…But not for the reason you’re probably thinking. Just as that sickly sweet parody of the greatest creatures that ever walked this Earth was about to reduce my brain to whatever they made the mess hall’s meat loaf from, the lights flickered out. When they came back on, a khaki clad, bespectacled kid was standing in front of the T.V., grinning from ear to ear.

  “CHUNKY KID?!” I spat, my eyes bulging out of their sockets.

  “Shatner.” He corrected. “Mr. Tostig, I presume?”

  “What the heck are you doing here?!” I cried.

  “That would be your friend’s doing.”

  He stepped aside, revealing a familiar dark haired face.

  “Hi, Watterson.” She waved. “S-sorry I’m late.”

  Sparks flew as the wires in my brain started to short.

  “Buh- wha- HOW?!”

  “Your friend here told me you were in distress, so I decided to lend my assistance.” Explained the Chunky Ki- I mean Shatner.

  “You can see her?!”

  “Not quite.” He expositioned. (Because in his words, ‘Shatner Wildes does not simply explain’) “It’s more a faint noise in my ear, but I’m far too intelligent to be mad. So I knew whatever the source, it was genuine. And I have this.”

  He held out a weird little stone with a hole bored through the middle.

  “When I look through it, all that is unseen and wishes to be seen becomes clear.” Whatever that meant.

  By that point, my brain was finally starting to get up to speed, and I grunted against the ropes on my arms.

  “So are you guys gonna help or out or what?”

  Hilda stood there. Looking down and fiddling with her fingers, her mouth trying to form words. I don’t remember how long she did this for, but Shatner got tired of waiting.

  “Sorry, mate, but we can’t do that right now.”

  And for the second time that day, the metaphorical bluebird of happiness slammed into a window.

  “So you’re not going to help me out?” Something fierce roiled deep in my belly, creeping its way up my throat.

  Hilda stepped back, waving her hands in front of her face. “N-no, Watt! Of course not! What I mean is-!”

  “Are you KIDDING ME?!” I hollered, rocking back and forth. “First you bail on me at the pool, and now you can’t even help undo some friendship bracelets?!”

  “Watt just let me-!”

  “Shut up! After everything we’ve been through, all you do is make excuses and let me down! I can’t believe I was EVER stupid enough to let you be my friend! It’s your fault Ms. Hobag thinks I’m crazy, it’s your fault nobody likes me and it’s your fault DAD DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE WITH MOM ANYMORE!”

  I breathed-in, out, in, out-

  “Should I be here for this?” Inquired Shatner.

  The little light-bulb dangling above our heads flickered.

  This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Then the room was still, absolutely still.

  “Volunteer to take care of Freddie.” Hilda commanded.

  “Who the heck is Freddie?”

  “Tell Hobag you’re sorry and volunteer to look after Freddie. Trust me.”

  With that, the room plunged into darkness. When the light flickered back on, Shatner and Hilda were nowhere to be seen. Thankfully, the T.V. did not revert to that purple abomination, instead being a flurry of static.

  That’s around when Ms. Hobag opened the door.

  “So, how was the show?” She didn’t ask so much as demand.

  “Pretty cool.” I shrugged, shoving my rage back into my belly. “It… really made me think about what I did at the pool. And I just want to say I’m sorry. I messed up really bad but I want to make up for what I did.”

  “Wonderful!” she cheered. Clapping her hands together. “I’ll be sure to let your parents know in your progress report!”

  “And if it’s okay, could I look after Freddy?”

  Hobag paused, eyes widening in shock.

  “Y-you’d do that?” She sniffled, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

  And then the worst thing ever happened: she scooped me up into a hug.

  “I KNEW you were a good kid deep down! You are getting an extra big sticker for this one!”

  Ms. Hobag skipped down the hallway, dragging my now untied body by the arm, until we reached what looked like a supply closet. Inside were the usual suspects- mop, that yellow plastic wheel thing that holds the mop, several bottles that if they didn’t want me to drink them shouldn’t have been so brightly colored, petrified sponges-and at the center of it all, a table. I call it a table but it was more like a loose assembly of planks covered in pastel colored handprints and held together by krazy glue. On top of those planks was a wire cage. And in that cage was the most adorable tube of fuzz I ever did see.

  “This is Freddy?” I asked. Which was dumb, because

  “What do you mean?” asked Hobag.

  “Oh!” I blurted. “I, uh, just remember him being more… chipper, when I last saw him!”

  “I know.” sighed Hobag. “Every year I ask the kids if they want to take care of him, but none of them do. I’m worried its’ hurting his self-esteem.”

  “So can I take care of him or what?”

  Just like that, she was back to her cheerful self.

  And for the next ten minutes I learned much, much more about the intimate details of ferret husbandry than I ever cared to know. Only some of which still haunts me to this day.

  The next day, when I should have been banging my head against the tether-ball pole, I was doing the slightly more productive activity of pouring ferret kibble into a dish. Hobag was supposed to be there to supervise, but some kid had peed in the pool, so she had to dip for a moment.

  Freddy’s feeding situation was a bit weird. His cage was locked, and there was no key (that I knew of). So when I filled his bowl, I had to slip it in and out of a slot in the bottom of the cage. Come to think of it, there were a lot of weird rules about caring for the little fuzztube. For instance, I was not to move his cage from the table under any circumstances, and apparently he got nasty when exposed to too much sunlight. Besides a feeding bowl, the only other things in the cage were a water bottle (which I had to refill daily) taped to the side and a black plastic ball. I think the plastic ball was meant to be a toy, but I never actually saw Freddy play with it, Just stare at it and hiss.

  Anyway, that’s when I finally saw Hilda again, leaning against a wall, dark bangs under her eyes.

  “Okay,” I asked. “Who exactly is this guy, and how is he gonna help me?”

  Freddie, meanwhile, was snout deep in his kibble, noshing away.

  "Firstly, he's the camp mascot. You would have known this if you had paid attention on orientation day." Hilda inhaled deeply. “Second, I was going to call the larp geese, but just as I was about to head out, I heard this voice whispering in my head! And I followed it all the way here. Turns out, he’s not just some ordinary ferret. He’s a MAGIC FERRET, like in fairy tales!”

  “I don’t remember reading any fairy tale with a magic ferret.”

  “Point is,” She continued, “he can grant our greatest wish! All we’ve gotta do is make some offerings, say some dumb chants while wearing hoodies, and BAM! Camp Sham is OURS!”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Offerings?”

  Hilda nodded. “Yeah, just little things, like ketchup packets and lanyards and stuff. By offering them to him, we’ll show that we believe in him, and he’ll become more powerful! Kind of like how we give cookies to Santa Claus!”

  “Didn’t we stop leaving out cookies when Dad went on the Atkins diet?”

  Hilda sighed. “And doesn’t that coincide with us never getting that pet velociraptor for Christmas?”

  Frustrated as I was with her, I had to admit, Hilda’s logic was ironclad.

  But before she could continue, the door slammed open again, and who swaggered in but Shatner Wildes, a wood plank with a set of keys strapped to it jangling at his side.

  “Sorry I’m late, mates! Had to go to the bathroom before I arrived!” He added, showing off the big plank, which had the words ‘BATHROOM PASS’ written on it. “So what did I miss?”