Journal 8

  Sol 225

  It was a windy night. We stared at the stars as we saw a meteor shower. It was beautiful. For the briefest of moments once again, I forgot I was on a desolate planet lost in space. I let my mind and dreams wander about like frolicking cattle. All the hopes, past memories, and feelings sprung forth like a quasar deep in the eons of the dark universe.

  Thoughts crept into my mind that I wish never came:

  What if we never get off this planet? Are even worth the effort to find? We are both space fighters and accomplished pilots. Yet are we even worth the effort for our governments and civilizations to care? Have done enough to be saved? Are we even worth saving? What good have we done in this intergalactic war?

  I have fought on 3 human colony worlds and conquered all of them with impunity and prejudice. I earned the rank of Captain through merit. I commanded a squadron specialized in hunting down human space fighters. I killed them by hundreds. Slaughtered them. Yelled at them. Cursed them. Filleted them. Beat them. Cried because of them. I still hear their cries of mercy or pain or defiance. They are my enemy.

  And yet...

  Yet, my only friend in this entire universe and world is a human.

  What is the point of this war? With time dilation we should be forgotten. A construct of old. I can only assume the space freighters and weaponry have changed drastically. Are the ones I know dead and long gone? Is my world and species long dead? Are the humans long dead? Did a peace treaty get settled? Did one side win? Was there a third party that wiped both of us out?

  I no longer know or care for this war. It's like I said to James a while back, "I just wanted to see the stars."

  I guess both of us thought that.

  I looked over at James noting his emaciated body and overgrown hair. He still clung to his picture of his family. He liked to pretend that he was not constantly thinking of them in front of me. I found this odd, yet understandable. I knew he wrote to them everyday. He refuses to acknowledge this, but I don't blame him for it. I would feel the same.

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  I have no letters or logs for Cora. The only thing I saw of note of him recently was him spending a long time at the transponder as he typed away on his work rectangle. He didn't tell me what he was doing for 3 hours. All he said was that he was now sun-burnt and was cleaning up code. But it did feel as if he was communicating to something.

  I still wonder if he was. A surprise perhaps? I do not know.

  All I want for myself is for Cora to be mine once again. Make things official. Have kin and bring life in this universe. Travel the cosmos and see wonders everlasting.

  I can't help but think back on the first night we spent on this planet. I have never seen so many stars before in one night. I suppose being on a planet deep in the outer rim affords you this natural sight. We both looked up at the stars in awe and briefly forgetting what our situation was. We were no longer enemies. I was no longer a Thorg warrior. James was no longer a UNSC fighter pilot. We were just beings sharing a moment of peace and wonder together.

  I remember James was the first to speak and say, "It's beautiful."

  I nodded.

  "Ever see anything like this before?"

  I shook my head refusing to respond in words.

  "Yeah... Same here."

  I wanted to say something meaningful at that time, but I forced myself stop because I still saw him as an enemy. I ascertain James felt the same because he immediately stopped talking and scooting further away from me. We were both sitting on my ship.

  That moment and my feelings for Cora are the only things keeping me going for now. That and... How many Tenets have I broken this time?

  All of them when I say...

  James is also keeping me alive. For he is now...

  My best only friend that I...

  That I...

  Love dearly...

  By the gods...

  If this were to be found by my kind, then I would be skinned alive in public for heresy and treason. Shamed in life and death forever...

  But I am glad if it were to be that way. I at least know my convictions. I will face my maker and stand with pride.

  I will fight and die for James.