”

  The last image of her before she left, repeating endlessly in his mind. As he waved, hastily wiping away his tears with his other hand so she wouldn’t be even the slightest bit blurry in his memory. Tears running down her face as well as she waved back, their promises to each other eternally etched in the sky-blue ring on her finger, shining brighter than the sun. Her dark cloak and dress flowing behind her as she turned away, hid her smile and tears for the last time, her thinning, pale hair gently swaying in the calm wind.

  He who hated the world opened his mouth to respond—she was happy—but could not let the words go.

  “And here I thought I was early.”

  Saved by Kor, who stood at the entrance only to yawn and stretch, regarded the two students with a single eye open. “Couldn’t sleep a wink last night. Been anxious about what’s going to happen, current events and all,” she sighed loudly before dropping her arms and opening her other eye as well.

  Theo rested his chin in the palm of his left hand as he gave the chemist a sidelong glance, saying nothing as he watched her look left and right twice before stepping in.

  “Say, Theo, where’s your other half?”

  Letting his head slip from his palm and hit the desk, Theo slowly curled his arm around his neck. He was back to staring into nothingness. Back to being useless.

  Luckily, Callie chimed in. “Maybe Professor Moriya will have something to say about the absences. A few of us are gone, so…”

  With his head partially down, Theo could not see why Callie’s words had drifted off, but he could hear it. The faint but unmistakable sound of tapping echoing down the hall, slightly slower than walking pace.

  “Morning, sunshine,” called Kor with a smile so wide it could be heard in her voice.

  Tap, tap, tap. Pause. Tap. Slam. Tap, tap.

  “Wow, good morning to you too.” Her bright mood soured by what was undoubtedly a brusque rejection of her antics, the tapping continued around the back of the room until it reached the edge of the bench.

  He tilted his head and looked wearily at Faris to his left, whose pale and disinterested gaze mirrored his. Exhausted, again.

  “Hey,” Theo offered, watching him sit on the bench and shuffle down it until there was a ghost-sized space between them.

  “Hey,” whispered the caster, voice still only a croak as he faced the blackboard, taking out no writing instruments or paper because he didn’t carry his book bag with him, because all he needed were the tomes in his pockets. Because he knew.

  With a long and labored sigh, Theo sat back up in his seat and faced the blackboard with his classmate.

  “Wow, Elias, you’re early too. What in the Graces is happening today?” announced Kor yet again at another classmate entering.

  “Screw off.”

  “Sounds about right.”

  And then it was silent again as they all waited for the next interruption. Which arrived not a minute later.

  “What, this is it?”

  Of course.

  Theo turned his head this time at the loud, barking words. Seeing Kor first, who still stood by the entrance, and then the petite royal by her side. Arms folded across her chest, her hood on, an indignant look on her face.

  “It’s really just the mentally unstable ones left, huh,” she continued to speak loudly, stepping into the room and canvassing the ones present.

  “What about Darius and Cyril?” Theo dared to ask, knowing all too well the truth behind the botanist’s words.

  “Darius is right behind me, insane just like the rest of us,” replied Selene confidently, sauntering into the room like she owned it and sitting down in her regular spot.

  The intimidating shadow of the old Ancient appeared in the doorway not long after, looking just as worn down as Theo and Faris.

  “Hello, everyone.” With a weak wave, the Ancient went to sit at the very back of the class as everyone watched; it was rare to see him show up to class.

  Meanwhile, Kor continued to examine her timepiece at the door, mumbling to herself.

  “Come on, sit down,” insisted Selene.

  “Ty’s late. Where is she?”

  Theo turned his head back to Faris at the mention of her name, this time stifling the sigh he wanted to let out and instead uttering words that would have made his ghost proud.

  “Thanks for last night.”

  Faris shifted his head slightly to glance at Theo and then resumed watching the empty desk at the front of the class where Professor Moriya usually sat. “Mm.”

  “Come on, Kor. She’s probably doing whatever she wants to as usual, let it go.”

  Kor audibly stomped her feet in place as she pulled her cloak close and folded her arms across her chest. She pouted at Selene and nodded to Darius halfway through her sentence. “But I want to see it! We spent so much time on it—it’d be a shame if it was loose, or she didn’t like it, or—” Cut off abruptly, her tone shifted completely. “Oh shit, where the f—I’m so sorry—”

  Every head in the room turned to the door.