—— ? ——

  Everything hurt.

  That was good? It meant Simon was alive. He definitely wasn’t feeling too great about the concept of life at this moment in time. But it beat the alternative.

  Simon moaned and tried moving for the first time in what had to be an eternity. It felt like every muscle, bone and all of his bits had been given to an overzealous acupuncturist with thirty two inch needles.

  He just lay there, wherever ‘there’ was trying to recall what had happened.

  There was definitely a quip about a golden retriever followed by a rare instance of deity propelled human flight.

  His mind has then decided that it had enough of all of these shenanigans and had gone on vacation. It had tipped its hat at the door and told his body “Good luck with all of this you sorry sack of flesh!”

  Why was he alive?

  Simon was pretty sure that even post-magical “system” and realms shouldn’t account for the fact that he had lived after becoming acquainted with metallic shards of death at hundreds of miles per hour.

  What was the math on that even.

  It had taken him a good thirty seconds to walk into that courtyard but he had passed it in fractions of a second on his way out.

  Yeah, Simon wasn’t that good at math to figure it out. He also knew his brain was trying to think about anything but the current pain it was exposed to.

  He was sure that there was no logical explanation besides something intervening in his accelerated demise.

  Simon slowly opened his eyes and breathed out a ragged painful sigh of relief.

  He was back in the empty white space he had been before meeting the god of slavery and homicidal intentions.

  Painfully, he glanced down at his body. He wished he hadn’t.

  The rainbow of dark colors across all of his flesh was a very poignant reminder to just how close to death he had just been. Simon hadn’t known that his body could even make those colors and yet here he was. The stunning part was the movement throughout his body. With every passing second the colorful tapestry of pain was dulling and beginning to look more like human features.

  Simon continued to admire this right up until the point he heard cracks that originated within his own body.

  His vision matched the surroundings as the white hot pain caused him to blank out momentarily.

  After what seemed like eons to the hapless mortal it was finally over. Simon was pretty sure his mind that had returned from its short vacation was busily collecting all of these memories and locking them away in a box that says “Yeah lets never think about that again.” in big bold red letters.

  He groaned and sat up. He was stiff but the unimaginable pain had blessedly faded and he could only feel a cool warmth throughout his body.

  A soft chime echoed across the white void, and a glowing prompt materialized in front of him.

  —- SYSTEM NOTICE —-

  > ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

  > Realm First: Divine Rage

  You rejected a Prime god, insulted his authority, and got cursed out of an entire combat path. He responded like any rational deity would. By launching you into a mountain.

  You somehow managed to survive! Congrats!

  Some doors slam shut. Others explode behind you.

  > Rewards:

  + Passive: Stubborn Resilience (Minor) - You basically already had this. Don’t be too upset, the real reward was not dying because of where you attempted this.

  + Title: Your name has been updated to Simon “of the Broken Oath”

  > Note: This designation is not ceremonial and is visible to deities and their followers, entities of equivalent power, and anyone who can read the air. Beware

  ——————————

  Simon stood blinking at the achievement.

  First off the reward. Wasn’t that just saying he was stubborn? Also the line about “where” he attempted this. He assumed that the system had prevented his untimely demise. It wouldn’t really make sense with what Glint had told him for deities to just be able to crush anyone they disliked during this integration.

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  The title was… concerning.

  It looked like he had a visible indicator that he had pissed off the god Varrax to end up with this.

  The part he was still confused about was the line describing being cursed out of an entire combat path.

  Simon stood puzzling this until he noticed a flashing indicator in his vision.

  It looked like how he would imagine a notification symbol would appear, a triangle and an exclamation mark inside of it.

  It took him a few minutes of trying different approaches until he mentally “clicked” the exclamation which caused the current prompt to disappear and another to take its place.

  —- SYSTEM NOTICE —-

  > WARNING - YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED

  > Curse: Damned

  >> Type: Divine - Prohibition - Martial Domain

  >> Source: Varrax the Unyielding

  >> Duration: Permanent.

  >> Effects:

  >> You are barred from all martial advancement paths.

  >> You are unable to channel martial energy.

  >> While affected you will be unable to use martial weapons or weapons of war.

  > Additional Restrictions:

  > This curse cannot be removed by anyone other than the source deity

  Sometimes a door closes. Other times, a vengeful deity nails it shut and sets the hallway on fire.

  ——————————

  Simon sat back down.

  Alright… so this is not ideal. He dryly thought.

  There was a lot to unpack with this second notification. It definitely answered the first prompt’s statement about being blocked from a martial path. This was just too much new information for Simon's brain that he was pretty sure had been a slurry minutes ago. He tried to piece together all of the information that he had at his disposal. Minutes went by and he still wasn’t able to come up with a coherent theory or truly process what had just happened.

  All he knew is this was not a great start to his new life.

  Simon was sure of one thing.

  There was no way that Tuesdays weren’t cursed.

  In fact he now had system proof that Tuesdays did in fact SUCK.

  A third chime sounded. It was hollow and seemed to be artificial compared to the other chimes Simon had heard.

  The fact he was now becoming an expert on “chime” sounds was worrying.

  The prompt dominated his vision.

  —- SYSTEM NOTICE —-

  > PRIMARY PATRON CANDIDATE ASSIGNMENT HAS FAILED.

  Subject [Simon, “of the Broken Oath”] has been cursed and rejected by assigned Prime deity: Varrax the Unyielding

  … Calculating…

  Based on accord, Subject [Simon, “of the Broken Oath”] will be reassigned.

  > Initiating Protocol: God Wheel

  Good luck.

  ——————————

  Simon flinched as he read the last line.

  Damn… If I have learned one thing. If this system says “good luck” it can’t be good.

  As he finished his thought the prompt vanished and in front of him a massive wheel appeared.

  To clarify, it was MASSIVE.

  It towered above Simon and he could barely see the top of it. It was divided into what seemed to be thousands of small slices with unreadable scribbles that he assumed were names. Each had their own color and hue and something else. Each slice shimmered with a light that hurt to look at. Some glowed like coals, others pulsed like heartbeats.

  One was flickering violently between a bouquet of flowers and a flaming skull, and Simon decided that would be the worst result in this messed up game of chance the world was forcing him into.

  The wheel lurched once.

  *Click*

  The sound rang out as a small sharp golden triangle that was delicately inscribed shivered then settled into place onto the next slice.

  The wheel began to spin.

  Click-click. Click-Click. Click-Click.

  Each segment passed the triangle and made an audible sound. Every click seemed to scratch at Simon’s mind and slither down his spine. He watched mouth slowly agape as the wheel continued to speed up and turned the entire wheel into a blur of colors and light.

  The clicking turned into a low drone. It whirled and whirled until the wheel was just a singular mass. A cacophony of sound and light.

  Simon closed his eyes and shook his head.

  What in the hell is this?

  Then the droning began to quiet. The clicking returned.

  Simon’s breath caught. He hadn’t realized his heart was pounding and attempting to escape his ribs.

  The wheel slowed even more.

  Click… click…

  *CLICK*

  With a final sound the wheel stopped. Simon watched as every segment besides the one the golden triangle was resting on vanished from existence.

  A familiar chime sounded.

  —- SYSTEM NOTICE —-

  > PATRON CANDIDATE REASSIGNMENT COMPLETE

  > Protocol: God Wheel

  > Selection: Melodian, god of bards and performance.

  >> You may experience temporary disorientation.

  >> User Status: [UNCLAIMED]

  >> Sending user to selection.

  Harmony is offered. Growth is earned. Limits are unknown.

  Good luck.

  ——————————

  As the world began to tilt again, Simon sighed internally.

  God of bards. Sure. Why not? Maybe this one will try to kill me with a kazoo.

  He could’ve sworn the last line of the prompt lingered for an extra second as the world vanished.

  —— ? ——