"I am the chosen JPEG!" Gideon roared, vibrating intensely. "I ascend to the heavens!"
The Knight was currently hovering 3 feet off the ground, his limbs locked in a rigid T-Pose. The glowing targeting thingy on his chest was dragging him toward the massive CAPTCHA wall.
"Grab him!" Kai yelled, diving for Gideon’s plastic cape. "If he gets uploaded, he gets deleted from the map!"
Kai caught the hem of the cape. Maya grabbed Kai’s waist. Pigglesworth, refusing to touch the "commoners," hooked his cane around Maya’s belt.
They dug their heels into the frozen tomato soup ice.
"He... is... too... heavy!" Maya grunted, her boots sliding across the slick surface.
"It is the weight of my sins!" Gideon shouted happily, rotating slowly in mid air like a top. !
The System groaned. A loading bar appeared above Gideon’s head, filling up with agonizing slowness.
[ UPLOADING: BUS_OBJECT_01 ] [ PROGRESS: 1%... ] [ ESTIMATED TIME REMAINING: 4,392 HOURS ]
"Four thousand hours?" Kai stared at the bar. "Why is the bandwidth so bad?"
"It’s Junior Mode!" Kai realized. "The System is throttled for safety! It’s checking every single polygon!"
"We can't hold him for four years!" Maya screamed, her grip slipping.
The magnetic pull of the wall increased. Gideon moved another inch closer to the glowing grid.
"I can see them!" Gideon marveled, his face inches from the screen. "They are... square."
"He’s unoptimized!" Kai yelled, watching the loading bar crawl. "His file size is too big! He has too much armor! Too many unnecessary textures! The System is choking on him!"
Kai’s developer brain snapped into gear. If you can't increase the bandwidth, you have to decrease the file size.
"We need to compress him!" Kai shouted.
"Compress him?" Pigglesworth asked. "Like a fine cheese?"
"Squish him!" Kai let go of the cape. "Everyone! push him! mash him into the wall! If we make him smaller, the upload will finish instantly!"
"You want us to crush our friend?" Maya looked horrified.
"Do you want to wait four thousand hours in a frozen soup ocean?" Kai countered.
"squish the Knight!" Pigglesworth decided instantly.
They scrambled around to the back of the floating Gideon.
"Sorry, Gideon!" Maya yelled.
"Do not apologize!" Gideon shouted, his voice muffled as his face pressed against the CAPTCHA screen. "I am ready to go in!"
"PUSH!"
Kai, Maya, and Pigglesworth slammed their shoulders into Gideon’s back. They heaved. They shoved. They treated the Knight like an overstuffed suitcase that wouldn't close.
CRUNCH.
Gideon’s plastic armor groaned.
[ OPTIMIZING ASSETS... ] [ PROGRESS: 50%... ]
"It’s working!" Kai grunted, driving his shoulder into Gideon’s spine. "He’s losing fidelity! Keep pushing!"
"I feel... compact!" Gideon wheezed.
They gave one final, desperate shove.
POP.
With a sound like a cork being pulled from a bottle, Gideon vanished.
He didn't fall. He didn't bounce. He simply ceased to exist in the 3D world. The space where he had been floating was empty.
"Gideon?" Maya gasped, stepping back.
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She swiped her hands through the empty air.
"He's gone!" Maya screamed, panic cracking her voice. "We crushed him! We deleted him, Kai! He's actually gone!"
"No," Kai pointed at the wall, breathing hard. "We just... minimized him."
Maya looked.
Inside the CAPTCHA grid, in the top-left square, a new image had appeared. It was a grainy, low-resolution picture of Gideon, striking a heroic pose on his roller skates.
"He’s in the CAPTCHA grid," Kai whispered. "He’s a thumbnail."
The grid flashed red.
[ SECURITY ALERT: UNAUTHORIZED IMAGE DETECTED. ] [ VERIFICATION REQUIRED: DEFEAT THE TRAFFIC. ]
Inside the screen, the 2D Gideon suddenly moved. He looked left. He looked right. He drew his pixelated hammer, The Judge.
"I am trapped in the window of panes!" Gideon’s tiny voice came from the wall speakers, sounding tinny and compressed.
In the square next to him, a picture of a Traffic Light suddenly animated. The red light turned into a glowing, angry eye.
"Halt!" the Traffic Light flashed. "Bus detected! Observe the laws of the road!"
"I answer to no lantern!" Gideon roared. He rolled across the white border line separating the images.
"He’s crossing the frames!" Pigglesworth gasped, adjusting his monocle. "He is breaking the … the grid!"
Inside the screen, Gideon skated into the Traffic Light's square. The Traffic Light fired a red energy beam. Gideon parried it with his armor.
"Have at thee, three-eyed demon!" Gideon swung his hammer.
Parap!.
The Traffic Light shattered into a pile of broken pixels.
[ SELECT: TRAFFIC LIGHT... CLEARED. ]
"He’s solving the puzzle by killing the images," Maya said, stunned.
"Next!" Gideon shouted, skating into the bottom-right square.
A picture of a Fire Hydrant came to life, spraying a jet of water.
"A water elemental!" Gideon laughed. "I am immune!"
His body slammed the Fire Hydrant.
SPLAT.
[ SELECT: FIRE HYDRANT... CLEARED. ]
The CAPTCHA wall began to shake. It wasn't designed for this kind of "User Input."
[ REAL WORLD INTERLUDE ] [ Location: London Office ]
Dave was staring at his monitor. He was currently trying to dry his keyboard with a handful of paper napkins, but the sticky hazelnut creamer was everywhere.
Suddenly, a notification popped up on his screen.
[ UPLOAD COMPLETE: Gideon_Compressed.zip ] [ WARNING: FILE IS CORRUPTED. ]
"What?" Dave squinted at the screen. "Who is uploading files? Is that the malware?"
He clicked the file properties.
Size: 4MB Dimensions: 0 x 1080 (Flat)
"Zero depth?" Dave frowned. "That's a flat image file. Quarantine it."
He clicked [ FLATTEN ].
[ OAKHAVEN - TOWN HALL ENTRANCE ]
"Gideon, look out!" Kai yelled at the wall.
Inside the screen, a massive mouse cursor “Dave’s cursor” descended from the white void above. It looked like the Hand of God, but boring and beige.
It grabbed the 2D Gideon by the head.
"The God’s Hand has returned!" Gideon cheered. "I am chosen!"
[ ACTION: EJECT ]
The cursor flicked Gideon toward the "Verify" button.
DING.
[ VERIFICATION COMPLETE. YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT. ] [ YOU ARE A... VIOLENT JPEG. ]
The massive stone grid groaned. The images spun wildly. Then, the center of the wall split open.
BAM
The wall spat Gideon out.
He flew through the air and landed on the icy steps. But something was wrong.
"Gideon!" Maya ran over. "Are you okay?"
Gideon stood up. He looked fine. He checked his arms. He checked his legs.
"I am whole!" Gideon declared. "The window pane prison could not hold me!"
Then, Gideon turned to face Pigglesworth.
As he turned sideways, he vanished.
"Where did he go?!" Pigglesworth shrieked, backing away.
Gideon turned back to face them. He reappeared instantly.
"I am here, Viscount!" Gideon smiled.
He turned sideways again. Zoosh. Gone.
He turned back. Zoosh. Back.
"Oh no," Kai whispered, walking around Gideon.
As Kai walked to the side of the Knight, Gideon became razor thin. He wasn't just thin; he was non-existent from that angle.
"He’s a sprite," Kai realized. "The upload compressed him. He lost his Z-axis completely."
"I feel... very light," Gideon said, turning sideways and disappearing again.
"He only has a front and a back," Kai explained to the horrified Maya. "If you look at him from 90 degrees, he has zero thickness. He literally doesn't exist from the side."
"You're a cardboard cutout," Pigglesworth noted, poking the thin edge of the Knight. "If a strong wind comes, you will be mailed to another kingdom."
The massive double doors of the City Hall slowly swung open.
Beyond the doors, the darkness of the Admin building waited. But it didn't look like a boring office anymore.
The floor was black and white tiled. The walls were lined with lockers. Standing in the middle of the hallway, patrolling back and forth, was a creature made entirely of Hall Passes and Rulers.
[ NEW ZONE: THE HALLS OF DETENTION ]
"We're in," Kai said, looking at his paper thin friend. "Let's find the console before Gideon blows away."
"I shall slide through the cracks of justice!" Gideon shouted (flatly), and skated into the darkness.
