Within the next split second, several important things happened. First, Pete avoided the first of the oncoming boar’s tusks, veering so sharply that he was able to avoid it altogether. Second, the boar charging up behind him missed entirely and ended up smashing into the other animal to the accompanying sound of splintered bone and the heavy thud of muscle and bone colliding.
The boar’s right tusk, which Pete feared he was heading directly towards, miraculously missed his leg entirely as the beast saw its oncoming companion and tried to adjust its trajectory and avoid an inevitable collision. Utterly bemused at his luck, Pete continued forward, watching in confusion as the rabid goblin on top of the closest boar launched itself at him, spear in hand, ready to thrust it into his heart.
Pete’s confusion increased as the flying goblin’s foot was caught in the saddle mounted on its boar, yanking the creature backward sharply and forcing it to release the spear and send it hurtling forward at a sharp, downward angle. The spear cut open the flesh of Pete’s right leg, jamming into the meat of his hamstring and sending a shock of pain through his body as he cursed and stumbled forward.
All of this had taken place within under a second but, as the final tally was taken, Pete stumbled into a nearby makeup table and stool, cracking his head against the furniture while the small spear through his leg was twisted sharply, causing another thrill of agony.
“FUCK!” he shouted as blood spurted from the wound.
The two boars fell to the floor, either dead or unconscious, tusks splintered and broken, blood running from their ears while the sole remaining goblin flew through the air heading directly towards Coop.
>> ACHIEVEMENT: Two for One!
Congratulations! You just killed two Goblin Scrapper boars in one move. You’re already shaping up to be quite the competitor. Ruthless, efficient, brutal. Just so you know, one of those boars was a father and had a dozen little ones waiting for him back at the pen. Congratulations home wrecker!
ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: 2 Belch Bucks!
KILL REWARD: 10 Belch Bucks!
Coop jumped as the goblin collided with the last remaining boar, legs and arms stretched out wide as she flew towards the bed, landed, bounced a few times and then got to her feet and circled around, looking back at the pair. The hapless goblin hit the boar just at the moment the beast had turned around to see what was going on in the center of the room.
The unfortunate effect of that movement was that the Goblin Scrapper was speared through the abdomen by the boar’s tusk, causing the little green creature to squeak with pain and simultaneously let out a loud fart.
“Shuzbut!” the goblin cried out, wriggling as it wrestled with the tusk to try to free itself from its sudden impalement.
This was made much more difficult as the boar, confused by the sudden growth that had joined itself to its tusk, attempted to shake the goblin free. With their efforts seeming to counteract each other, the boar then moved over to the closest wall and proceeded to slam its goblin master repeatedly against it in the hope of dislodging the creature from its tusk.
“Shuz…” SLAM “…but!”
>> TIME LEFT: 6 minutes 43 seconds.
Pete twisted, reaching gingerly for the goblin spear but pausing to grab a doily off the table in front of him and scrunch it up in his hands. He yanked the spear out and watched as a spurt of blood gushed out before he had time to slam the scrunched-up doily against the wound.
“Goddamn it!”
The pain was potent, and as he stood and gingerly tested his leg with the bulk of his weight, Pete understood just how difficult it was going to be to move with any speed. He’d be limping at best, and running was completely out of the question. Only time would tell whether the decision not to use the Bailout Ticket would pan out or prove to be a fatal error in judgement.
>> TIME LEFT: 6 minutes 43 seconds.
Pete turned to see Coop walking up to the edge of her bed. She was staring at the boar across the other side of the room, still thumping its head repeatedly into the wall. The goblin skewered on its tusk flailed about, arms and legs flying lifelessly as green blood flowed down to the floor.
>> ACHIEVEMENT: Kill by proxy!
Congratulations! You just killed the last remaining goblin by using its own boar against it. Or rather, you stood there watching while a creature the goblin raised from a pup just bludgeoned it to death. Makes you wonder who the real monster is, doesn’t it?
ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: 2 Belch Bucks!
KILL REWARD: 5 Belch Bucks!
“Come on!” Pete said, limping over to Coop. “Let’s get out of here before that thing figures out how to scrape the goblin off its tusk.”
Coop leaped off the bed, latching onto Pete’s arm and crawling up around his neck, claws embedded in his hoodie as he winced in pain and limped out of the bedroom. He clutched a hand against the back of his wounded thigh, pressing the bloody doily against it.
“Any chance you’ve got some bandages in this house?” he asked, walking past the rooms stacked with old newspapers and other crap.
“Somewhere in the kitchen, I think. You’ll need to search for it, though. I’ve never had a need for that kind of stuff myself. Tough as leather and hard as nails, that’s me.”
Pete grunted as he hobbled down the stairs. Blood was still flowing from the wound, but at least he was still able to walk. He was debating whether he had time to tie up a bandage when the sound of hooves thudding against the corridor floor behind him drew his attention.
The boar was charging after them, and Pete was forced to start running. In reality, it was more of a half-jog than a run, but he managed to reach the broken front door before the boar and ran out into the street, hoping he might be able to lose the beast or get some help from one of his neighbors.
>> TIME LEFT: 6 minutes 23 seconds.
As he ran out into Mrs. Cooper’s front yard, the boar came galloping out of the building, the battered remnants of the last goblin still clinging to one of its tusks and obscuring the beast’s view of what lay ahead as it thundered after Pete. As he turned around to face the boar, skillet in hand, the creature veered sharply to one side, obviously misjudging the distance between them now that one eye was obscured and its depth perception had been affected.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
The beast galloped right past Pete, triggering some kind of battering ability as green light suddenly surrounded the beast’s head. It charged and the air was split with the heavy sound of a loud boom as the boar slammed, not into Pete but into Mrs. Cooper's letterbox.
It offered no resistance at all, and the boar continued on its trajectory, charging out into the street just as a pickup truck came hurtling down the road at speed, its driver clearly unprepared to account for a rogue boar sprinting out into the middle of the road. The impact was predictably destructive to the boar, but the truck’s tires squealed in protest as it slid left and right, fishtailing down the road.
The driver managed to course correct before the truck climbed the curb, and the vehicle continued on down the street moving at roughly twice the speed limit as though its owner hoped to somehow outpace the alien invasion by sheer acceleration.
Pete limped over to the road, seeing the dead boar lying in the middle of the street, twitching slightly.
>> KILL REWARD: 5 Belch Bucks
The neighbors who had been gathered outside began to shrink away, uncertain about what they’d just witnessed. Pete wasn’t particularly close to any of the people who lived nearby. He knew Mrs. Cooper best, and that was just because she had a habit of spending her days sitting out on her porch and shouting at anyone within earshot.
QUEST COMPLETED: Goblin-Slaying for Dummies.
>> Not only have you survived this initial wave of combatants, but you have also successfully defeated the squad of Goblin Scrappers before the allotted deadline. In addition to the regular quest reward, 5bb will be awarded for every full minute you are under the allotted time.
Reward: Soul Ledger Token
Quest Time Remaining: 6 minutes 2 seconds.
Bonus Reward: 30 Belch Bucks!
Pete sucked in air, his chest still heaving as he tried to steady his breathing. “Okay, so that Soul Ledger Token, that will let me pick a class right?”
[Nero] Correct. Simply approach the obelisk where you first acquired your gauntlet, and you will be able to acquire the Ledger. I would suggest seeing to your injuries before you pick up the Token, however. Thus far, only enemies associated with a given quest have been able to attack you; however, once you select a class, any enemy within range will be free to attack whether they are associated with an active quest or not.
“Got it,” Pete said, shuffling across to the dead boar and staring down at the animal and the ragged remains of the goblin still clinging to its tusk.
Grunting in pain and stretching out his right leg so that he didn’t have to bend it and exacerbate the pain in his hamstring, Pete lowered himself down to the ground right beside the dead goblin.
“What the hell are you doing, Pete?” Coop asked.
He shrugged. “Figured there might be some loot or something we can use. Maybe if I search the goblin?”
“Ain’t nothin’ much left of the little green bastard. Besides, he doesn’t have any pockets to search. No pants at all that I can see. I can’t be sure, but I think that’s his pecker sticking out down there.”
Pete looked where she was pointing with one paw, then caught himself, looking quickly away.
“Ha!” Coop said. “Made you look!”
“Nero?” Pete asked, shaking his head. “How come there’s no loot here?”
[Nero] You will be unable to loot corpses such as this until you have registered the Soul Ledger Token. At that point, you will be able to acquire any items held by enemies you kill. Loot boxes are another matter, however. They typically drop from elite enemies and bosses and require a Loot Lure to gather and a key to open.
“Jesus, everything in this damned game really does require money, huh? We don’t get anything for free.”
[Nero] The Dominion Ultrimax Contest is pay to win, Pete, so it is entirely appropriate that all rewards and upgrades require funds. Money can also be used to boost abilities and temporarily gain incredible perks at higher levels. It is, quite literally, the most important resource you can acquire.
“Just seems like it takes all the sportsmanship out of it, that’s all. I mean, if it’s all down to money, how do you know you’re really getting the best players at the top?”
[Nero] Because money must be earned, Pete. No one brings their wealth to the contest. At least among those who derive from this planet. They must earn their coin and spend it wisely. Already you have shown yourself to be keenly aware of that fact, given your decision to sell the Bailout Ticket rather than use it. I can say that approximately 90% of other players would not make the same choice. It shows that you are already beginning to understand the true nature of the game and what it will take to prevail.
“Money.”
[Nero] A shrewd mind. The ability to think on your feet and to be flexible. The skill of being able to manage your resources effectively and choose when to gamble and when to spread your risk. Bear in mind, Pete, that the Dominion Ultrimax Competition is the most widely broadcast game in the entire Dominion. It is watched by trillions of citizens all over the universe and beyond, all betting on their favorite contestants and raising or lowering their own status with each wager won or lost.
“Seems like a crazy-ass way to run a contest if you ask me, but I guess I don’t have a choice here, do I?”
“At least you’ve still got a human body,” Coop complained. “Being trapped in poor Pickle’s little body is…strange. He’s quick though. Lord, he’s quick. A good set of teeth and claws too.”
Pete ignored the old woman’s comment as she flexed one claw as if to demonstrate the value of her newfound weapons. Grunting as he drove himself back up to his feet, Pete started limping towards his bottom floor apartment.
The front door to his apartment was still open. As he moved closer he received odd looks from those neighbors still standing outside their houses and leaning out over the apartment balconies above. It turned out that giant obelisks falling from the sky and crushing cars wasn’t going to be the weirdest thing they saw today.
Everything inside the apartment was exactly as it had been when he’d wandered out to see what had made the almighty noise. Everything was the same, but it all somehow felt completely unreal, bland, as though it lacked color and depth.
Pete’s life had been utterly upended in the space of just a few minutes. He’d unknowingly self-selected for a brutal, universe-spanning gladiatorial contest, been attacked by a trio of pint-sized marauding goblins, and had learned that his only chance of survival—indeed the survival of the human race as a whole—was to win this game or at least survive long enough to make humanity worth keeping alive.
Yet despite all of that, Pete felt a thrill of excitement. All those years smashing through video games and wishing that life wasn’t so mind-numbingly boring. The dead-end job, dropping out of college, his mother’s constant nagging that he needed to find something more meaningful to do with his life, just like his cousin Philip…
All of that had been swept away in a moment, leaving Pete facing one vivid truth. His entire reality had changed, and now he had a chance to do something that really mattered, something that he might actually be good at. He wasn’t especially gifted in combat, not in a traditional sense, but Pete knew games, and he was fit enough and quick enough on his feet to adapt. Whatever this crazy contest required, he’d adjust and become whatever he needed to be to succeed.
But first, he had to fix his leg.
“Shit!”
But before that, though, he had to call his mom.
As Pete hobbled through his apartment, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and found that it had miraculously survived the encounter with the goblins. He called his mother and limped over to the hallway cupboard where he kept a small but serviceable first aid kit.
“Callin’ your mom, huh?” Coop said, climbing down his shoulder and leaping onto the floor. “Good boy.”
The call dialed, and Pete hit the speaker button, placing the phone on the small table nearby as he fished out the first aid kit and started looking through for a bandage and some adhesive tape.
“Pete?” His mother’s voice sounded worried.
“Mom. Yeah, it’s me. Are you safe? You haven’t gone outside, have you?”
“Outside? No, but I’ve seen all the madness on the news. Some kind of alien invasion they’re saying. Or it could be the Russians.”
“It’s not the Russians, mom. It’s aliens. Look, you just need to stay inside the house and keep the door locked, okay? I’ll come get you as soon as I can.”
Traveling fifty miles across the city in the middle of an alien invasion, with God only knows what enemies trying to kill me, Pete thought. Should be easy enough.
“I’m here with Sally. We were supposed to be heading out for brunch, but I guess those plans are ruined now.”
“Just have her stay with you and keep the door locked.”
Pete slid down his jeans and started strapping a bandage around his wound, pressing a wadded-up piece of gauze against the spot where the spear had shot into his leg. He grimaced in pain.
“There’s…some bad stuff out there, and I don’t want you to get hurt. Lock yourselves in and wait until I come get you.”
“Okay, sweetie. But don’t do anything reckless. They said on the news that the police are investigating, and the Governor has called in troopers.”
Coop snorted, pacing up and down the hall as she waited for Pete to finish strapping his leg.
“Damned police ain’t gonna be able to do shit against the little green men. Not with all their alien technology.”
“What was that, Pete?” his mother asked.
He finished strapping the wound and bit off a piece of adhesive tape. “Nothing mom. Just stay put and—”
>> Citizens of Earth, I bid you welcome!
A booming voice filled the air while at the same time appearing in front of Pete as he finished taping up his bandage.
“Mom? Mom are you there?”
The call was dead, and the voice continued, coming from outside whilst also appearing directly in front of Pete’s vision.
>> Lend me your attention, humans!