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29. Mucky Muck

  Griznack seemed to grow larger, the power pack looming up above his shoulders expanding to the left and right as steam hissed in a high-pitched screech on the ground began to rumble. It was like watching a kettle on the verge of exploding, as the goblin leaders eyes bulged and his grin widened. He held his shield in front, the oversized Belch Buck coin like the nose of a bullet train, hinting at what was about to happen.

  A quick look to either side confirmed to Pete that the surviving Burrowers had suddenly given him a wide berth. Their eyes were no longer fixed upon him either but were locked on their leader in a mixture of fear and reverence as they continued to back away.

  Sam’s hellhound was still attempting to attack but it couldn’t get past the brute’s defenses. Coop, meanwhile, was pacing about in front of the giant, blue light surrounding her.

  Pete quickly considered his options as the ground continued to shudder and the whistle steam rose to a deafening shriek. He could ditch his money, vanish and try to sprint out of the way but somehow he didn’t think that would cut it in this case. Griznack was going to charge and even if he sprinted at full speed Pete didn’t think he could get out of the path of it.

  Then the idea along with the realization that, until now, hadn’t dawned on him. This was a game. Yes, it was life and death then they were fighting for the survival of the species as well as people like his mother, and Ollie. But it was also a game, a game which was broadcast throughout the cosmos and which billions of people were watching at every moment.

  He grinned, pointing a hand towards the giant goblin, turning his wrist around and beckoning with two fingers.

  “Come get some you ugly looking wannabe trashcan!”

  Pete shouted the words as loud as he could manage drawing an enraged crown from the goblin leader along with puzzled looks from Sam and Coop.

  [Coop] What the hell are you playing at, boy?!

  [Pete] Just follow my lead. And get out of his way. I need him to charge right at me.

  [Sam] Are you nuts? He’ll eviscerate you.

  Pete wasn’t altogether sure whether their party chat was being monitored. Given everything else he’d seen about the contest so far it was likely that it was. Maybe not for everyone but someone would doubtless be reading their conversation.

  [Pete] Just trust me. Stay out of his way and get ready to hit him with everything you’ve got.

  He raised his bow, noting the shrunken skull pendant dangling from its base and smiling once more. Pete pulled an arrow from his quiver and positioned it in place, taking a few deep breaths and then pulling it as far back as he could manage.

  “Get a move on you illiterate fuck!” he taunted, grimacing a little at both the imprecision of the insult and the sudden memory of pain he felt up and down his arm and shoulder as he pulled the arrow taught.

  “I is gonna kill yous into paste!” Griznack roared. “I gonna smashy smash yous face with me coiny coin!”

  Pete strained, waiting for his three seconds to tick over and hoping that the timing would work for his plan. If so, it would be spectacular and might even gain him a little prestige

  “I is gonna—”

  “Way to telegraph your next move champ!” Pete managed between gritted teeth. “Just do it already!”

  Griznack snarled as the whistling and shaking suddenly stopped. The entire area was caught up in a momentary silence that was almost deafening, and the air seemed to thicken around Pete. He triggered his Pauper’s Ward a split second before Griznack shifted his front feet and charged.

  Just saying the goblin leader had moved fast was a little like saying the sun is hot. He shot from his place fifty feet away right up to Pete in the time it might have taken him to blink if he’d chosen to do so.

  Three things happened in rapid succession.

  First, Griznack’s shield collided with the Pauper’s Ward, sending out a burst of percussive power so strong that it ripped the armor off several nearby goblins and sent all of them flying into the air, two dying instantly due to the impact explosion.

  Second, the entire force of the strike was nullified and Griznack was sent staggering backward, his shield and drill arms outstretched and the wound in his chest completely visible.

  Third, Pete released his charged shot, and a bolt of white-hot power thrust itself into the goblin brute’s chest with devastating force. The aim was true, and the strike ripped through metal and flesh alike, sending sparks flying as it burst out of Griznack’s back and onto the ground where it split the road and left behind nothing but scorched asphalt and a small crater at the impact point.

  


  >> KILL REWARD: 50 Belch Bucks

  Griznack began to shake violently, steam hissing and hot oil spraying from the machine creature in great gouts as errant springs and cogs pinged off one another. The whole mechanical body was shuddering, its drill arm slowing to a sluggish spin while several metal plates began to buckle and bent out of shape as the interior of the machine continued to rupture and explode.

  Most surprisingly of all, as the giant figure’s body began to split apart under the force of the explosive energies released during the attack, Pete saw two pairs of bloodshot eyes staring back at him from the interior of the monstrous form. The eyes were nestled next to two peeled back plates of metal, but Pete saw that both of the metal plates had handles on their interior and there looked to be a small compartment inside with a range of levers and wheels arrayed in a rudimentary control panel.

  “Mercies!” a goblin figure bleated as the compartment he sat nestled in opened right up and he started climbing out. “We giving up! We surrenders!”

  A moment later a second compartment opened, spilling out a wounded goblin that dangled precariously with half of his body stuck in place.

  “We all giving up!” the second figure blurted, eyes wide, their hands extended in surrender. “No squashy squash.”

  Pete stood leaning against the handle of the bow like a walking stick, frowning over at the little creatures as they climbed down from the shuddering form of Griznack the Goldgnasher. The moment they hit the ground, they groveled over in front of Pete, crawling on their knees, pleading for mercy.

  Unlike the other Burrowers, these two wore simple tan-colored uniforms with the vault door symbol painted in white on the chest. They had no armor and their hands were plain goblin hands with regular green fingers.

  “We don’t mean no hurty hurts!” one of the two said as a third chamber just to the left of Griznack’s drill opened up, revealing a third goblin. “We not try to hurty hurts yous!”

  Pete shorted. “You tried to charge me to death!” He pointed to the machine carcass. “You shot a damned machine gun at us!”

  The two groveling goblins shook their heads. “Mercies! Mercies! We not doing the hurty hurts!”

  All around, the surviving Burrowers walked over uncertainly, looking at Pete as though he was some kind of giant killer. They joined the two grovelers, bowing low and raising their own voices in desperation.

  Sam and Coop came walking up beside Pete, the former shaking her head.

  “Well, this is weird as fuck.”

  Pete snorted. “Not what I expected, that’s for sure. But I’d rather be dealing with these than the big one.”

  “I say we kill them,” Coop hissed, stalking in front of Pete and staring with a menacing gaze as the prostrate goblins. “Kill them all!”

  The Burrowers cowered and bowed lower, whining and pleading, tears flowing from their eyes as they raised a mournful chorus.

  “We’re not going to kill them,” Pete insisted. “Not if they stop trying to kill us.”

  Coop pouted, in so much as it was possible for a ferret to pout, but Pete could see the twinkle in her eyes. This was all for show. She was enjoying threatening the little creatures immensely.

  “Merciful biggins!” one of the Griznack pilots cooed, smiling up at Pete. “Wonderful biggins! Mercies!”

  The other goblins took up the cry, but the last figure to emerge from the now ruined mechanical construct pulled himself out of the machine and slid down its front in an ungainly fashion then hit the ground with a solid thud. Pete watched as the figure rose to his feet, face covered in oil and a scorch mark on the right side of his head.

  He pointed a finger at Pete, waddling forward in a drunken gait and shouting at the top of his lungs.

  “I is gonna kill kill the mucky muck!”

  The two goblins bowing at Pete’s feet spun around, irritation clear on their faces.

  “Shut up Marv! Yous shut yous face mouth!” one of them yelled.

  “He’s tries to killin’ us!” the goblin named Marv replied. “Try to make us squishy squish.”

  Pete pulled an arrow from his quiver and notched it, aiming directly for the enraged goblin.

  “I could settle this for you now, if you like?” He said with a grin. “You wanna keep fighting?”

  Marv stared at Pete, eyes narrowed, and, for a minute, Pete thought the little bastard would actually call his bluff. The two stared at each other for a few seconds and Pete found himself willing the goblin to back down so that he could ease his aching arm.

  Finally, Marv slumped forward, dropping down to one knee and bowing his head. “We submits.”

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  An impromptu cheer went up from the goblins and they seemed to forget instantly that, only moments ago, they had been trying to kill Pete and his companions. The two goblins in the pilot uniforms stood up and the tallest of the pair addressed Pete.

  “We is The Three.” He pressed his hands against his chest. “Me is Glek,” he pointed to the figure standing next to him which Pete realized was a female goblin. “This be Glip.”

  He threw a thumb over his shoulder as the third pilot stood and slumped forward, looking like he’d just eaten something very sour.

  “This one is Marv.”

  Pete nodded, lowering his bow and slipping the arrow back into its quiver.

  “Glek, Glip, and Marv,” he repeated. “My name is Pete, this is Sam, and this is Coop. Oh, and that’s Wolfy.”

  Marv walked up alongside his companions and the three figures bowed to Pete, Sam, and Coop in turn. When it came to Wolfy, they were less gracious and more than a little afraid.

  Sam pointed to the ruined construct behind the group.

  “So, what’s the deal with that thing? You just drive around picking fights with innocent people, crushing them to death.”

  The three pilots looked from Sam to Pete, as though trying to comprehend the question.

  “We is the crushy crush,” Glek said. “We make crushings against the mucky muck like Mammy said. We make good crushings, we gets more coiny coins.”

  Pete frowned, watching as the other Burrowers gathered nearby all nodded in agreement.

  [Nero] Unless I misunderstand, I believe these creatures are saying that they were sent here specifically by the Mammon System to fight you and would be rewarded upon completion of that task. This would align with my fear that the System will attempt to stop us from achieving our quest.

  “Is that who sent you after us?” Pete asked. “Did the Mammon System send you?”

  Glek nodded. “Mammy is always sendings. Sendings to crush the hoomans, to crush the mucky muck. Mammy sends here and Mammy sends there. Griznack goes where Mammy sends. But not now. Now Griznack is dead, machine is deady dead!”

  A cheer went up from the surrounding goblins. All except Marv joined in the impromptu celebration.

  “Wait, you didn’t build that thing?” Pete asked, motioning to the construct.

  Glek shook his head. “We build. Mammy make us build. To make crushings on hoomans and before hoomans to make crushings on breeyan, and before breeyan to make crushings on kalopikie.”

  [Nero] the races this creature is referring to were those who competed in previous seasons of the Dominion Ultrimax Contest. It seems that they have been in operation for quite some time.

  Sam stepped forward and bent down in front of the three goblins. She reached out and took Glek’s hand, then turned it over to reveal a small golden shackle around his wrist. Pete saw that each of the three goblins had a similar shackle with a small golden key dangling from it.

  “What is this?” Sam asked. “Is this what you use to start that machine?” She pointed to the Griznack construct.

  Glek nodded. “Is serving key. Is to hold us in place to make servings to Griznack, to Mammy.”

  Sam turned to face Pete. “They weren’t driving that thing out of choice. My guess is, this key locked them in place inside the damned thing.”

  Glip, the female goblin, nodded furiously, raising her wrist to show her own key. “Yes, yes. The key is binding. The key is holding to the Griznack. When Griznack die, the lock is releasing, and we is free.”

  Pete stepped forward, inspecting the shackle and shaking his head. “So, none of you wanted to do this? You were forced into it by the System?”

  Female goblin nodded as Sam released her hand.

  “We not wanting to make fights,” Glip insisted. “We wanting to dig and find treasures to build and make more diggings.” She looked sidelong at Marv. “Except Marv. He wanting to make fights. He always wanting to make fights.”

  A series of chuckles ran through the crowd of the gathered Burrowers. Everyone nodded in agreement, all but Marv himself who just glared at Pete as though he held a personal grudge.

  “So, what happens now then?” Pete pointed to the construct. “What happens to Griznack?”

  The three goblins looked at one another. Glek spoke up.

  “No more Griznack. Contract with Mammy is done, Griznack is defeated. Burrowers free.” He looked up at Pete, eyes glassy as though he was on the verge of tears. “Burrowers make new contract. Burrowers serve the hooman biggin. Biggin is bossy boss now. Biggin makes the rules. Biggin is Burrow Boss.”

  Glek turned to face Glip, feeling out the words as he spoke them. “Biggin is, Griznack killer, is Burrow Boss, is…” he looked Pete up and down taking in the human figure and struggling to come up with a suitable title.

  “Vault Breaker!” Glip offered, her eyes widening as she repeated the term and others in the group began to take up the chant.

  “Vault Breaker! Vault Breaker! Vault Breaker!”

  While Pete, Sam, and Coop watched, the three goblin pilots stood upright, facing straight ahead with a look of determination as one of the mechanics from the drilling machine scurried over, holding something that looked suspiciously like a spray can in one hand.

  One by one, they sprayed white paint over the top of the vault door handle symbol on each of their tunics. Glek and Glip showed pride and an almost euphoric degree of happiness as the symbol was defaced and their fellow Burrowers continued to shout Vault Breaker over and over again. Marv was less pleased with the situation but didn’t do anything to stop the vault door symbol from being crossed out. He also took up the chant but muttered it reluctantly rather than shouting with the exuberance of his companion.

  One by one, each of the goblins Burrowers moved in front of the mechanic and had the various symbols on their armor and uniforms altered in the same way.

  [Nero] Curious. It seems that this is some kind of localized ceremony amongst this group of goblins. I have witnessed similar rituals in past seasons.

  [Sam] What does it mean?

  [Nero] In essence, they are closing one contract and making another, with you Pete. They now see you as some kind of boss figure and, to some degree at least, pledging their allegiance to you and your cause. I cannot say exactly what this will mean but it is clear that they wish to align themselves with you. By defacing their symbols and making new icons that represent the destruction of their old boss, they are closing one chapter in the clan’s history and opening up another.

  Sam moved in close, shaking her head as she considered the gathered goblins.

  “Crazy how quick these little guys got over all those dead goblins.”

  Pete nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. What do you think this actually means though? I mean are they our allies now?”

  “Well, I just so on the mini map and they’ve turned from red to green dots so I guess they are allies.” She turned and slapped him on the shoulder with a broad grin. “Nice job. Who knew killing their leader would make you the big boss?”

  The ceremony continued, with each of the goblins accepting the change willingly, moving in front of the mechanic with the spray paint one after the other as the shouts continued. Coop watched the ceremony with interest, sitting beside Pete and tilting her head to the side as the last of the Burrowers took the new mark of the Vault Breaker.

  


  >> BOSS DEFEATED: Griznack the Goldgnasher!

  Congratulations! You just defeated a boss that is not a boss... or rather, three bosses... mini bosses...in some kind of mechanical construct... Whatever the hell it is you killed it and three little green bastards crawled out. Now you’re their Chieftain, or at least an honored boss. Play your cards right and they’ll probably offer to marry you off with their least ugly virgin!

  KILL REWARD: 500 Belch Bucks halved to 250 Belch Bucks because you only half did the job!

  BOSS LOOT BOX: Legendary Level

  BOSS REWARD: 1 Attribute Point, 1 Goblin Clan Contract

  >> ARCHERY PROFICIENCY + 2

  >> CRITICAL STRIKE DAMAGE PROFICIENCY + 1

  >> STAMINA PROFICIENCY +1

  >> ACHIEVEMENT: A New Contract!

  Congratulations! You just beat a goblin Burrower clan into submission and strongarmed them into forging a new contract with you. Some say the pen is mightier than the sword, but you just shot a lightning arrow through a metal giant, so pens can go suck it!

  You and this Burrower clan are now bound by a mutually beneficial contract. They may not go to war with you, but they’ll definitely help you move a couch into a new apartment, and they might be useful in a time of need. In any subsequent fight you encounter where they are in range, these little green bastards will endeavor to help you defeat your enemies. They will also offer aid wherever possible outside of battle.

  ACHIEVEMENT REWARD: +5 Diplomacy, +5 Prestige

  “Holy shit!” Sam barked, shaking her head. “Plus five to Prestige? Is that permanent, Nero, or will it wear off like when we eat the fancy food?”

  [Nero] This is in fact a permanent stat increase and thus is very valuable indeed. Permanent prestige is difficult to come by, but I believe your ploy in first taunting the enemy and then defeating them in such spectacular fashion earned you the privilege, Pete. In addition, each member of your party has secured a single permanent point of prestige. You will note that you have each picked up a Core Attribute point as well.

  “Question,” Coop said as the goblins started to part ways, revealing a path towards their slain leader. “Out of interest, would we have gotten better rewards if we slaughtered all of these little green men?”

  “Coop!” Pete barked.

  “I’m just asking. Just academically, does it make a difference if you kill all the enemies instead of making friends with them?”

  [Nero] While it is difficult to say, you would likely have earned more coin as each kill provides a certain amount of money. I’m not sure that you would have acquired such a wealth of rewards, however. Consider the prestige bonus Pete acquired, for example. A large part of the skill involved with being a successful contestant is in playing a part that the audience can get behind. You may play the hero or the villain, but it works best if you commit firmly to one path and follow it consistently. In this instance, Pete clearly followed the heroic path and those observing seemed to respond well to the choice.

  “So, more money and less bonuses,” Coop said. “That’s basically what you’re saying right?”

  [Nero] In essence, yes. But that does not tell the full story. Pete, take out your communications device and take a look at the UltriFeed applications and you will see what I mean.

  Pete did his he asked, pulling the communications device from his inventory and moving to the UltriFeed app. It displayed four key metrics each with total numbers rounded up and presented in brightly colored circles.

  


  >> FOLLOWERS: 51k

  >> VIEWS: 150k

  >> LIKES: 45k

  >> SPONSOR BOOKMARKS: 5

  “Damn,” Pete said. “That’s good. Wait, is that any good? I mean, there are billions of people watching, right?”

  [Nero] If you have advanced to the initiate or gladiator arenas those numbers would be quite pitiful, but you have not yet cleared your first arena. Many players don’t even pick up a communications device before they finish clearing the novice arena so to have these kinds of numbers at this stage is impressive.

  “What about this sponsor bookmarks section,” Sam asked. “What’s the deal with that?”

  [Nero] It indicates that a number of potential sponsors have signaled an interest in you. At this stage you will be unable to see any details about those sponsors and they will not officially be able to sponsor you but, once again, it is quite remarkable that any are showing an interest in you at this early stage of the contest.

  Still holding the communications device, Pete realized that two of the nearby goblins were peering over, moving in close, eyes wide. To his left, Glek jabbed Bony green finger at the screen.

  “Watchy watchers. Good for kishcash and gifts. Helps keepings Mammy happy.”

  Pete smiled, nodding. “And we all want to keep Mammy happy, don’t we?”

  The little goblin nodded furiously as Glib grabbed Pete by his free hand and started pulling him towards the dead construct. Several of the other goblins were doing the same with Sam and even gently herding Coop to Griznack’s corpse. The ferret hissed and flexed her claws to any goblin unwise enough to get too close but didn’t actually take a swipe at any of them.

  Pete quickly checked Coinnect to see if his mother had gotten online yet but found that she hadn’t. Ollie still hadn’t fully unlocked his device either, so Pete dropped the phone back into his inventory and tried not to let his disappointment show.

  They were led to the front of the construct and a lower section of Griznack’s chest. Glek walked ahead of Pete as the goblin clan parted ways, leaning him to a small chamber that had opened up at the center of the ruined Griznack construct. Sitting within a reinforced compartment which sat inside four smaller doors that had apparently opened up sometime after Griznack was defeated, sat a shiny metal door with a small, circular vault handle. There were three small slots lined up horizontally beneath the handle and Glek slipped the key hanging from his shackle into the first one without hesitation.

  Glip moved up beside him and repeated the exercise while the gathered goblins continued to chant Pete’s new title. Marv dragged his feet, scowling the whole time but eventually slipping his key into the leftmost slot. All at once, the three shackles broke apart, freeing the goblins from their servitude and allowing them to back away, clutching their freed wrists.

  The golden vault door handle shuddered and there was a loud clink from somewhere inside. Glek pointed at the handle and Pete moved forward, beginning to turn the wheel. It spun freely and Pete continued spinning until the handle locked in place. He then pulled back the small vault door, spotting a shimmering golden box inside.

  The box was holographic and looked similar to the loot box he’d seen earlier.

  “I might need your help here, Sam,” he said over his shoulder. “We both know what happens if I pick this up myself.”

  “On it,” she said, stepping forward and pulling the loot lure from her inventory.

  She hooked the golden box and drew it back while the goblins standing around looked on in delight. Some of them clapped and cheered as she held the box in her hand and lifted it high.

  “Here goes,” she said, opening the box to the accompanying shimmer of swirling golden light.

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