Chapter 5 - ...Belt for the Dogs
The light of the veiled sun shily shone through the big windows of the chapel, hitting the crucifix from behind, and projecting its shadow onto us.
?The man walked, and found himself in front of his enemy: tied, powerless. He clenched the sword with strength, and looked at the clouded sky as he spoke to God, asking what he was to do with him.?
While the sister was preaching, an unnatural silence was engulfing the room: everyone was listening, captivated.
Her voice echoed throughout the dimly lit room, as the light of the candles flickered from the wind coming through the old windows.
?God didn’t answer, but the man remembered: the one in front of him was responsible for his suffering; him, and no one else. The man drew his sword, and slowly inserted it in his enemy’s chest, thanking God for granting him revenge.?
An eruption of applauses. Energetic, enthusiast applauses of a satisfied crowd.
The teachings had changed, but not the mind of the kids: they obeyed, like a flock of sheeps, and preached what they were taught to preach.
It was hard to discern whether they were just pretending, or those teachings were actually followed.
As for myself, it was neither: I prayed. I studied. I did as it was requested of me, yet never had I ever applauded, or cherished in any way what I was taught.
I wanted to walk the path of God, and I wished to follow the teachings, but something deep down made me wish they were different. Was I being unfaithful?
?You are now free to go, dear children: I will call upon you to grant the best preachers a coin.? She dismissed us, not putting even half the effort to fake a smile, compared to months ago.
The children started getting out of the chapel in ordered lines, so that the Sister could pick them out easily to give them the coins.
All of their eyes shone in anticipation, looking into those of the Sister.
Their heads turned not to break the eye-contact. More and more, until they couldn't turn any further...
That was when their eyes would lose that spark. No coin for them. They hadn't done enough.
When it came to me, I walked towards the door without expecting to be called: I was obedient, but not a devoted preacher.
No coin was there for me. Not here.
But, why was Sister Judy looking at me?
?Elias. Wait for me outside, please.? She said, with a straight face worthy of the coldest businessman.
I nodded, and waited outside as instructed, while my chest felt like a drum: did I do something wrong? Was I in trouble?
As doubt boosted the rhythm of the drum in my chest, the few lucky winners paraded in front of me, one by one: some had huge smiles on their faces, while others looked around cautiously, holding their coins tightly.
The door closed behind Sister Judy.
?Thanks for waiting for me.? She started, not even a slight smile on her face.
A metal key locked the room, before sliding back into her pocket.
I gulped, waiting for her to say something.
?I noticed you haven’t been applauding like the others, lately.?
Gripping my shirt tightly, I diverted my gaze to the ground.
?I-I... Uhm-? The steps around me became warped, as everything became blurry.
What was I supposed to answer? What answer would they want?
The floor started moving beneath me, like a small pond I was sinking into.
I-I wasn't a disbeliever. I was on the path of God! I really was!
A distorted voice whispered through the noises, clearing my head of all sounds.
I... couldn't. I was- No, I wasn't. I just needed time to adjust. Just a little more.
Yeah, I was just like the others. Just. Like. Them.
?Is there something wrong, Sister Judy?? Asked a rough voice, from behind my back.
?Oh, nothing much, Brother Julius: I was just asking why Elias doesn’t seem to part-take in our prayers.? She answered, bluntly.
I didn’t dare to turn: Brother Julius had proven to be very harsh with Max, when Daniel had died. Who could tell me what he could have done to me, if he heard about my misbehaviours?
?Are you really surprised, Sister?? He asked, with his very unique blend of blunt irony and annoyance. ?This kid is so shy, he never even raises his hand during class.?
Grip softened, my eyes raised: was he.. defending me?
?I know, but I need to hear his excuse from him.? She replied.
?If you wait for him to say something, you might as well take a chair: he asks his friend to ask for him, when he needs to go to the bathroom during my class?
That.. was a straight up lie?
There was no doubt that he was defending me, but.. why?
?Well, I got time.? She crossed her slim arms in front of her chest.
I gathered some courage, and tried to move that boulder stuck in my throat.
?I-I’m just.. embarrassed.. to do it.? I stuttered, gaze still on the ground.
?See? I told you, didn’t I? He is even afraid to tell his opinion just in front of us.? Concluded Brother Julius. ?Now go, kid.?
Back in my room, I found an unusual guest sitting on Leo's bed.
?Oh, it’s you.? The happiness in Emily’s eyes dropped as soon as she saw me entering.
?Y-Yeah.. I sleep here, too.?
?Fair enough. I’m waiting for Leo, so get out as soon as he arrives, okay?? She waved her hand.
I didn’t answer and just sank into my bed.
Half an hour passed, and no trace of Leo.
The ticking of the clock and the stomping of Emily’s feet on the ground, strangely well synchronized, made me keep track of time without moving my face from the mattress.
The sole presence of that girl in the room was making me unable to relax...
Why was she even waiting for him in our room, when it would've been easier for her to look for him outside?
I wanted her to get out... Or should I have gone out, instead?
Hell no. This was MY room.
?You sure are dumb? She said.
?Huh?? I turned around, squainting my eyes to adjust to the light.
That sure was an "Emily" way to start a conversation.
?I said that you are dumb.?
?Where did that come from??
?If you disagree with what they teach us, at least try to hide it.? She suggested.
?W-What are you..?? My hands started trembling again.
?You're so bad at lying, it's embarassing... I'm not telling anyone, relax.? She had switched the rhythm of her stomping, mimicking a weird, tribal-ish song.
The sound of her feet meeting the ground was the only thing in that room faster than my heartbeat.
?I-I'm not- I believe!? I shouted.
?Pf-Pftt? Emily erupted in laughter, rolling on Leo's blanket.
?"I-I believe!"? She mocked me.
?See? Bad at lying.? She said, still smiling.
?S-Shut it! I really believe.?
The room fell silent for a few seconds.
?But if I... let's say, had some doubts... How would I hide them??
She shrugged.
?Just look around and copy the others. They all act the same, anyway.?
It was weird though.. Why was Emily giving me a tip?
?I thought you hated me..? Without realising, I voiced my thoughts.
?I do. If it was for me, you could die; but Leo would be sad if you did. So you can live. Away from us.?
I laughed it off: it was quite fun to see her act that way and, to be honest, it didn’t make me feel attacked.
The door opened, and Leo walked into the room.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
?Time for me to go.? I said, wearing my shoes.
Leaving them alone, although probably a nuisance for Leo, was going to be my way of thanking her for the advice.
I marched to the courtyard, feeling confident: today, I would’ve talked with Max.
The corridors were almost empty, aside from a kid or two walking towards their rooms with books in their hands.
Right in front of the chamber of silence, I bumped into someone.
The sound of several coins falling to the ground echoed through the empty corridor.
?Don't touch them!? He screamed, before I could even think about picking them up. ?They're mine.?
He was a pale, brown-eyed child with ginger hair.
His short, skinny figure had made such little noise when falling, that it had been covered by the clinging sound of the coins.
Freckles covered his face like ink droplets on a piece of paper.
WIthout even picking his glasses up, he moved his hands on the floor, frantically searching for his coins.
?I-I just wanted to-? I felt my guts tightening as his eyes darted towards me like bloody bullets.
?O-Oh I know what you want to do...? His breathing got heavier, and faster. ?I'm not letting you touch my coins.?
?I don't want to-?
?L-Leave!? His face turned red.
I didn't spare the glances while I took a deroute through the girls' rooms, but he didn't seem to notice. He picked up his coins, one by one, carefully counting them as he put them back in his pockets.
I took out one of the coins that I always kept in my pocket.
"They're all so crazy about this stuff..." I started playing with it as I walked past the now empty nursery.
I wanted them too, of course: I had used them once or twice, when I craved some sweets, but to think there'd be people keeping them like treasures...
I was starting to think those coins had something ominous to them.
Arriving at the heavy wooden entrance door, high just enough for me to think giants could’ve fit into it effortlessly, I pushed it and got outside.
The sun was about to set, and the shade of the big oak tree that had been guarding the entrance to the orphanage, was being cast on most of the courtyard.
The tables outside; well, the ones still in the light, were all occupied.
Books, notes and sweets were scattered on the tables, along with several copper coins and decks of cards.
Even though we were outside, the intense smell of sweat around the crowded tables where they played cards was making it difficult to breathe.
?Ladies and gents, place your bets!? The kid with the deck of cards smiled slily.
I knew that phrase! It was from one of the books they recommended to us in class: the story of a man making a fortune in a casino.
The book itself was quite interesting, but the game was explained in such detail that it was hard to read without losing track of the plot.
To be fair, it seemed more like a manual for the game than a novel.
I made my way through the sweaty crowd, all the way to the table. The people around me looked at the game with bloodshot eyes, some even took notes of the moves.
The eyes of the players looked like they were ready to shoot out of their orbits. Black circles underlined them like the fur of a panda.
?Bets closed!? The "croupier" announced.
Just as he was about o uncover the cards, I managed to find a spot with a good view on the table.
The game itself was a much easier version of the one we had seen in the book: four players would play with a single deck of cards, each one of them with three cards in hand.
At the beginning of a turn, the roll of a die would decide a player to reveal their card, and the rest would put theirs face down on the table.
Then, everyone would try to guess whether the three remaining players would score higher than the sum of the revealed card and that of the croupier or not.
The ones that guessed right got a share of all of the bets based on how much they bet.
But, there was a trick: if the croupier revealed an ace, he would take all.
And that was exactly what happened: ace of hearts. Nine copper coins, all to the croupier.
A player banged his head on the table and left, raising laughter among the crowd.
A few days prior, Leo had insisted on playing with us without betting, and I really couldn't understand how people would be so fixated on this game.
It was fun, sure, but to think some of them would stay up all night honing their technique... that seemed crazy to me.
The rest of the players whispered amongst themselves- their shaky hands holding handfuls of coins. Wonder how they had gotten that many...
?Seems like we have found a new player?? The croupier kid looked at the coin still in my hand.
?I'll pass, thanks.? I smiled ?I'm low on coins.?
?And that's exactly why you should play! Beginners hit it big? He smiled back, slily.
Well... One game wouldn't hurt, would it? I would've played one game, then I was leaving. Maybe playing for coins was more fun...
Besides, all of the people from the crowd were looking at me...
A hand grabbed me from the robe, pulling me out of the crowd. When I turned to see who it was, they had already disappeared into thin air.
Aside from the large crowd around the tables and the Brothers, glancing at us from time to time, no one seemed close enough to have grabbed me. Whoever it was must've been in the crowd.
?Ladies and gents, we found our fourth! Now, place your bets!? The player was substituted, and the game went on, which reminded me I had more important things to do.
I scouted around, searching for Max, but I couldn’t find him anywhere in the front.
Taking a turn to explore the back, I was confronted with the harsh truth that came to be, after this new system settled in:
?Punch him harder! He is smiling!? Said one kid. Hands tainted in the blood of another, who was being held by the collar of the robe.
The kid was in fact opening his mouth, but it looked more like he was gasping for air than smiling.
?I would, but he’s wiggly, just like a worm.? Laughed the one holding him.
The kid's face was full of blood drawing lines across the pimples.
?You said that the one that hurts him the most gets to keep his coins?? Asked one of them to a third, more calm and relaxed.
His face wasn't new... but I couldn't bring myself to remember his name.
He was watching everything silently, playing with a pair of scissors as that scene unraveled in front of him.
?..Yeah, now switch.? He ordered, eyes cold as ice.
The other two switched places instantly and, in the process, they noticed me.
?He-He-Hey.. someone’s peeping!? Said the one that had just freed his hands.
I stood there in shock: in front of me wasn’t another one of the kids, but a hungry wolf.
?Want a go too?? Suggested the calm one.
?W-Why are you doing that?? I asked, still shocked from that view.
?I need to teach them what happens when you don't reach the quota? Responded the calm kid, without a hint of a smile.
That nonchalance made me feel a rage that I couldn’t even describe. Yet, I felt like I couldn't express it.
?I-I don't think you should do it.? I told them, with a shaky voice.
?Why not? Brother Matthias said it: we should embrace sin.? He responded, looking at me dead in the eyes.
He was right: that would have been the most logical interpretation of those words, if not the only possible one.
However, I felt like there was no way it could be the right one. There was no way the adults were telling us to harm each other, right?
The calm kid got up and came to me, pulling me with his arm around my neck.
?You are friends with Leo, right? Two punches, then you can go?
I looked at the kid, covered in blood and bruises, and pondered my choice for a second.
He looked familiar... had anyone cut their hair that short lately?
Turning his head, one of the bullies revealed a fresh cut on its back.
Ginger hair, freshly cut. Forcefully cut.
These kids were insane! They weren't just bullying him, they were humiliating him!
As I stepped back, I heard a crack from beneath my feet.
A pair of very familiar glasses were shattered on the ground.
Glasses, pimples, ginger hair... the image of the kid counting the coins a few minutes earlier resurfaced to my mind.
"He didn't meet his quota." I looked at the kid with the scissors in horror, as I connected the dots.
?Just. Like. That.? He whispered, reaching for my hand to close it into a fist.
His intense gaze on me made it seem like I was about to become the victim, if I didn’t accept.
I needed to do something. I needed to speak!
Two punches. Two light ones, at that; then I could leave. I could do that, right?
No. I couldn't.
That wasn’t me. That was where I drew the line.
?N-No.? I took a step back, retrieving my hand from his- my voice still sounded shaky.
?Huh??
?I-I said no?
?Wrong answer? He whispered to me- his warm breath on my ear.
The two other kids locked me in place before I could run away, and started using me like a punching bag.
Two minutes, maybe more: that’s how much it took for me to collapse under their blows.
I looked around, hoping they weren't picking on the ginger kid as well.
He wasn't there.
The realization hit me like a cold shower: he had left me to pay for him.
Those feelings rearranged my guts in a whirlpool.
?What’s going on, here?? Asked someone from the balcony, with a calm but clear voice.
I checked with my peripheral vision, as my neck couldn't move much: white drapes of cloth and blonde strands of hair were watching over the scene.
I couldn’t be mistaken: that was Sister Melody.
The kids stopped hitting me, and the calm one, as well, had replaced that sadistic smile with a look of uncertainty.
I drew a sigh of relief: I was safe.
?We were just.. playing. Yeah: we were playing, right?? He looked at me, with a mute fury in his eyes.
I couldn't bring myself to confirm it, nor deny it.
The warm blood running down from my nose, dripping to the ground, kept track of the time that passed.
Why wasn’t she stopping them?
?And you expect me to believe that? Pathetic.? The look on her face, while she said that, wasn’t her usual smile, but a cold, disappointed gaze.
?You should be more proud of your sin, Bruce.? She scolded him.
Bruce... That was the guy Max was arguing with in the bathroom!
?And you, Elias: you should react.?
Did I just hear her right? No.. There was no way. That’s what Brother Matthias might have said, not her.
"I'm glad you still see us like we really are" her words came back to my mind.
I really couldn’t believe that the people that grew us were all like that. I couldn't believe that was like tha-
Another blow knocked me out for a few seconds, interrupting the stream of my thoughts. My ears were being clogged by the blood flowing inside them, but I could hear them clearly: they were laughing at me.
The thought of hitting them back crossed my mind a couple of times, but I knew I wasn’t strong enough. Then, when I was about to give up, they stopped.
?Boring.. Let him fight back.? Said the calm kid. The other two dropped me to the ground instantly.
I looked around, moving my head as fast as the pain would let me: she was still there, unmoving, emotionless; she was watching us, like we were her little gladiators.
I turned my gaze to the two kids that had been beating me up: they grew quiet, serious. The calm kid threw a bad look at them, then looked at me.
?Get up.? He ordered, not minding the presence of our spectator.
I coughed, then brushed the blood off my cheek with my sleeve.
?I said, get up.? He repeated. ?If you manage to land a punch on one of them, you can go.?
I looked at him with rage: I knew nothing about him , so his offer held no value for me; however, I felt like that was my only shot.
I got up, tightened my fists, and glared at the other two: one hit was all I needed.
?Yeah, that's good.? Said the calm kid, going back to sitting on his imaginary throne.
?Can I go first?? One of the other two looked at the other, with a smug smile.
The other just pointed at me with open hand, signaling he could go first.
I prepared myself mentally: never had I ever thought I would need to fight for my freedom. Yet, there was I: one punch was the price for stopping my suffering.
?Don’t bite your tongue? He mocked me.
I started moving instinctively, like I had fought in the past.
One punch to the stomach: blocked. One kick to the leg: avoided. Then another punch on the face: hit.
I fell on the grass, spitting blood from my mouth.
Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate was all I could think about: I hated the person in front of me for hitting me, and I hated Sister Melody, who was still looking at us without intervening; I hated this place I was trapped in, and I resented the church for what it had been teaching to us.
Then, a thought whispered in my mind:
?Dodge left and punch upwards.?
It was like I was reading instructions, almost as if my instincts were telling me what to do. I did as it said, and landed a punch on my opponent's jaw.
That blow, however, was far too weak; all I could tell from that point on, was that I hadn’t won. Then, another blow straight to my face, and my mind went blank.
The metallic taste of blood, the feeling of wet grass beneath my body and that low, annoying whistle in my ears.. All gone, in an instant.
It felt like I was floating into nothingness. No cold, nor warmth, yet I felt my body boiling from the inside.
I was weak. Weak and pathetic.
I hated it. I hated myself for being so useless.
Was this the struggle of those that went off the path God had chosen? "A painful, pitiful existence"... it surely seemed like it.
Extortion, violence... did God really want for us to follow the law of the strongest?
No. Not my God. Not the God that Sister Melody prea-
Right... That her God. It always had been.
She was glad "I still saw them like they were", huh? Such a joke...
They had lied to me, right under my nose, and I still couldn't put the pieces together.
Even when the new prayers involved slaughter, theft and murder I couldn't bring myself to think badly of them.
But now... now I could see it very clearly. And it was all thanks to that woman staring down at me like I was her jester.
And it wasn't just her: Brother Matthias, Sister Judy, and probably all of them were like that.
Max was right: something bad was going on at the orphanage.
...Now what?
If my home wasn't safe, what else was there?
A weird sense of void filled my stomach, almost like it was collapsing on itself.
The orphanage wasn't place for me anymore.
They said that, at the end of our formation, we would be able to choose to leave. Was I supposed to wait until then?
Had they even told us when this formation was going to end?
If I was going away, I wasn't going alone. I needed Leo with me.
"I will take care of it", or something like that. Those were the words he had told me.
He knew about this. He knew and had decided to leave me out of it.
Why? Couldn't he trust me?
Why was he always taking all of the weight on his shoulders? We were friends! Brothers!
My hands started tingling.
I couldn't rely on him again. I needed to do my part, or I'd have stayed the same.
This time, I wasn't going to allow him to take it on by himself.
The tingling sensation took over the rest of my body.
I didn't like it: it felt like a swarm of microscopical creatures biting me everywhere.
God... everything hurted. was my head about to split in half?
Was my body temperature raising? It felt like everything was starting to burn...
Ouch! It wasn't burning! It felt like a hammer hitting me!
The pungent smell of sanitizer hit my nostrils, waking me up for good.
