Nyx pulled her spacesuit out of the wash and looked at it. It no longer smelled like shunk and body odor, but it still looked like something someone pulled out of a recycler just before it melted the thing down. Patches. Stains. Seams she’d added to adjust it to her slight frame.

  “The air gauge was broken, so a bot fixed it,” Cai says as Nyx looks at the spacesuit with disdain.

  She glances longingly at the fabricator currently weaving her new spacesuit, “Can we be waitin’ for my new spacesuit to be gettin’ done?”

  Cai thinks for a moment, “We could… I mean, we’re not in a hurry, I guess. The outer liner has…” He checks his wrist computer, “ten more minutes. The inner liner already finished, and the metal fabricator finished your oxygen tank a while ago. Mostly waiting on the electronics fabricator for your wrist computer and suit controllers. That’ll be another three hours and change.”

  “Dum it…” Nyx puts her old suit on, “Let’s get goin’. Be gettin’ it done.”

  She wants to find clues to the friends she’d left here.

  Cai nods, “Good. I kinda want to get in there too. It’s like we’re going on a treasure hunt.”

  His smile catches her off guard. He’s always seemed so calm and collected, but now he seems enthusiastic.

  Nyx only feels a growing pit in her stomach as she puts her suit on. Each piece is a signal that she’s that much closer to returning to a place she’s tried to forget her whole life.

  Cai pushes off, “My suit is in my room. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  He leaves, and Nyx finds herself alone.

  She’s still not sure what to think of Cai, but she’s beginning to think she can trust him. She’s so used to everyone looking out for themselves, including herself, that she’s forgotten that there are people out there…

  Wrench. He’d cared. But he’d been in the same situation as her and worse. Yet he still cared. If it weren’t for him, she might have broken long ago.

  But what about Cai? She was only a burden to him. He had everything he needed and more. Maybe that’s why he could afford to. He didn’t need to worry about surviving every day. Or worry about his next meal.

  Yet he seemed so isolated. Wasn’t he lonely on this ship with no other humans or even a Felis like her? Maybe that’s why he brought her with him?

  He was selfish too and is only bringing her along for selfish reasons. It’s the only explanation she can think of.

  This somehow comforted her.

  Still, she needed to be careful. He might treat her nicely so she’d put her guard down. But then what? Get her to sleep with him? She knew men always had sex on their minds. Every day she’d be the butt of some crude joke, and they always talked about which woman they’d bed after every successful catch and release.

  Nyx wondered what Cai thought of her. She was just skin and bones, and she didn’t find herself attractive at all, and people often mistook her for a young boy. As she looked at her reflection on her spacesuit’s visor, she again remembered how much she despised her ears and tail. They were the reason she received so much hate. But they were also the reason the men stayed away from her.

  “Filthy Felis.” The sounds ring in her ears. “Don’t touch her. She’ll curse us with a waste of resources like…”

  She stops herself before she can remember the crude name they’d given Wrench.

  Nyx finished putting her spacesuit on and attached the helmet to her back. She also reaches for her toolkit and realizes it’s hooked above the washer. Cai had even put new tools in it.

  Why?

  She grabs it and fastens it around her waist.

  It’s comforting. This is how she’s supposed to be. In her spacesuit, with her tools at her waist. This way, she looks ready to work and able to make excuses for something to fix so she can go inside a maintenance shaft where no one will bother her.

  She glances at a panel on the wall leading into the Donati’s guts. She was useless here. The drones would fix things better and faster than she ever could.

  Would Cai get rid of her if she proved useless and decided he didn’t want to sleep with her?

  A part of her tells her he really might not care about that and that he wants to give her a new home. He certainly didn’t need her, and he had made no moves on her yet. But why? Why her? Why not someone else? There were prettier, curvier women. Other Never Dyin’.

  She was a Never Dyin’! She still couldn’t believe he had told her the truth. It had to be a lie. But what for? Did Cai already know, and that’s why he took her in? But then why hadn’t Trevor taken her in if they knew?

  She left the machine deck and found Cai already waiting on the plant deck.

  The smile when he sees her almost makes her doubts about him vanish. It felt really nice having someone appear happy when they see her, “Mya! Cai! Get us to that dum station!”

  She cringes inwardly.

  Cai doesn’t seem to mind, “Yes, Captain Nyx!”

  Nyx almost lets out a giggle at his comment.

  He used his wrist computer, and the hull clanged as it moved to close the windows on the Donati.

  It’s now that she noticed the bright red sphere of Barnard’s Star, burning large in the sky. The star around which her birthplace orbited.

  The jump is short, and over before the hull closes over the windows.

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Cai motions for her to follow, “We’re alone for now. I’m going to have the Donati monitor for other ships so we’ll know if anyone comes. But unless this secret lab has a working FTL emergency transponder we accidentally trigger, it’s just us.”

  Nyx follows him, “Ya sparkin’ sure it’s just us?”

  “No heat signatures or movement. And the station is in complete vacuum so it’s unlikely anyone is hiding inside since no one knows we are coming.”

  They head to the cargo deck, where the airlock is. Where she first met Cai.

  Nyx pauses at the cargo bay door and blurts out, “Why’d ya take a goddum thief like me in?”

  Cai pauses, “I thought I already told you. I’m lonely and wanted a new cute friend.”

  Nyx can tell he’s teasing her, but the way he calls her ‘cute’ doesn’t seem like it’s sarcastic, “I’m not goddum cute!”

  “If you say so.” He stops at the airlock, “To tell you the truth, it was a whim. I like Felis, you are cute, and… you looked like you’re a day of a missed meal away from dying. Am I an idiot for letting you stay? Probably. But this bleedin’ heart couldn’t just send you back. What would those pirates do to you if you’d gone back without anything? Or Trevor would have jailed you, which would probably be better than going back to the pirates if we’re being honest.”

  “Yer a sparkin’ idiot, Cai. What’cha thinkin’ I can help ya with? Yer drones fix dum everythin’. I don’t know none o’ that fancy telescope shunk. I’m not gonna be bein’ yer woman.”

  “You know that I don’t do much here either, right? Push buttons. Tell it where to go. But the Donati could explore on its own. We actually have autonomous ships like that. No crew needed and I do contact them regularly, but most of the time it’s just receiving data. Something that the Donati doesn’t need me for. I’m here ‘just in case.’ Most days I’m exercising, processing food, or using the full dive VR. It’s part of why the other two left.”

  “Than why don’cha leave?”

  “Because I want to be there when a discovery happens. A habitable world. The first signs of alien life. First contact. Or finding something unexpected. When I show you your first black hole with an accretion disc…”

  Nyx knew about black holes. Massive holes in space that nothing could escape from. ‘Felis, gonna toss ya into a black hole one o’ these days ‘cause it’s the only thing that’d take ya.’

  There’s a clang and a shudder as the Donati docks. They’d only used thrusters so hadn’t felt simulated gravity.

  Cai puts his helmet on, and Nyx does the same.

  Cai’s muffled voice comes through the speakers in her helmet, “Nyx. I won’t make you stay or force you to do anything. I can even let you fix things if that makes you feel useful. But you have plenty of time to think about what YOU want.”

  Nyx isn’t sure what to say. She still can’t believe that he’s being truthful, but she wants it to be true, “Cai… I… Goddum it! Let’s get lookin’.”

  They enter the airlock and both turn on their oxygen.

  Soon, the airlock depressurizes, and the door connected to the station opens.

  It’s a mess. Even the station’s door is gone, including all the surrounding electronics. Every light stripped. Even panels and the wires underneath.

  Cai turns on his headlamp, “Gonna be dark. We should also take a battery with us.” He opens a locker in the airlock and pulls out a battery pack, which he hands to Nyx, “Here.”

  Nyx takes it, then looks into the station, “Let’s get goin’!”

  She turns on her headlamp, and they head inside.

  “They really did gut it. A shame. Losing Barnard Station’s hydroponics was an enormous loss.”

  Nyx growls, and she feels her tail fluff as they enter the hallway to the habitat ring. This is where they find their first corpse. A dessicated husk floating slowly through the hallway.

  It’s a pirate judging by the mishmash of parts of the suit and its state of disrepair. It has a hole in the chest, and dried blood stains the surrounding fabric. The helmet, oxygen tank, and other valuable parts are missing.

  Cai moves past it, “Just ignore it. And… we’ll probably see more.” He looks at her, “Do you remember where to go from here?”

  Nyx shakes her head as she looks at Cai, nothing looks familiar, “Not a goddum thing. I think I never got let outta the room they kept us in before the pirates be comin’.”

  Flashes of faces appear in her mind she’s tried to forget. Other Felis children her age. Adult humans who poked and prodded. The black-haired Oyx. The brown and orange-haired Tyx. Her best friends. The friends she’d abandoned. There were others too: Gyx, Fyx, Syx, Hyx, and Ryx. All Felis her age. She’d left all of them here. Had they escaped?

  Cai puts a hand on her shoulder, and she realizes she’s trembling, “Breathe. I’m sure this place is bringing back a lot of memories. Do you want to talk about it? It might help calm you down if you do.”

  She shakes her head, “No… I…” She feels a dam on emotions she’s long ignored. Guilt, anger at herself, shame. “I went without them! Oyx and Tyx! My best friends!” She holds back tears as memories she’d hidden in her heart for the last fifteen years flood out, “They were gonna be behind me? Why didn’t they follow? I was too scared ta be lookin’ back ta see if they were bein’ behind. Then the cap’n found me and… I left ‘em! My siblings!”

  Cai hugs her, even though he looks confused and alarmed at her outburst, “You don’t know that. I don’t know who you’re talking about, but maybe the researchers escaped with them? Maybe another pirate group found them and took them like you were?”

  Nyx knows she should hate the hug, but it grounds her and helps with the pain in her heart. It feels… comforting, and it nearly shatters her doubts about him. Would a bad person hug someone like this? Maybe, but something tells her it’s genuine.

  Nyx’s eyes go blurry as the tears build up in her eyes in the low gravity, “Cap’n woulda said somethin’ if the other pirates had Felis on their crew.”

  Cai lets her go, and a part of her is sad. No, she needed it to last longer. Even Wrench never hugged her, and she realizes its something she’s missed since she lived on Barnard Station. When was the last time someone hugged her? Oyx? Sweet Oyx. So kind and precious, Oyx. Nyx had always been rough, but she wanted to be like Oyx. She was the oldest, or so the adults said, but she always felt like a little sister she’d needed to protect… She’d abandoned her. Abandoned Tyx. The others…

  She lets her suit suck up her tears, and looks at Cai, “Let’s get goin’. I’ll be good.”

  Cai doesn’t look convinced but says nothing and instead points down a hallway after checking the map on his wrist computer, “Fuel blisters are this way.”

  They continue down the habitation ring towards the station’s spire.

  As they went, they noticed that the glut of the scavengers spared nothing other than a few metal panels and the occasional dead body. Even the station’s spin had slowed considerably, as the pirates had probably stopped it to make salvaging the solar panels easier. Hence the low g’s in the habitat ring.

  Only when they reach the spire do things become familiar to her, “This… I’m knowin’ this place.” She rushes ahead, “The Az Gaper was breachin’ over this way!”

  She rushes ahead and finds a hole in the bulkhead just the right size for the Az Gaper’s airlock.

  Cai looks at it, “Huh, maybe I should dock the Donati here?”

  Nyx doesn’t reply as she continues, “They brought me from this hallway.”

  She heads down a narrow hall meant for access for maintenance crews to the fuel lines.

  “They nabbed me at this here place. I was so scared and shakin’. I couldn’t be findin’ a place back in ta help Oyx and the rest of ‘em…”

  She continues and stops next to a fuel line, “Here. It was bein’ here at this dum place I was escapin’ from.”

  She looks at the insulation around the fake liquid hydrogen pipe and pops it open.

  She barely fits.

  Cai yells over comms, “Nyx! Wait! We should talk before…” He pauses, “I’ll wait out here. Just promise you’ll keep the line open.”

  She growls a response and pulls and pulls her way through. Why hadn’t her siblings followed her through?

  There it was. The maintenance hatch.

  She opened it and all Cai heard was a wail of grief, pain, and anger.