The three trapdoors yawned open, sand spilling off their rims. Each bore a glowing rune carved deep into the stone:

  One swirled with jagged cracks of earth.

  One shimmered with a pulsing glow of fire.

  One whispered faintly, the air around it rippling like heat haze: air.

  “Elementals,” someone muttered. None of them claimed it, but all three nodded grimly, as if they’d spoken in chorus.

  They gathered around the trapdoors, sweat dripping, arguing in the heat.

  “Earth’s the worst,” Harlada said, folding her arms. “Buried alive, crushed under rocks. Instant death.”

  “Wrong,” Bert countered. “Fire’s worse. You don’t even get crushed. You just roast like a chicken. At least rocks kill fast.”

  “Incorrect,” Leo said sharply. “Air is statistically most lethal. Suffocation, disorientation, lack of oxygen. It is the silent killer.”

  They glared at one another.

  “So which one’s least bad?” Harlada demanded.

  “Air,” Leo insisted.

  “Earth,” Bert argued.

  “Fire,” Harlada snapped.

  They groaned in unison.

  The dungeon crystal finally pulsed overhead, text glowing smugly across the blue sky:

  Reminder: Only one path grants progression. Choose Wisely.

  The trapdoors pulsed once, waiting.

  ***

  They stared down at the trapdoors. Symbols pulsed smugly: earth, fire, air.

  “Fine,” Harlada said, sparks twitching from her fingertips. “We vote. Majority wins.”

  They stuck out their hands.

  “Air,” Leo declared immediately.

  “Fire,” Harlada countered.

  “Earth,” Bert grinned, flexing like the rune would care.

  The crystal pulsed once.

  Vote Recorded: Earth – 2. Fire – 1. Air – 1.

  Leo froze, adjusting his glasses. “Wait. That is mathematically impossible. There are only three of us.”

  “Maybe the dungeon voted,” Bert offered helpfully.

  Harlada scowled. “Or one of us is lying.”

  “Incorrect!” Leo snapped. “I tracked every choice. One fire. One air. One earth. Yet somehow—”

  The crystal pulsed again, smug text scrolling across the sky:

  Second Vote Initiated.

  They groaned, raised their hands again.

  “Air,” Leo repeated, jaw tight.

  “Fire,” Harlada said stubbornly.

  “Earth,” Bert grinned, louder than before.

  The crystal pulsed cheerfully:

  Vote Recorded: Earth – 2. Fire – 1. Air – 1.

  Leo’s notebook shook in his hands. “Again! Impossible! Probability zero! This dungeon is rigged!”

  The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

  Bert cracked his knuckles, stepping closer. “Or maybe you’re just not voting right. C’mon, professor. Be a team player. Say ‘earth.’”

  “I refuse,” Leo hissed. “Statistically I am correct.”

  “Statistically you’re annoying,” Bert growled. He loomed closer, shadow falling across Leo.

  Leo gulped. Harlada smirked. “Well, professor?”

  The crystal pulsed, waiting.

  Finally, with trembling dignity, Leo muttered, “…Earth.”

  The dungeon flashed text like fireworks:

  Consensus Achieved. Path Selected: Earth. Progression Recorded. Idiots.

  The earth-marked trapdoor yawned open, blackness spilling out like hungry soil.

  ***

  The earth-marked trapdoor groaned wide. They dropped through in a puff of sand and landed hard on stone.

  The chamber stretched like a quarry, walls cracked and jagged. Dust drifted from the ceiling. Three hulking shapes rumbled out of the gloom — bodies of boulders, fists of granite, eyes glowing like molten seams.

  The dungeon crystal pulsed smugly:

  Encounter Initiated: Earth Elementals (3). Difficulty: Nominal. Attempts: Pending.

  The first boulder-fist hurled a rock the size of Bert’s torso.

  He didn’t dodge. He grinned, spread his arms wide, and let the stone slam straight into his chest. It should’ve flattened him. Instead, his HUD blinked:

  Skill Activated: Dodge.

  The boulder ricocheted off his ribs, spun neatly in his hands, and Bert hurled it back with a roar. It cracked the elemental square in the face. Pebbles exploded.

  Leo blinked. “You… dodged by catching it?”

  “Exactly,” Bert said proudly. “That’s how dodging works.”

  Harlada groaned. “That’s how dying works!”

  Another boulder whistled past. Bert snatched it midair, spun, and flung it into the second elemental’s chest. The creature staggered, chunks of rock flying.

  “See?” Bert crowed. “Best dodger in the dungeon!”

  Harlada fired sparks into a crack, splitting the second elemental apart. Leo webbed the third’s legs, holding it still long enough for Bert to fastball another rock straight through its torso.

  Moments later, all three collapsed into rubble, dust hissing away into mist.

  The crystal pulsed, sulky this time:

  Encounter Cleared. Attempts: 5. Achievement Unlocked: Dodge ball. Reward: None.

  Bert flexed, bruises blossoming across his chest. “Told you. Untouchable.”

  “Statistically suicidal,” Leo muttered.

  Harlada pinched the bridge of her nose. “At least it worked.”

  A pedestal rose from the rubble, glowing faintly. On it sat a small pouch jingling with coins, and a single dull gem pulsing with earthy light.

  ***

  The pedestal’s gem pulsed brighter, cracks of green light spidering across its surface. Then, with a sharp chime, it split into three streams of light.

  Each darted into their chests.

  HUDs blinked in unison:

  +1 Constitution. +1 Strength. Party Bonus Applied.

  Warmth surged through their limbs. Bert flexed, muscles bulging even more obscenely than before. “Yes! Finally! Bigger muscles for everyone!”

  Harlada rolled her shoulders, eyes widening as bruises faded. “Huh. I actually feel… sturdy.”

  Leo adjusted his cracked glasses, noting how his quill no longer trembled quite so much. “…Statistically, survivability increased by at least seventeen percent.” He paused, frowning. “But where is the equipment?”

  They all turned to the pedestal. It sat empty, smugly glowing with nothing but dust.

  The crystal pulsed smugly overhead:

  Balance Update: Equipment rewards skipped to keep levels surprising. Don’t get comfortable.

  Leo blinked, quill hovering mid-page. “…Wait. Did the dungeon forget to generate the item and cover it with ‘surprise’?”

  Harlada groaned. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

  Bert jabbed a finger at the sky. “Hey! We want loot!”

  The crystal pulsed again, text dripping with sarcasm:

  Surprise. No loot.

  Bert stomped his boots furiously. “Worst surprise ever.”

  Leo sighed, scribbling furiously into his notebook. “Correction: statistically indistinguishable from negligence.”

  The chamber rumbled, sand trickling down from above. Three new trapdoors slid into view, their runes still dim.

  The dungeon pulsed cheerfully:

  Progression Available. Attempts: Pending.