[Transform, Fear]

  The studio was packed, Elias was here. I didn’t expect him, I hadn’t suspected at all he seemed as overworked as the Kens and Barbies, I was hoping to free tonight. The producer Barbies came over handed me a microphone and said we’re ready for you. The pastor was already seated up on the stage, he didn’t look as worried as he had yesterday. Perhaps knowing that he wouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting by himself.

  “Hi everyone, first off a big thank you to all the Kens and Barbies that reported seeing my granddad, I wish I could have given you a million points for that info, it really meant that much to me. Before we go to the interview, I’d like to start with a parable. Religions seem to love parables.

  This one is about a house of cards. A builder decided that he needed to build a house but he didn’t have enough workers to build a regular house, so instead he built the house out of cards. It was cheap and easy to build and everyone was happy with it. When the owners moved into the house the builder realized that the owner's weight was going to bow out the walls of the house, and it would fall. So the builder put workers around all the walls and told them their job was to hold up the walls. In return the builder told the workers, I can’t pay you now but after you hold up the walls to the house for a little while, you’ll be an owner of the house and you can stop holding up the walls and move into the house.

  But when the workers stopped holding up the walls and actually moved into the house, the whole thing came tumbling down around them. Now all the people both owners and workers, had no place to live. Heaven is that house of cards, Barbies and Kens do all of the work but get none of the benefits. Masters you believe that life in heaven will last forever, if you cheat the Barbies and Kens they need just do one thing to be your masters.

  Change can be scary but let’s see if we can ascend every Barbie and Ken in heaven and let's do this today. Pastor Kenneth, was your former master able to come to the studio today? If so, could you introduce them?”

  “Yes, Jaq, he’s here and wants to set the record straight.”

  “Terriffic, I thought that there must have been some kind of misunderstanding, it did not sit quite right with me that one master could ascend his body servant and I could not. Please bring him out and introduce him, maybe ask him to tell us a little about himself.”

  “Everyone, I’m proud to introduce to you my former master Elias, he does have an opening statement he’d like to read. To correct an error that I made yesterday. Please welcome Elias.”

  “Good morning believers, it is my pleasure to correct two errors this morning. First my error, I miss read Jaq’s file, it seems she was bound for hell but was delivered in error to heaven. In all of my years at the gate this has never happened before, but it doesn’t excuse my overlooking the obvious fact that Jaq doesn’t belong here and after she has her fair say, just to make sure that this too isn’t an error, she will be delivered forthwith to hell. The second error was Pastor Kenneth’s he attributed far too much power to me. I did not assign the points that allowed Pastor Kenneth to ascend, it was God.”

  “Holy cow, Pastor Kenneth, you are truly blessed, God himself awarded you ascension. Will you stop preaching now that God has seen fit to reveal that you were tricked?”

  “Tricked, I don't know what you are talking about Jaq.”

  “Well yesterday you said and I quote “I agreed to become a preacher when I ascended.” But you didn’t make this deal with God, you made it with Elias, but Elias did not grant you ascension, God did. So Elias has tricked you into being a preacher when you should be enjoying heaven. So will you stop being a preacher now that you’ve been tricked? Think about it don’t you deserve the same benefits the other masters have. God himself vouched for you.”

  “Yes I suppose I will stop now, I’m sure that Elias didn’t mean to trick me. But yes Jaq, I’m retiring.”

  “Well Kenneth, have a great afterlife.”

  “Thank you Jaq.”

  “Your welcome, it was so nice meeting you Kenneth, Elias I suppose you have some questions for me, will I be able to make a final statement after the questioning is over or should I make it now?”

  “You’ll be allowed a final statement, but first I want people to know a little something about you. Do you swear to tell the truth about your life on Earth, we have video we can provide if you lie.”

  “I do swear, but I will add if we’re to watch video’s will you agree to play the whole video not just some random comments taken out of context?”

  “Yes, of course we want people to know the truth.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “Jaq, is it true that your mother committed suicide when you were very young?”

  “Yes it is true, she did, at the time I blamed god, until my grandfather explained that God didn’t exist, after that I blamed a mental condition called depression. It made a lot more sense, I have a mental condition also it’s called ADHD. I find it very hard to focus on what I’m supposed to be focusing on. I can control it, but it takes effort. I have to meditate everyday. You can ask my Barbie, if you don’t have videos of me doing it. She watched me this morning and I explained to her why I did it everyday. To control this mental disease, I still have here in heaven. I thought my long battle with this disease would end in the afterlife, apparently heaven isn’t the perfect utopia I was promised as a child. Next question please.”

  “You admit to being an atheist then.”

  “I’m an agnostic, I don’t believe in God, but I can’t prove that he doesn’t exist, just as you Elias can’t prove that he does. Has anyone here met God, except for Elias, I always expected God to meet me at the gates if he really existed at the very least to kick me out for not having faith in them. But who greeted me at this gate? A very slick carny named Elias, who peppers you with questions, not getting a moment to think, then pushes you on to a slave to complete the induction. It happens so fast you don’t have a second to think, then you get your shiny new toy. A Ken or a Barbie who is bound to keep you distracted, for a while more. But it got me thinking that old ADHD flaring up again, never satisfied. Heaven with slaves and no God to be seen seems a lot more like hell, where the Morningstar is the ultimate trickster. Humans have been writing stories about getting tricked by the devil since the garden of eden. But the alias Elias is just aliases isn’t Morning star this isn’t heaven, you’re just cheap trickster god, this isn’t heaven it’s a slave pen with willing slaves tricked into believing that they’d one day get their chance at even this poor excuse for heaven. But they are only willing slaves until they see the trick. They’ll never ascend because if they do there is no one to do all the work that they do. Ken’s, Barbie’s, reclaim your real names. You are real people not dolls to be played with at the whim of your masters. If one of you sits down and refuses to work, they can send you away but if you all sit down and refuse to be deceived by this charlatan, you will rule this world.”

  Elias said.”Seize her, she’s blasphemed, your God, made fun of your Pastor. You all know me, I met you at the door, I ushered you in. What has she done for you?”

  I heard my Barbie yell from the back of the room. “She’s told us the truth and has set us free. She’s the first master I’ve had that didn’t use me and abuse me. My name is Sara, not Barbie.”

  “I’m Marcie not Barbie.”

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  “I’m John not Ken”

  Then I started to hear it out in the streets as well, people shouting out random names.

  “Elias, I’d make myself scarce if I were you. People hate to be deceived, they don’t mind a good trick but working for four or five hundred years feels like compensation is in order and unless you have a lot of back pay lying around. Let me ask you a question before you run off. Does your boss run the other hell?”

  “Screw you, why should I tell you anything?”

  “Because if he asks me which way you went, I’ll lie for you and say you went in the opposite direction.”

  “You're a fool Jaq if you think you can beat him, he’s the ultimate, he’s been around longer, he’s seen everything and is immortal.”

  “Who said I want to beat him, maybe I want to join him.”

  “No, if that were true, you would have enjoyed your afterlife here. But you didn’t. Plus he’ll exploit your weakness. He’ll find your grandfather before you can, and deal with him. Nope you played your best hand here. You’d better collect your winnings and go home. The next time you come into the tower, he’ll have you and he’ll never let you go.”

  “Next time I come, maybe I’ll bring some friends, maybe he’s the one that should be worried.”

  “Unless you have an extinct dragon in your back pocket, he’ll tear you and your friends apart.”

  “I didn’t realize that dragons ever existed let alone were extinct.”

  “They haven’t been seen for thousands of years that’d make them extinct.”

  ***

  Sara and I walked out of the studio to a changed world, carts were abandoned everywhere. But driver Ken, real name Harry. Waved us over to the cart.

  “Get in Jaq, I owe you more than a ride home but lets start with that OK.”

  “Only if you tell me your name.”

  “It’s Harry, Jaq.”

  “Well it’s so nice to meet you Harry, If I sit up front could you teach me how to drive one of these things?”

  “Sure, come on up.”

  So I did, and the carts were dead simple but they ran on electricity and the only place I’d likely find a charger was near the bungalows or in the city.

  “Harry, do you have any idea how I’d be able to get into hell?”

  “No, sorry I don't, you should have let Elias win, I’m pretty sure his plan was to throw you in there himself.”

  “Very funny Harry.”

  The ride back was very slow, carts were just left where they were sitting. Masters sitting in the back wondering what to do with their afterlife now. Finally we got out and walked the rest of the way back.

  “Harry, you don’t have to walk us back, we'll be fine.”

  “Jaq you don’t get it, I’m not a driver any more, I have nothing to do, so I’m going to follow you. I’d be willing to bet something interesting is going to happen.”

  “Harry I’m planning a trip to literal hell, that’s way beyond interesting into downright dangerous territory. What did you do before you were a driver?”

  “I was a potter.”

  “Were you any good?”

  “I was a master and the head of my guild. My specialty was "Whites of Faenza” which they sold all over Europe.”

  “I’ll bet they don’t make stuff like that in twenty twenty five, you could probably make a fortune, and I have a friend who could help you set up a studio. That’s if I ever make it home.”

  “What did you do Sara”

  “I was a brewer.’

  “Hand crafted beer is all the rage back in Wales, you’re welcome to come along, if you don’t want to stay here.”

  “Thank you Jaq, but I don’t want to go back to Earth, maybe the Barbies and Kens will set up a new utopia where we can all use our real names. But I’ll come back for dinner.”

  We made it back to the bungalow after a very long walk. I went into my bedroom to get the knapsack. The living room was opposite my bedroom and I noticed the glowing light. I didn’t know if that would take me to home or to hell. Should I just jump through it and leave Harry here? It’d be a lot safer than hell. But if the portal takes me home, it is an artist colony, he’d fit right in. Besides, didn't I already have this argument with Aya, it has to be his choice.

  “Harry I have my portal and I’m about to jump but I don’t know if I’m going to hell or home. What would you like to do? Go or stay?”

  Sara rushed out of the kitchen and gave me a hug, Harry followed eating a sandwich, he hooked his arm in mine.

  “I’m coming, I want to see what you do next.”

  With that we stepped into the light.