A familiar scene from Zun’s early teenage life, presumably 5 years ago, rewound in her unconscious mind.

  Her darkened vision swirled into a tunnel of light that led her back into her cramped attic room, where all her darkest memories nestled. Scrolls of meditative scriptures laid scattered across her desk and spilled onto the floor - some piles overlapping another, forming uneven hills of parchment.

  Zun was sitting upright on the floor in front of her desk in a meditative posture, counting numbers to herself as she breathed in and out. Seconds followed by minutes and her concentration was starting to wear thin. One moment she was pondering her dinner, the next moment she was recounting the number of new spells she had learned.

  Craps! Stop thinking! Stop thinking!

  “Damn!” She gave in and threw her fists into the air. “Why is it so hard?!”

  Slouching forward, she brushed away a pile of scrolls and picked up an old book titled, “The Journey towards Becoming – A teacher’s wisdom”. Its spine was falling apart, barely kept together by a loose stitch, but the pages were nonetheless well-kept, without any folding mark, inks or torn edges. With a quick flick, Zun reached the bookmarked page and started reading the first paragraph over and over again.

  “So…” Zun readjusted her crossed legs to perfect the lotus position. “I need to be aware of everything that passes by my mind, without holding onto any intention or focusing on any lingering details. Let the thought come and go by itself as if I am watching a bird flying by. That way, I can be mindful of myself and my thoughts. Wait, why does it feel so impossible? How do I try to be aware without focusing?”

  She let out a long sigh, while flipping the pages back and forth with her fingers. “I guess I should still try concentration meditation first.”

  Back in her upright posture, Zun scrambled a few notes in her practice book and inhaled a deep breath. “Come on…now is not the time to be lazy. Gotta take it seriously. I’ve already made up my mind, need to get some serious results! Watch me!”

  That brief self talk was a much needed break. As she was starting to feel more energised again, a thundering kick knocked open her door and someone stormed in, unwelcome.

  It was her dad, Koi. The breath of alcohol lingered around him like a sheet of smokescreen, oozing vicious intention. His dark eyes jumped from one scattered mess to another, before landing on her squarely.

  “What are you doing?”

  A sense of threat clawed her mind, smouldering the bridge of her nerves. This is bad.

  “Wh-what?”

  Without sparing a minute for clarification, he snatched her hair and dragged her out of the room like a rugged doll, down the staircase to the living room.

  “What did I do?! Let go of my hair!” Her heart pounded loudly against the tightening of her chest.

  “Told you to finish the exorcist study!!” Koi yelled. “Which part of your brain is dead? You are to take the Exorcism exam this month, but here you are stuck in your rat-sh*t hole practicing useless things!!!”

  “NO!!” Zun’s pride hardened against the incoming storm. “I am not taking that damn exam!!”

  “What did you say?!” His expression darkened.

  “I’m not joining the organisation! Go beg someone else!”

  An unwarranted slap crushed into her eardrum, leaving aggressive lines of finger marks across her face. “You dare to defy ME!!”

  “And I dare you to hit me again!!” She barked back to her own surprise.

  It felt instantly satisfying, but another slap threw her helplessly against the wall. “Who do you think you are—talking back to your father like this!”

  He kicked her stomach and almost made her gag. “Feeling brave to talk back? HUH! You want to fight? You are so strong, so independent, right? Old enough now to bite the hand that feeds you. Show me then, SHOW ME!!”

  Taunted by his fury, she raged forward to attempt a punch, but he locked her joint in a split second and with the weight of his upper body, slammed her on the floor.

  After adding some kicks to the injury, he spewed his demand again, “Go back to your practice! If you fail the exam, you will be living in the street for the rest of your life!”

  “Stop it, old man! Stupid madman! I don’t aspire to be like you, you hopeless psychopath!”

  That insult triggered something in him. Aspire?

  Thick veins traced his temple, as rage tightened his jaws. He immediately pulled out the training whip hanging on his belt and repeated the usual punishment, staining the wall with a rush of red.

  She quivered on his feet and curled into a small ball. Despite her defensive pride building up against this tension, the aching shiver fed on her fragility, leaving her powerless. Her mind was also wearing away, but this was just the beginning of another typical episode in her life.

  “You dare to look down on me?! A pitiful brat like you, living under the comfort of my roof! What do you know about this world? What do you know about ME?!” He spat at her and drove his boots into her ribs.

  Zun tilted her head to meet his glare. Those dilated pupils could swallow her whole into the pit that nurtured his fragile ego fat. It was always this righteous game, stomping on her self-esteem and playing down her reality to brand his image.

  What is so documentary-worthy about your life? Why do I have to obey every single word? Why?! Why?! WHYYY?!

  The taste of bitterness boiled her tongue. Without a second thought, she raised her chin and spat back at his face. “Yeah, I know! I know you are an alcoholic! Your strongest skill is beating up your daughter. Go give that dumb head a flush and cry in hell! I will not become someone pathetic like you!”

  The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

  Hell?! Trying to curse me, are you? Koi’s rage surged like a storm unleashed after a trigger warning, pulling the strings of all his facial muscles into a twisted mask bearing violent intent. “You will be sorry.”

  With a brutal swing, he threw the practice whip on the floor and drove his elbow down the top of Zun’s head. Her jaw snapped open in an instant, as the pain pounded bluntly in her head and shocked all her senses. Punches and kicks followed swiftly in blurred force, until her body was swollen with bruises that resembled a manifestation of unwanted disease.

  Zun started puking blood. No amount of beating could prepare her for this. She could only pray that she would get used to it next time. The iron taste clung to her throat and suffocated her mind like never before. Her vision twirled as she scanned the room to seek refuge.

  She tried to stretch her arms forward to pull her body, but the joint of her right arm was twisted out of position. Her heart skipped a heavy beat.

  But Koi wasn’t done yet. He slammed a vase on the floor and broke the picture frame hanging on the wall. His anger continued to brew with a thirst for some kind of twisted justice.

  “Telling you to be an exorcist is me caring for your future. Yet you fool, always take my effort for granted! Do you deserve my efforts? DO YOU??! Everything I have done just to be treated like this. I will kill you all! I will kill you, dare TEST me again!!”

  He grabbed a nearby chair and slammed it on Zun, completely breaking the object into pieces. Zun was utterly beaten black and blue.

  “Lily!! Come out now, NOW!” Zun heard her father’s yelling.

  A woman came bursting out from an adjacent room - her head hung low, her spine slumped in distress.

  “Clean this mess.”

  “It’s my fault,” Lily confessed. “I should have guided her properly. I leave her too much to her device.”

  His eyes seized the woman’s figure as if projecting his anger, before they completely shut tight and turned away. “Spare her an umbilical cord if you like, don’t let me see this cursed louse, or I promise I will rip her apart!”

  The man turned his back on them and exited the living room quickly like a culprit escaping the crime scene, carrying the expired episode of outburst.

  “M-mom…” Zun turned around and slurred in desperation. She crawled on her limb toward the wounded women and spread her left arm to reach for her mother, but Lily slapped her hand away.

  All her pain electrified at once. Zun was immediately taken aback. “Mmm…”

  “Why…why do you fight with your dad? You said you will prepare for the exam. Was that a lie?”

  “Mmm…I d-don’t wan…” Zun grunted through her crooked jaw.

  “Enough!” She cut Zun’s words abruptly. “You think I am so fun to fool, right? You think this is all a GAME!”

  Lily’s voice stabbed like needles drilling into her eardrums, “He is a tired man. Why is it so hard for you to please him?!”

  “I…I…” Zun struggled to speak.

  “I’m here, trying to keep this house in order. How can you be so selfish? What can you get out of this victimhood?!”

  Emotion peaked again. “Mmm…I…mm s-still…training. I…w-want…to…be…a-aa…T-teecher.” Pressing hard against her swelling face, Zun forced those words out, part growling in panic.

  Her mom was shocked. Those eyeballs swelled profoundly like two inflamed organs warning to burst. “What?”

  Zun smiled a bit as she felt she could finally be understood. She put out her index finger and took several short breaths, withstanding the friction of her cracked ribs, to build up the courage to complete the sentence. There was a hint of shy expectation to impress her mom.

  “I…t-t-train…join…House…o-of…Glo-ry…a-as…T-Teacher. Haahaa…”

  As she completed the sentence, her eyes warmed up irresistibly hot. Those words were her honest wish. Something she kept very deep within herself, behind walls of fragile esteem.

  “What are you saying? Do you have a screw loose?” Her mother’s first reaction instantly embarrassed her.

  Zun found herself immediately shaking her head. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at her mom’s glare.

  “Are you not ashamed? Join the House of Glory as a Teacher—just to be a freeloader doing ritual all day?”

  “…!”

  Against the polished outward respect that the family showed toward the House of Glory, a brutal truth revealed itself to Zun. Those demeaning words shot from her mother’s razor-sharp tongue were appalling. It shredded every precious feeling Zun had into something meaningless.

  “Do you want it easy? Is this your attitude toward life? How do you get so low?! WHY?!! I beg your father to care for you! I—” Lily hit her chest in distress as she spoke, “—I beg him to give you chances. All I want is for you to live a proud life! Why do you always have to prove me wrong? Why do you have to make everything so difficult?!!”

  Lily stood up to leave, but Zun quickly grabbed her by the leg and desperately wept like a lost cause, regretting everything she said.

  Lily gave no chances and pulled her leg away, blurting out, “…don’t call me your mother!”

  Fear screamed like siren in Zun’s ears. She tried to stand up and chase her mom, but a sharp pain shot up her knees and dragged her to the floor. Her vision started to crack, muffled by lines of glitches that subdued her senses. As she laid there half unconscious, her mind continued to seek her mom’s presence, until she heard her voice talking on a phone.

  “Hello, I want to call an ambulance, there was an accident just now…”

  An accident? Does this look like an accident to you? Weren’t you peeping this whole time? You are so scared it hurts to see. It’s all his fault.

  “It was a spell accident…she hurt herself when practising…”

  My mother, you are such a terrible liar. Your voice is cracking up; they will know.

  “The captain is not here…please come as soon as possible.”

  What has he done to deserve you defending him like this? Does he have an iron lash tied around your neck? You deserve to be free…but sometime I also wonder have you ever felt the same for me or maybe…I don’t deserve this?

  “I will ease her wound as much as I can, before your arrival...”

  I hate to see you like this and I hate that I can’t make you feel safe. Why do I always end up becoming a burden to you? Why? I just want to be independent and take you far far away from this hell.

  The very woman that she adored so much, had turned into a stranger she couldn’t face. The voices in her head surfaced like splatter of blood on a white canvas, each thought slicing her wounds deeper.

  As Zun’s vision watered down and dilated, those inner voices broke into a desperate cry of a little boy.

  Who is that? Who is crying?

  “It’s all his fault. He hit me because he thinks he owns my life, my aspirations, my future, even you, my mother. It’s all because of him we become like this—that despicable WH*RE MAN.”

  Heat flared up with an itching ache rooted like a deprived seed deep inside Zun’s heart, seeking for a breakthrough of an unaccountable expression.

  “I just want to make you proud, but he turns me into something you despise. Don’t turn your back on me, mama. Please, I don’t ever mean to disappoint you.” The little boy’s plea sounded similar to hers.

  Zun couldn’t tell if she was hallucinating, but through her dilated vision a figure of a battered young boy broke into sight. Heavy chains hung down from the ceiling around him, enclosing him within layers of shadows.

  “No mama, don’t. I beg you. Please forgive me. I was wrong. I will prove to him that I am capable. I will make you proud and be a great exorcist.”

  His cry, carried by the current of her excruciating pain, reverberated within the chamber of her heart as if they were seeking an audience.

  “I don’t want to live under the mercy of his self-righteous pride forever. I don’t want to face the beating, don’t want to bear the pain. He will be sorry…HE WILL BE.”

  His desperation, tempered with twisted thought, echoed like an ugly submission. It made her body quiver, but deep within, she knew she was the same, shameless and pathetic.

  “Hey, don’t cry. You can talk to me.” Zun extended her arm towards him, and after a short, hesitating pause, she gently tapped the floor a few times to get his attention.

  He will be sorry…he will be… The voice reverberated back.

  Like wind chimes dancing to a light breeze, the chains around him swayed as a few of them slowly tightened around her wrist, intertwining their lonely pain.

  At that moment, the cry of the little boy ceased without a trace.

  Let Lord Father be my witness…

  Pave me a path to my salvation…

  And show me how to be whole again…