“You have pLUMBING YOOooO!”

  She giggled as she turned on the faucet. A stream of water came out. She felt humidity, and not tears, crawl at the bottom of her eyes and she giggled again from the sensation of putting her hand beneath that gushing water. Her sleeve was now wet, and it was glorious and refreshing, as it should be.

  She wasn’t sobbing. She was weeping out of joy.

  “I’ve never been so happy, oh gods oh chthulu, oh, saint dark sasuke of the 69, this is amazing”, she continued.

  She pushed the lever open, seeing water come out of the faucet, only for the stream to stop when she turned back the lever. She did it again. And again. And again.

  “…Uhm, Vic”, Vic heard, distantly, “can we go? We’ve been waiting for a while.”

  “Bah”, she replied, “It’s only been a little less than a year.”

  She turned the public faucet on and off again.

  “…You’ve still been at it for five minutes.”

  “Exactly, it’ll still be less than a year even if I take my time”, Vic replied.

  “…Please”, Vic heard someone say in a quiet voice.

  Vic sighed, and uncurled herself back up. She dusted her legs, because they still needed to be dusted from all the time she’d spent in the Wastes. That dust really weaselled itself everywhere.

  “Fiiiiine”, Vic said, looking back at Ivy, who looked awkward as other students passed by while glancing at them both. One group who’d passed by had snickered when she’d discovered and used the faucet, but showing a total lack of care about it was kind of the point. Meanwhile, her guide was worriedly rubbing her arm.

  Honestly… all those groups, all of that judgement, it didn’t matter. It’s not like she was going to stay longer than a few days. Probably two at best. Then she’d leave, and the Cursedblood Emperor would be soooo salty that all his schemes and pathetic manipulation attempts were all a profound waste of his time. Honestly, she was just ensuring it by putting herself through so much potential embarrassment if she actually stayed.

  Vic smiled a little while Ivy remained unaware.

  “We really shouldn’t take any longer. The queue to the cantina is going to be very long”, Ivy said.

  Vic’s eyes widened.

  “Wait, why didn’t you say that before?”, she asked. Ivy blinked at her, and seemed to be about to answer in an unhappy way, so she just put herself in shadow armour, grabbed Ivy, put her above her head, and started running.

  “LETS GOOOO, NO TIME TO WASTE!”

  Ivy made a tiny sad awkward noise while she made a good enough imitation of a fluttering flag while Vic ran with her.

  “…The other way”, she thought she’d heard from Ivy.

  Vic came to a screeching halt, her shadow-armoured feet making scratching marks on the ground.

  “Huh?” she said. Ivy repeated herself, but clearer this time.

  “…You’re walking the wrong way”, Ivy said.

  “Oh”, Vic said back.

  She faltered a little, ignoring any sort of students or any sound they were making with their useless little mouths, really.

  Vic held Ivy up beneath her arm and scratched her head.

  “My bad”, she said, before turning back.

  She started running away.

  A tall, imposing bipedal rune construct appeared right around the corner, blaring something about not running in the halls and detention.

  Vic bitchslapped it distractedly into the wall and kept running. Food awaited.

  __

  Vic gulped down as she stared at her food tray.

  Holy shit, the food was so much fancier and nicer than it’d been at her own highschool. Like, from about an infinite amount. Even the mush here actually smelt of toasty potatoes here instead of some grey vaguely milk smelling nutritious ooze.

  “Uh, Vic, on your right”, Ivy said.

  Vic’s head tilted further sideways while holding her food tray in the opposite direction to keep following her guide. It was a tiny bit hard because she’d taken a ridiculous pile of food to try out a little of everything at the buffet. When the attendant there had immediately ordered her not to do that and demanded to see her student pass, she’d simply answered that she should “go ask Alberon about it”, which had shut him up nicely, especially once she’d ignored him again while serving herself and seen another student supervisor go talk to him right before he tried putting a hand on her shoulder.

  They’d both gone away and talked while warily looking at her. Yeah, you take that. He should know that he should be ready for this sort of behaviour from “godly” asshats because he submitted himself to the “might makes right” ideology by following his god in the first place. Tsk. Maybe that’d start making him think twice about blindly following orders when it implied bootlicking people who obviously shouldn’t be bootlicked.

  “…Vic?” she heard from Ivy.

  “Oh sure, sorry, yeah I’m following!” she said, from behind her pile of food. It was all in a fragile sort of equilibrium. No matter. It was all going to end up in her stomach. Nothing would be left but her fulfilled and filled tummy, heheh. Maybe some bits would end up in her inventory, who knew.

  “Right on the left”, Ivy said. She might be pointing at a table. Vic simply moved while keeping her swinging food balanced on top of one another. She put the food tray down, and now with free hands and a slightly free view, she came to the realisation that she indeed was sat at the table Ivy had been pointing at. One of the seats was taken by Ivy, three other spots were free, and at the last one was a dark elf. He looked young, younger than them both at least. She hadn’t taken a good look at him because he was smaller than her pile of food that was right in front of him.

  “H-hi Ivy! Who’s that?”

  “Hi, this is Vic. She’s… a new student here”, Ivy said. “I think. Vic, this is… Tavius.”

  “Sup”, Vic said, confidently and relaxed, “are we missing someone or will that be just us three?”

  Tavius began coughing like he’d just swallowed something not right.

  “…Just us”, Ivy said. Vic hummed, and started putting her plates around the rest of the table. That way, no one else would sit, since there was no room. Honestly, she hoped there wasn’t that same rule than the one at her previous highschool where students had to pile two trays together while also piling their respective plates and glasses and leftover food, before giving it back to be more easily cleaned.

  In school, there’d been so many times where social butterflies just left her their gross, dirtied tray like she was only good for cleaning because “she was still eating” and “they’d finished” and she was eating alone with no one in front of her and thus “needed an extra tray from someone else, of course”. Stupid fucking good for nothing school rule. Probably to promote “teamwork”, only to just make her be the legitimate, rightful servant of whoever first put their tray before her, whether she wanted it or not.

  She was going to slam the tray back in someone’s face if some stupid fuck was stupid enough to try that on her now.

  She angrily finished putting down her plates, and finished with a smile, because honestly, wow damn, that was quite the beautiful feast!

  “Are you… okay, Tavius?” Ivy asked. He’d finished coughing a little moment ago.

  Now that the pile of food was gone, she could look at his face. He seemed a little shaken. He was looking straight ahead of him, right at Ivy. His hands were tightly clenching on his silverware.

  He seemed very awkward because he didn’t speak at all. He was staring straight at Ivy, making jittery eye motions at her. Vic frowned. Was the little guy okay?

  Ivy was frowning too. Tavius had just hit her underneath the table with his foot. Vic didn’t comment on it and pretended she didn’t notice.

  “Sooo, what’s up with your age? You seem young, Tavius. Did you jump classes or something? Is that how you got to know Ivy?” she said, to smalltalk, while taking a forkful of some juicy looking meats.

  Tavius still was intensely looking straight at Ivy.

  “…Yeah, he did, but just for his specialisation”, Ivy answered, before hesitantly looking at Vic. “He’s very good at Illusion magic! Probably the best there is”, she continued, smiling a little. “It’s not a very popular course, because that type of magic doesn’t have public jobs in that specialisation once you graduate, and there’s limited spots, and it’s not very attended for the ones that just want the extra credit because of how hard it is, but honestly, Tavius’s brilliant at it.”

  Tavius gulped down. Vic slurped down some noodle looking things, and huh. Pretty nice seasoning. Damn. The students were well-fed. She was jealous that they’d gotten to eat this for the past year and a half.

  “Heh, I could check your talent too if you want”, Vic said. She was a bit curious now at how high Tavius would be graded.

  “…Don’t do that”, Ivy said, glancing at Tavius. “She’ll ask a favour in exchange.”

  “Hey! I just did it once in my life!” Vic said. “That was the first time ever I did that!” She stared back at Tavius. He was so still, and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  “…Sure”, Ivy said, a bit awkward.

  Vic stared behind Ivy to try to check if Tavius wasn’t looking at someone looking at them, like a bully, or a teacher, although both of those things were kind of the same.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  There was no one doing that, though, so she turned back, wolfing down some baked looking stuffs that had golden, crispy skin.

  “Hey, is he embarrassed because I made us both skip the line?” Vic asked. Ivy had been embarrassed about it, for starters. Vic had pulled people back from before her with a smile, saying just “It’s only for today, don’t worry, don’t worry, I’m not staying in your stupid tight up school” and had even proved her brave alpha wolf strength by allowing a student to attempt pulling her back, only to be dragged along until they released her. Unstoppable, tranquil force, meet hormonal meat sacks. Her victory had been assured. No matter.

  She tilted her head at Tavius when none of the two students answered.

  Vic frowned.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” None of the two of them were moving.

  Hm. Nor breathing. Ight. Unnatural much.

  Vic stared, feeling a bit blasé, for a few seconds, and she sighed jadedly while shaking her head.

  She moved forwards by shoving her full body on the table, and the illusion was broken, or rather, she’d entered the zone where the illusion wasn’t projected.

  Tavius, who’d been mid-sentence, fell back from his seat as she continued her unstopping motion and neared too close to him.

  Vic stared.

  Now, what, was going on?

  Ivy looked confused.

  But she didn’t speak up. Augh. Now she was feeling left out. She grabbed a vegetarian grilled skewer and in one swoop movement, removed all the impaled vegetables with her mouth, keeping them inside her cheeks like a squirrel.

  With her mouth full, while chewing, that’s when she decided to speak, crouching on top of the table.

  “Now now, what’ch going on?” she asked gently. “Need shome help?”

  Tavius was still down where he’d crashed. But he was finally looking at her. He was breathing fast.

  “You’re”, he said, teary-eyed, “How are you here? You’re- are-”, he continued.

  Vic jadedly chewed.

  She waited for him to finish his sentence.

  “You’re that sorceress that”, he said, still struggling with it. Vic frowned. Sorceress? Wait. As in, “dark sorceress of dark designs?”

  “That- that-” he hadn’t finished.

  “Wait”, she frowned. He knew? “Where did you see me?”

  She glanced at Ivy. Shit. She was going to know. Damn. Her cover had lasted as long as churros would if they ever fell on her lap. Honestly it was a bit longer than she’d expected it to.

  “…th-the Academic Hall.” Tavius brought his hands to his opposite arms, crossing them while holding himself.

  “The spell contest” Vic said. Tavius nodded while gulping down.

  Ivy was now frowning.

  “Wait, what’s going on?” Ivy said. “You also were there when that enslaved heretic tried to kill everyone in the Academic Hall?”

  What?!

  “I didn’t try to kill anyone! If I did, no one would have survived, for fuck’s sake!”, she said.

  Both Tavius and Ivy stared at her, looking very blank.

  Now Ivy was paling.

  “Wh-what”, Ivy said, while Tavius was making another quick hand gesture to make a spell.

  “No-, wait-wait wait, this is not what you think it is”, Vic said. Holy shit. “You don’t know everything!”

  She was painting herself as the aggressor. Fuck. FUCK. She wasn’t a pathetic school shooter for fuck’s sake!

  “You STOP THAT”, she said at Tavius, and his hand immediately retracted, breaking off his attempt at a spell. “Listen, listen, the version of the story you have, is really not complete. You’ve got it all wrong. I didn’t try to kill people. I really didn’t. I really did EVERYTHING I could not to do that.”

  Ivy wasn’t moving.

  “...s that the… the mindcontrol?” Ivy said. She hadn’t touched her plate. “…heard a rumour from the barracks that the attacker was…mindcontrolled” Her words died off on their own.

  “Listen, listen, it’s not… Hey, Tavius! If you were at the spell hall! I wasn’t the one that started fighting, right? I wasn’t the attacker! You saw that! Tell her!”

  Tavius gulped.

  “I… I don’t know, I… I wasn’t looking when the fight had already started”, he said.

  Vic pulled down on her cheeks. That couldn’t be. The actual witness of this case wasn’t witnessing right.

  “I DIDN’T START IT”, she said calmly.

  “…maybe not at the Academic Hall”, Ivy replied quietly, like she was speaking as gently as possible to some sort of rabid dog, “but… maybe you started it when you tried attacking Emperor Alberon in the streets before that?”

  Vic gaped.

  “I DIDN’T ATTACK HIM EITHER”, she said. “I crashed into him. Accidentally. I did. That’s when the chase began.”

  Ivy was frowning, like she was still trying to make sense of things.

  “But why would you attempt doing the Novel Spell Contest if you were being pursued by our God’s forces?”

  Vic blinked.

  “That- listen, I… I didn’t know I was being pursued at first”.

  Ivy gulped.

  “Vic… listen… is there something you’re not telling us? Things aren’t making sense from your… perspective. Why would Emperor Alberon not neutralize you as soon as you… crashed into him in public?”

  What was this? Gaslighting 2.0??

  “I don’t know?? He just had low reaction time?? Skill issue?? Couldn’t catch me in the first place because I’m so good at evading problems like him? Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have been so slow to react. Maybe he shouldn’t have failed to catch up with his brittle bony legs. I didn’t even run that fast in full shadow armour. That old man’s brain’s half full of dementia, while the other half is just filled with egocentric self-centred self-smooching rot soup.”

  Both Ivy and Tavius gaped.

  Vic noisily breathed out. FOR FUCK’s SAKE. They couldn’t really believe that he was a god, right? Right?? “Blaspheming” about him in public couldn’t make every citizen here bluescreen, right?? Fucking shit. At least she now knew of a new type of stunt attack to use in this blasted city.

  A beardless adult in fancy clothes suddenly plopped his head through the bubble of the illusion spell.

  “Students, your passes, please, and oh! What a mess!”, Vic heard, and she slowly turned her head towards the intruder, “Stop right this instant this magic display outside classes and c-”

  “OH FUCK OFF”, Vic said. “We’re in the middle of something important!”

  The adult that probably was an attendant or overseer just gaped at her, too shocked to reply.

  “Fuck, off, you goon”, she said at him. He was blinking stupidly. That wasn’t any of the two guys who’d spoken before. This goon didn’t know better. Well, now she just had to promptly do her best impression of being a teacher. She loved educating the uneducated masses for sure.

  “Young lady!” he said aggressively, trying to embody authority. It pathetically failed, although Tavius and Ivy were now reaching unprecedented levels of discomposure. “To the Dean, right this instant!”

  “No you. I won’t repeat myself”, Vic said, venomously. “Know your place and fuck off. You’re interrupting.”

  Her shadow armour abruptly appeared and she made dark sparkles burst inside their layers.

  The goon abruptly paled.

  She put a hand over his collar and pulled it.

  “Go ask Bumpster man about it, or whoever you blindly obey, puny fucker. Leave. I’m about to bitchslap you through the window if you stay in my face one more minute. Only fitting that you get interrupted for not knowing when not to interrupt, you blasted fucking mortal.”

  She released him and saw him slump a little.

  “Actually, you have three seconds”.

  The man was staring at her, owlishly. He didn’t look well.

  “Three.” she said. The guy blinked. “Two.” Vic said. This guy was a slow learner.

  When she said “one”, and raised her arm way above her head to have some momentum to slap him where a pane of glass should be, the guy jerked away and fell back.

  She sighed once he was gone out of the blurry edge of the bubble illusion.

  “Eh, good riddance. How slow”, she said, and looked back at Ivy and Tavius. She was about to pleasantly smile but saw their faces.

  It was a mix of awe and shock.

  Fuck. Back to damage control.

  “Listen, it’s… just, I’m tired of having all those constant pathetic attempts at controlling me, okay? There was the puppet god or the Empty Cave as you call it who I fucking blasted back into its hole, which obviously nobody has been made aware of, because your city leaders love propaganda more than their mothers, there was fucking- uhm, ahem, Milooooord Alberon recently, and there’s so many fuckers who keep trying to have me behave in some ways. I’m just tired, alright? I’m usually less violent. I’m only prone to violence when doing self-defence.”

  Ivy gulped. It was a bit too loud.

  “Self-defence”, she said.

  Vic frowned, but smiled.

  “Yeah. Self-defence”, she said. “That’s what happened with the fight where I got called a “dark sorcereress of dark designs”. I swear, by all the gods, especially those that don’t matter, haha, that I didn’t attack the city.”

  “Not out of your own will”, Ivy said, and Vic was about to frown and correct her, but Ivy spoke too fast. “Only when you were forced to by Emperor Alberon.”

  Vic snapped her fingers while fingergunning at Ivy.

  “Exactly! Which is why I’m actually left in peace, meandering here, with his blessing, really, because he wanted me to come here.”

  By using reverse-psychology, but she honestly think this wasn’t the time to explain this.

  “So you’re… fine”, Tavius said. Finally, speaking some sense. “Not mind-controlled.”

  “Yeah! No one can actually mind-control me. I’m a pretty fine human teen! For sure. I’m fine. In good health, currently getting my mana back up, enjoying some food and some nice plumbing, and oh, do you have actual toilets? To poop and pee in?”

  She’d actually daydreamed a few times to poop on a proper toilet.

  Tavius let out a nervous chuckle that resembled a lot a popped pressured balloon.

  Ivy seemed a bit at a loss.

  “…Latrines?” she tried. Vic frowned back.

  “…Do you… have places where a gush of water redirects your poop down the sewers?” she asked.

  “Yeah…?” she said. Ivy looked confused. “School has it, although not every house does. Most public establishments have it”, she said.

  Huh.

  That were some bonus points for this city. There were so few reasons to stay in it, at least this wretched place had a very few amount of proper modern services.

  “Wait, wait, wait”, Tavius said, a bit breathless. “Before we talk poop and latrines, please, can we… just finish up on the… on the previous subject?”

  Vic gulped down.

  “What’s there to finish? Honestly, the “official” version will probably come out in a few days”, she said, jadedly batting her hand in the air. “Something something about me being manipulated by a deity, something something lies lies lies, then a veiled truth, and a whole lot of yapping.”

  Tavius gulped down. He looked crushed.

  “…Alright.” he said.

  “The truth’s going to come out in a few days?” Ivy asked.

  Vic sighed. This was so long to explain. A little lie didn’t matter. She wouldn’t be there in a few days anyway.

  “Yes. Yes. They eventually have to state some news, don’t they? They’re predictable like that. Anyway. The point is yes.” she said, mechanically, “I’m not a danger.” She rolled her eyes. “Not for you, anyway.”

  Ivy gulped some more down. She didn’t seem to be aware that Vic spotted it every time she did it.

  Tavius and Ivy were meeting each other’s gazes. Vic felt a bit left out.

  Ivy seemed to realise it, because after gulping down some more, she looked at her.

  “…Well… now that I think about it… it’s true that Principal Lunbumster said that… Emperor Alberon sponsored you to get you in class…” she said. Vic gulped internally. Screw that guy.

  “He did…?” Tavius said. He seemed suddenly relieved.

  “Please, just tell me you don’t worship the little wrinkled guy”, she said, face in hands. She felt devastated.

  “…Only…” Ivy said, hesitantly. “Only the required amount”, she said, and tried to smile at her. “He’s saved and welcomed many people while keeping them safe from the evils of the outside.”

  Tavius then nodded energetically. He thought the same.

  “…Fine…” Vic said. Whatever. She didn’t really care.

  A long, awkward silence then began.

  Awkward munching was the only thing to make a noise for a while.

  Tavius was the one to interrupt it for once.

  “…So… before you arrived, what had you so… worried?” Tavius asked to Ivy. Oh. Of course. The two of them had to be close enough friends. Not that she wanted to be considered one by them. Yeah, she was intruding. She was seeing it now. The awkwardness. Because of her.

  Ivy chuckled, and she hid her mouth with her hand.

  “It’s… well… uhm…” she sideglanced Vic. Which was a little bit unpleasant. “Well, Vic here has the ability to know what your hidden magical strengths are.”

  “Not just the magical strengths, mostly everything that matters”, Vic said, seemingly disinterested, ignoring the aghast expression on Tavius’s face, while picking some more on the many plates beneath her. She picked some seashell looking things that looked like crustaceans right next to her left foot on the table. Hm, they were quite fine food too.

  “Thing is… apparently I’m great at plant magic”, Ivy said. Vic continued listening while pretending not to care. “And… by all logic, I should just… change courses. But… I don’t know. I really don’t”.

  Vic frowned. She looked back at Ivy.

  “Why’s that? Shouldn’t you go to the plant course? You’d be a prodigy or something”, she said, while chewing. “Just like Tavius. You’re birds of a feather, really.”

  Tavius squirmed a little. Ivy didn’t reply.

  “…The agricultural paths are kind of looked down on by proper city mages once out of graduation”, Tavius explained. “You don’t get… significant positions that can raise up afterwards. You’d probably have a stable job… but… still… When you’ve got magic in your blood… Ending up in the fields… although it’s good for the crops… and for the people of course, it is kind of…”

  “I guess my fathers would be a little disappointed? They really didn’t want me to go for the agricultural job…”

  Vic blinked.

  “Wait, fathers?” Vic asked.

  Ivy looked even more awkward. She spoke more quietly.

  “Yeah, both my dad and papa wanted a kid… and they’re both elves, so… yeah. I’m partially magically made.”

  Oooooh. That was kinda cool.

  “Huh! So that explains it”, Vic said. “I guess.”

  She saw Ivy stare at her. Better explain it, she wasn’t that much of a prick.

  “You basically had some statuses that… well, showed that you had some… like… had some qualifications that usually only monsters have? If you were made through magic that is, maybe, uhm, well, actually I don’t really know. I guess it might explain why you’re seen as special.”

  “Oh”, Ivy said, coolly sipping her drink. “Oh, cool.”

  Wait, had she expected Vic to be homophobic?

  Should she ask?

  “I’m not homophobic”, Vic said. “I’m gay myself.”

  Ivy spewed out the water she’d been drinking.

  “I… Wow.” Ivy said. Even Tavius was coughing up again. “Well. Uhm.”

  “Why are you reacting like this?” Vic asked, half-chuckling.

  Tavius finished coughing.

  “I… I guess I didn’t… well, uhm we both probably didn’t expect a… human to be so open about it”, he said. “Here, uhm, elves are usually more open to it, but it’s… normal to be hush hush about it. For most people.”

  Ivy gulped down.

  “Yeah, my parents… before coming here, well… that was one of… the things they had to hide a little. It’s… tolerated, I guess. But they have to pretend not to be that… sort of close in public.”

  Vic stared.

  Wait, wait… Wait…

  Was Alberon…

  Was Alberon homophobic?