The dead congregation was still there. And the huge god face staring down at them, unimpressed by the mass sacrifice before it.
I need to think quick. Damn I wish I had a pen. Brainstorming ideas was what he was good at. Give him a minute or two and maybe he could save this situation. Scrawl a few ideas down and see where they led. He was desperate to do something useful. If this was a fantasy dungeon crawling world, surely some of his nerd gamemaster knowledge would be useful?
He opened his satchel and took out his notebook. No pen, though. I really need a pen. I wonder if Yuri has one? He flicked open the book and saw there was writing in it. It’s not empty anymore? He held his book closer to the glowing wall and saw that there was indeed writing there, along with sketches. His handwriting, and his simple drawings. He was sure it had been blank before, but here were details of a dungeon. This dungeon. The face of the god on the page was exactly the same as the immense one on the far wall. Underneath it were notes on the room, just the kind of things he would note down when creating games.
Sacrifice Chamber
A medium sized room, where frogites sacrifice to their dark god, Kurtolak. Room will contain (70% chance) Frogite Priest (Lvl 1), and 2d10 worshippers. 50% chance of captive about to be sacrificed.
That’s me! I was that fifty percent chance. He continued reading.
The walls are suffused with blue-green light that flows like water across the smooth cavern. The face stares out over the chamber, its froggy lips look like they could open at any moment and croak out a holy message. When opened healing water spills forth into the lowered chambered floor, healing all in it for 2d8 HP.
A secret passage beyond the open mouth allows entrance to the elemental node chamber beyond.
“Kurtolak, master of life and death, from whose lips flows life and whose eyes decide death. Free us from our pain.”
That was it. Game stats and a brief description of the chamber, and a quote of prayer. He flicked back and forth, trying to find more information on the secret passage, but there was only this. He did feel a tingle of excitement spread through his body. This was like finding the idea for a brilliant new monster or encounter. This book did have some magic in it! He tried rubbing his hand over the page to make more writing appear, but nothing happened.
Croaks echoed from the tunnel. Emizra bent her head to the tunnel and listened. “He’s going to open the tunnel with his crest.”
“This is their home territory,” Yuri said. “He can probably undo Tianna’s spell, if he has mana.” She dropped her head in despair.
“He has mana. He’s telling them to charge in and take no prisoners. We have defiled this sacred place.” Emizra looked at them coolly. “They are pretty pissed off.”
“Of course they are. We came into their home and disrupted their rituals.” Arjelica drew her axes and stood in the tunnel, legs akimbo, ready for battle. “And now we face the consequences. If this is how I die, then the battle will be a fine one.”
“I don’t want to die,” Tianna wailed like a lost puppy, but her mace was ready in her hands. She moved besides Arjelica. They made an odd couple, but there was no doubt they would both go down fighting.
Yuri raised her head and lifted her staff. Its crystal flashed with power. “Don’t worry, girls. The only one dying today”—she thrust her staff out towards the tunnel—“is as many of them as possible.”
Emizra sighed. She was leaning insouciantly against the wall, but her chain was ready in her hands. “There must be another way. I’m not ready for a courageous and foolhardy death just yet.”
“There is a secret door in here.” Dee said. The heroes all looked over to him. Shock and disbelief clouded their faces.
“Where?” Arjelica fixed him with a stare.
He waved his book in the air. “I don’t know, it’s a secret.” His weak smile quickly faded under her gaze.
“What have you got there? I thought it was blank.” Yuri pulled the book from him. She prised the pages open with her long fingers, searching through it. “You are a sneaky spy, aren’t you? Do you have a map of the rest of this nest?”
“He’s a spy! A sneaky spy. I trusted you, I liked you! And now I have to bash your brains out!” Tianna hefted her mace and prepared to brain him.
Save it for the frogs, he thought, but he was too afraid to say it out loud. He hated confrontations, even with miniature priest not-halflings. Arjelica looked like she wanted to scare the information out of him. Emizra just stared at him with her disconcerting gaze that hinted she understood more than she was letting on.
“I can’t read this, what does it say?” Yuri said. She waved the book in front of his face. She had no anger on her face, just curiosity.
Dee grabbed it and held open the page with his writing on it. Well, the magical writing that was somehow in his handwriting.
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“It says there is a secret passage, through the face of the god. But we have to work out how to open it. Let me have a closer look.” He ran towards the stairs, new confidence filling his body with energy. I can be useful, I can be useful!
“Don’t let him get away, and do… spy stuff!” Tianna cried.
“I still trust you,” Yuri breathed. She had easily caught up with him with her long strides. Her robe flapped as she ran alongside Dee. He took the stairs two at a time, desperate to find some clue before they were trapped for the rest of their short, painful lives.
He stumbled at the top, banging his shin painfully on the stone stairway. Yuri quickly grabbed him.
“Are you okay?” she said with concern.
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” He tried to concentrate. His stomach felt like throwing up and his chest felt like screaming. How is she so calm? How are they all so calm? Confidence or just the reality of being an adventurer?
Cries from Arjelica and Tianna made them look back. The Claw Stalker and War Priest fell back from the tunnel as frogites erupted from it like roaches ruining an Airbnb stay. There was nowhere for them to go. Either he found a way out of this room, or his adventure was going to end here. This was it. Time to shine.
He stared up at the stone face. Nothing had changed from before. It was still ominous and bulbous. Big blank eyes of stone staring out. Blank like his mind. Come on man, think! How do you give information to PCs about secret info in dungeons?
He slapped his hand on the altar stone, then explored the sides of it, hoping for a button or carved shape that would open the exit.
I don’t give information though, I hide it, they have to work for it themselves. So where would you hide it in this chamber?
He closed his eyes and imagined sitting at his game table. He leant on the altar as if it was his table. He rolled dice here, made notes, sat with his friends when they bothered to turn up. This was his safe place, where he was like unto a god. He made a world here, pulled the pieces from his brain and then arranged them. And that puzzle was then handed to his players, who often ignored it and complained, but sometimes dug into his world-building and then they all got a rush of pleasure as the vibrated on the same wavelength, almost living in the world he had created.
Okay that’s some nice mental masturbation, but where would I hide a secret door here? I would put it in an obvious place, the altar or the face. The face! I would make them crawl into its mouth for sure. The mouth then.
And how would I give them the secret of opening it? I make them engage with my world-building, they have to understand the world and its culture to progress. They would have to know about the religion or the god or whatever, or- oh my frog god, I’m a genius!
He stood up and threw his arms into the air towards the stone face. “Kurtolak, master of life and death, from whose lips flows life and whose eyes decide death. Free us from our pain.”
Nothing happened.
“That did nothing,” Yuri said. “I hope you aren’t just playing around. Witch Bolt!” She spun and launched a purple bolt of energy down the stairs at a frogite warrior that had crept by Arjelica and Tianna, forcing it back down to the cave floor.
Dee glanced down to see the two fighting fiercely, driving back the encroaching mass, but there were always more of the froggy foes. Emizra flickered in and out of the shadows, appearing behind frogites and to trip or distract them.
“It would have worked in my game. The players would learn the prayer, and that’s the secret to opening the door. I mean, that’s how the frogites must do it.”
I continue to surprise myself with my uselessness. I guess I can’t just walk into a frogite temple and expect their gods to listen to me. I don’t even speak frogite.
“You don’t speak frogite do you?”
“No, of course not. Emi does.” Yuri sniffed.
“Emi, Emi, Emi!” he called. He thought she was still with Tianna and Arjelica, but there she was standing right next to him. She had an uncanny ability to not be where you expected her.
“Only friends and lovers call me Emi.” She put her warm face against his and whispered into his ear. “Which would you like to be?”
“Both is good- but no, not right now. You can speak frogite, right? Can you say this in frogite?” He repeated the quote from his book.
She raised an eyebrow and smiled at him.
“Do it, Emi. He’s got a sneaky spy idea. Oh, I love this little human.” Yuri ruffled his hair. He felt a static build up from the friction of her gloves. Some of it was possibly pride at her praise.
Emi croaked out the phrase, and he felt a wave of relief as a rumbling sound came from the statue. The mouth opened. He had done it! But there was more to come. An immense gurgling sound came from the deep dark opening, a rumbling and thrumming that crescendoed into an ear-bursting roar. A torrent of water burst forth from Kurtolak’s mouth.
Dee was almost knocked down by the spray, he had to lean into the altar stone for support. Yuri shouted something but it was overcome by the force of the water spraying out. He bent his head down so he could breathe, the force of the water was so strong he couldn’t stand up.
The pressure dropped a little. Dee spluttered and spat water out of his mouth as the torrent faded into a trickle. He was soaked, but also healed. The pain in his shin disappeared along with other minor cuts and bruises. He felt invigorated.
“I did it!” He punched the air with joy.
“It’s healing water!” Yuri marvelled. Her floppy hat was dripping wet, along with her robes, but she was beaming with pride at Dee.
The water cascaded down the stairs into the chamber. At the bottom of the stairs, the depression in the stone captured the water in a pool of shimmering healing water. Tianna and Arjelica were free of attackers, as every frogite in the cavern bowed down in sudden terror, croaking out prayers. Some of the frogites launched themselves into the newly formed pool.
“This is the passage, let’s go,” Emi said. She had pulled herself up over the bottom lip to peer down into the depths of the frog god’s mouth. She slid herself over the stone lip and disappeared.
“Escape time, sweethearts! We have a secret passage to explore.” Yuri waved her arms in the air at Tianna and Arjelica. The two heroes splashed through the healing pool, largely ignored by the frogites who now seemed to be croaking in joy and singing holy songs as they scudded around the pool with their strong flippers.
As they reached the top of the stairway, Tianna glared at him. “I still don’t trust you.”
“Shut-up and get in the frog, darling,” Yuri snapped.
Arjelica grabbed the starkin and hefted her into the tunnel.
“That’s bad manners!” Tianna wailed as she slid out of sight.
“So is getting killed by an angry frog clan.” Yuri laughed to herself. She hitched her dress up and clambered into the gaping mouth. Her marvellous bottom was outlined in velvet black for a moment, then she slipped down into the darkness.
“You really don’t know how to quip, Yuri,” Emizra’s voice came from the secret passageway.
“Well done.” Arjelica punched Dee on the shoulder and he felt a burst of pride.
I did something useful. I am useful. I am not a loser. A badass elf complimented me.
“Are you getting in?” She interrupted his self-celebration.
He leapt up at the bottom lip. His legs flailed in the air and his dressing gown wrapped annoyingly around them.
This is humiliating.
He felt Arjelica’s strong hands push his butt, hefting him up and into the slick passageway. He slid down headfirst into the unknown.
This is terrifying.