Taoreta's POV

  Amazing.

  Kishi was truly amazing.

  Someone who could be honest about himself yet viewed his very being as a sinful one. It brought inspiration... and hurt.

  What he mentioned about attempted murder was true. I, too, hadn't been thinking at the time and was about to kill an innocent guy.

  A person who may have had a family back home. A person who maybe was someone's comfort. Someone who maybe was a father to his children. And we were about to take his life away like it was nothing.

  Our minds were clouded and our judgment was half-baked.

  I would never forget about my horrible actions. Because if I did, then Kishi alone would have to answer for his crimes. And if he was going to get in trouble for it, then what freedom did I deserve to have?

  Just thinking about it made my heart sink.

  Here Kishi was, pouring his very soul out for the world to see. Yet, here I was, feeling too guilty to speak about the type of person I was.

  If I was being honest, I wasn't a good person.

  And I could say that for certain.

  Truth be told, I only cared about Kishi and that was it.

  I wasn't saying that I didn't trust the rest of the supernaturals at all, but I felt my whole being was hesitant to trust them fully. Well, not yet, at least.

  And to be frank, it was the most normal thing to do with strangers.

  I knew we were a team and all, but there hadn't been enough moments to fully rely on them so much.

  That said, I doubted that was due to us being strangers. Kishi said that they were our friends, and I believed him without a doubt.

  But still...

  My very being... my very soul...

  It didn't want to get close to these girls. For some strange reason, I didn't want Kishi to be close to any of them.

  Was it for the sake of his safety? Was it to justify my own feelings? My emotions?

  What were my emotions? What were my feelings?

  All I knew was that I wanted to protect Kishi, and that was final.

  It was pretty messed up to think that way. What would Kishi think of me if I said this out loud? Would he hate me? Distance himself from me for not having faith? Would he abandon me for not believing in him?

  The more I tried to think about myself, the more I realized that I was no better than these creatures. I didn't value any human lives. I didn't care who died and who was alive. As long as Kishi was okay, then I couldn't have cared less.

  But that same mindset was like poison.

  I couldn't believe that I had turned out this way. Who really was I? Was I a bad person? Was I someone who didn't deserve to be alive?

  Why did I detest the girls here?

  They hadn't done anything wrong. They were trying their very best to save mankind from destruction.

  Yet there I was.

  Thinking about Kishi and nothing else.

  What about Riley? What about David?

  Of course, I cared about them. They were like family to me. Yet... I wasn't thinking about them right now. I was so horrible. Why wasn't I thinking about them right now? Just being in this room made me uncomfortable.

  I wanted to hug under Kishi's chest, but I couldn't.

  That would be too selfish...

  Who was I? What type of person was I?

  "Ngh..." I narrowed my eyes in shame.

  I wasn't as strong as Kishi. I was weak. I was fragile. I couldn't lie about myself, but I couldn't tell the truth about myself either.

  What did I do?

  I closed my eyes. I gripped my right arm like I always did, trying to calm myself down.

  But no matter what I did, my brain was overflowing with self-doubt and criticism about myself.

  I was horrible. I was disgusting.

  I didn't deserve this life.

  Yes...

  You know this, Taoreta. So be honest and get it over with. Tell them who you REALLY are.

  Tell them that you're a bad guy-

  "Don't worry," I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

  I opened my eyes and saw Kishi smiling at me.

  "You can't be as bad as someone who can only see in tunnel vision when you're in danger. No one will judge you here, okay?" Kishi rested his hand on my shoulder.

  "Just take a deep breath... and tell them how you really feel..." Kishi whispered to me.

  Be honest about my true feelings? How did I feel? What type of person was I?

  I kept repeating the question over and over again. But the results remained the same.

  Ah.

  I must be broken.

  I was a lost soul who didn't give a damn about anyone but Kishi. Not even Riley and David were in my mind right now.

  I was horrible. I was so horrible.

  "Kishi. I don't think I'm-" I cut my sentence off when I saw a serious look on my red-haired friend.

  He was listening to me with the utmost attention.

  Not only him, but everyone else too. But of course, my vision was tunneled, and I could only see him and him only. What was wrong with me? The others were trying to help, but I was making things worse.

  "Kishi... everyone... I-I..." I lowered my head. "I don't think... that I-I'm....I'm...!"

  Ba-bump!

  Calm down.

  Ba-bump!

  I needed to calm down. But the way he was looking at me. The way Kishi looked at me. It was like the weight of my heart was getting heavy.

  I couldn't breathe right. I needed some air.

  Wait, no.

  It was all in my head. I needed to stop running away from my guilt.

  I needed to atone. I needed to be just like Kishi.

  Soon...

  I felt my heart calming down. I used the moment of silence to think about my answer.

  Everyone was calm. Waiting for my response.

  But how did I even respond to this?

  Who was I?

  Who was I?

  ...................

  ......I didn't know.

  I didn't know who I was.

  "..." I held my head in shame.

  I couldn't believe it. I didn't know the right answer. There was no right answer...

  No matter what, my mind was broken.

  There was nothing to be done about this. Kishi would leave me if I said how I felt. That was why I wasn't saying anything now. All I was doing was cowering in fear of losing Kishi.

  ..........

  ....Why? Why was I like this?

  ....................

  .....Ah. I see.

  I was selfish.

  I was a selfish person who was only in it for my own goals. And that was one of the types that Kishi hated—people who only use others for their own benefit.

  If I thought about it that way...