The next few days, I was a bit more aware of what was happening, the joy of humanity was starting to wear off. So were the rose colored glasses. I got to meet everyone around here May, Rich, Will, Juno, and Ella, the kid I saw before.

  They've had me caring for animals and pushing the woods back everyday now. Even though Juno helps, it's not easy work.

  Juno and Ella, they're like me, just appearing here with very little in the way of memories. Ella was only out there for a day or two before ending up here. Juno was out there for almost two months, so was Rich. But neither of them found anything but woods, apparently. Will found this place and Rich and Juno showed up together but they've been fighting recently, Juno seems to like Will and May fine but he doesn't seem comfortable. Ella is really Will and Rich’s kid, their all she knows. But May’s sweets and tea parties certainly won her over, Juno even puts up with them as long as he's fed, I caught him getting his nails done once. Not that he'd admit to it.

  Life looked normal for a long time apparently, they didn't really have problems with those things until later.

  But the days moved pretty slowly, all things considered.

  Fresh snow one of the more magical things about life,

  Will and Ella were already playing outside, Juno not far behind.

  I slipped on some jeans and a wool sweater, something more fitting this time before going out to greet the morning.

  The fireplace was full and the world was calm.

  Simply going through the steeps of life again

  I began to prepare my plate.

  Eggs, green beans, bacon. Odd sure but I wasn't ever normal.

  The eggs were warm, smooth, soft,

  and the greens, heavenly and ornate,

  finding such a thing in this cold is worth salivating over.

  The bacon when it's sweet, and crispy on the edges, the soft flavors make such an organic pair with the eggs.

  Salted fats,

  And the caramelized sweet edges of pork, if I only had more chances like this

  A caramelized onion and Sweet Potatoes

  or brie and a ripe pear.

  Smoked salmon and cream cheese.

  Something soft and comforting.

  May glanced over to see me drooling over my food again.

  “Bug, can you check on the chickens before you eat all the eggs.” May calls, already lounging about having finished everything she had to get done today, long before I'd gotten up. With my thoughts broken and my stomach filled. I placed my dishes in the sink and make my way outside.

  “There you are, we were thinking you'd miss all the fun.” Will spoke slowly, that was really the only difference between him and Rich.

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  More of a realist that one, seems to have a level head.

  “Sorry.”

  “If only we all had her energy.” Juno was laying on his back in a half-hearted snow angle as Ella tried to coax him back up.

  I laughed a bit. It was quite the scene.

  Rich wanders over having finished his smoke break by now.

  “You gonna feed the chickens? I'm worried they're gonna start a coo.” He's smiling to himself. Will looks at him clearly amused.

  "Finally decided to join us.”

  “I wasn't far.” Rich doesn't notice the sass, or doesn't care, leaning in for a kiss.

  “How's the kids?” Rich puts his hand on my head, clearly trying to include me in the question.

  Will looks back over to Juno and Ella, Juno has somehow managed to end up face down in the snow as Ella is pulling on his arms with all her might.

  “Good, they're good.”

  “Clearly you've got things under control then.” He says sarcastically.

  I slowly back away as they start their banter again.

  The slow walk around back of the house and over the field found me the cold from the silver lock of the chicken coop digging its way into my bones,

  ratting them,

  The second the door opened, the little things jostled forward lunging lunching in that familiar way,

  the way birds do.

  the scaly, scalloped legs layered like armor,

  the glassy eyes,

  leavened feathers,

  chiseled beak. Clearly little determined soldiers waiting up on me. I don't think they'll ever understand that I'm the dominant species here.

  “Good morning little lady.” the chicken's soulless eyes stared through me.

  “Is your water dish frozen yet?” The chicken still didn't respond, but I'm sure if that was a yes, I'd be hearing about it.

  I put the feed bag back up on the shelf out of reach of the flock, back where old wood has started to splinter just a bit. Closing the door tight.

  I should talk to Will about sanding this down to be repainted.

  But the day's chores still held my attention with the chickens being distracted. I ducked down to pick up their eggs, luckily none was particularly upset by it today. The more skittish of the flock having pinned themselves to the wall waiting for me to get out of their way.

  Something about the way they looked at me was just so bitter.

  I wonder why only they seemed to survive out here, we have no need to secure the coop.

  No bears, foxes, or coyotes. I don't even know why they insist we lock it.

  Such animals have no humanity except in their eyes, even the other mammals don't have such human eyes. We really do have an agreement with them. I have no doubt they'd eat me too if they had the chance. If we gave them the chance…

  I'm lucky we don't keep pigs.

  I step back outside. I'm not all too keen on spending time with the boys at this moment, or the girls for the matter. The wind pulls the smell of pine down to me as I turn to greet it. Staring into such an empty abyss of everything.

  The abyssal containing all of life here to be everything and nothing all at once I wish to be that. I don't want to be so small. I don’t think I used to be?

  Oh?

  Is that what we think dear?

  Shame you aren't a deer anymore.

  You're too small to empty, they don't even see you anymore.

  And you? You don't go looking for them anymore,

  You wait,

  You stay

  Like a good little fawn.

  A part of you still kicks, still stands unmoving, frozen, watching what watches you.

  Still finding a way to hurt yourself.

  hurt others, trying to escape.

  Escape what? That feeling?

  A deer in the headlights, it matters not what road.

  As you would have learned the same in any life.

  It's a two way street.

  I can assure you any way you would have taken would have brought you here.

  Brought you to me.

  Keep following the road little ant.

  Sometimes.

  I really do think it watches me, like I watch it.

  I wonder what it sees in me?

  I wonder if it even sees me?

  IDK if that's good or not but they're full.