[Start, Extra]
We are still standing in the town square.
“Elisa are you alright? I know that must have hurt.”
“No I’m fine Maria”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, really. For the past three months I hated the man. Ever since he announced my wedding, he never once asked how I felt about it. In fact when I didn’t jump for joy he instead gave me the lecture on duty, family, country.”
“Yes, I've heard the lecture many times in the past. Well if you’re really sure that you are really alright. Feel free to not answer this incredibly personal question. Are you still a virgin, and would you like to visit a dragon?”
“Yes and Yes”
“Were those your father’s best troops or the farmers he just recruited?"
“Yes, those were the best.”
“Are any likely to vow allegiance to you, do you think?”
“Some maybe.”
“A raise may help, you’re about to become very wealthy so you can afford it.”
The dwarven army set up camp outside of town in a field. Ronan, Elisa and I went to the camp and asked the Thane if a contingent of dwarves could escort the men who do not swear loyalty to Duchess Elisa and her father back to the mine and hold them until we come back for them. He agreed and also loaned us one thousand gold pieces.
Then we went to the area, the dwarves were holding the prisoners asked them to escort them one at a time to a tent we set up to take loyalty pledges. I held the ring so I’d ask them the questions.
The first prisoner came in.
“Do all you soldiers get the same monthly pay?”
“Yes”
Truth. “How much do you get monthly?”
“Five gold pieces.”
Truth.“The duke is no longer duke. Lady Elisa is to be installed as the Duchess as soon as we reach Pinewatch. Do you want to keep your place in her army?”
Elisa began playing with a large handful of gold coins.
“Yes.”
“Come forward, sign your loyalty pledge and receive your monthly salary and another five gold bonus.”
“Are you going to honor your pledge, or switch sides when you can?”
“Honor my pledge”
Truth. “Follow Ronan, he will show you where to set up your tent.”
So it went, Elisa wound up with eighty trustworthy soldiers. Twenty plus the duke were sent back to the mine as prisoners of war. I asked the Thane if we marched to Pinewatch tomorrow and Longfield the next day. Could we be in Pintyde in four days? So with a timeline in hand Ronan, Elisa and I went up the mountain. I was becoming an old hand at this and on horseback we made good time as we knew the fastest route.
With stairs cut into stone at the talus slope the formerly treacherous final part of the climb was now easy. Ronan didn’t want to come in but I insisted.
“Ah the slutty princess and her defiler approach, along with a delicate unplucked flower.”
“Dragon, you are so rude. This is Lady Mountbatten soon to be Duchess Mountbatten and yes as you have deduced she is indeed pure. If you offered her a drink perhaps she might water your eggs for you. And this is my Boy Friend and Chief Advisor, Ronan.”
“Wine, water or beer duchess?”
“Wine please.”
A glass full of wine appeared in her hand.
“Advisor?”
“Beer please.”
A glass of beer appeared in his hand.
A glass of water appeared in mine.
“Hey, how come they get wine and beer and I get water.”
“You’re the ruler, you need to keep a clear head, You can have tea if you prefer. But I assume you have something to discuss, you didn’t just walk up this mountain for no reason, did you?”
“No you’re right, by the present schedule can you meet us at the plateau of sacrifice in four days time.”
“Yes I already promised you I would and I’ll be there. Still planning on a bloodless coup?”
“Yes when my fathers sees you, a dwarven army, and Duchess Mountbatten’s army he’d have to be an idiot to think that the royal guard can win.”
“An idiot maybe but desperate men are very dangerous. I’m glad you were smart enough to send the old duke to the mines.”
“How’d you know that?”
“I told you once before that I was a world class magician, you aren’t the only one who knows the Hearing spell you know.”
“Oh right I thought you were just boasting.”
“I never boast”
Lie.”That’s a lie.”
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“I hardly ever boast.”
Lie.”That’s a lie.”
Ronan began to laugh.
The dragon stared at him, with a golden eye as large as Ronan’s head.
Ronan stops laughing.
“That’s right thief, I haven’t forgotten how you came charging in here to save the slutty princess, it was your virgin juice too. If I’m not mistaken, and I’m never mistaken.”
Ronan freezes.
“No dragon, it was my fault. Ronan saved me from the wolves and I wanted revenge on the paladin who left me and you who started calling me the slutty princess. Don’t hurt Ronan, I was the one who thought she was so clever. I’m the one you should punish, after all I’m the one who wee’d on your eggs in revenge.”
“Then why did you bring Elisa?”
“Because I felt bad about what I did. I wanted to help make it right. Here take back the ring, just let Elisa and Ronan go alright. Please.”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“Please I love him, I know you are a good person, don’t hurt Ronan and Elisa.”
“Good person?”
“Good person or good being or just good dragon I know you are and I deserve whatever punishment you want to mete out but they are innocent.”
“Are you paladin, are you innocent? Didn’t you just stand there and watch the wolves start to attack.”
“Yes, I didn’t want to save her. I wanted to help her save herself, and she did. If you knew when she came in here that she wasn’t a virgin, why let her wee on your eggs, why give her gold and a magic ring? Dragon.”
“She needed that ring at first to trust you and you know it too, paladin. That ring saved your relationship more than it ever hurt it. It even helped you when you learned being honest with the woman you love is actually preferable to lying. So that’s why I gave her the ring. I’m going to be dealing with this slutty woman for the next forty or fifty years. It’s much easier to deal with happy humans than unhappy humans. So I gave her a trifle of a magic ring which she has used to good effect on both you and me and a few others. She is going to be a spectacular Queen of Carnal Delights and if you do anything to break her heart like another sex doll, I’ll find you and rip your heart out, got it.”
“Yeah I get it, she’s right you really are a good person.”
“I’m a damn good dragon. Which is a good deal better than a good person. Ok Rona and Elisa you can wait outside. Ronan, if you use the hearing spell, I will know and I’ll burn you to a crisp. This is a private chat between the slutty princess and me, got it?”
“Yep, got it, we’ll wait outside princess.”
“Hey wait, don't you want me to wee on your eggs?”
“No need Elisa but thanks for the offer.”
“Sure, anytime, but I don’t want to stay a virgin forever.”
“No, I’m sure you don’t.”
“Bye dragon and thanks for the wine, it was really good stuff.”
“Okay Slutty princess so that it’s all out there. That day I took you from the plateau I knew before I unchained you that you weren’t a virgin, that your father was trying to ruin my brood. What I didn’t know is if you were in on the plan. But I learned pretty quickly that you really did think that you were. So I knew that your father had to go and you’d make a pretty good ruler in his place so I pushed you out the door and hoped for the best. Then miraculously the paladin shows up and you save each other's lives. Are you going to be happy with him?”
“Who knows? All I do know is that I love him and I hope so. I mean that I hope that we are happy.”
“Good, and the real reason I sent them both out, you have to explain the rules to Elisa, she’s old enough to understand a girl is a person.”
“Oh, so she’s not a virgin. I’m sorry I almost did it again. I’ll find you a virgin I promise.”
“No need, I don’t need a virgin for my eggs, that's an old wives tale. But promise not to tell.”
“I promise.”
“Oh and the reason I gave you water, I’ll tell you next time I see you. But I want another promise from you right now. Nothing but water from now and until you’ve won your kingdom.”
“Ok I promise.”
“Good I’ll see you in four days”
***
We started to ride down the mountain.
“Ronan, could you ride ahead for a couple of minutes? I just need to speak to Elisa in private.”
“Maria the dragon isn’t mad at me is it?”
“No nothing like that Elisa, it’s just that girls actually do count. I know there was information floating around our school that girls don’t count, but the dragon can tell by sense of smell.”
“Can tell what?”
“If you are a virgin or not.”
“But the girls all said, Maria.”
“I know Elisa, they said the same thing to me. It’s alright all you need to do is find a guy that doesn’t care about stuff like that. It’s not like you wanted to be one of Vesta’s virgins.”
“No you’re right, I’m just glad I know now. If I ever have girls, I’ll tell them the truth before I ship them off to boarding school.”
“Yeah me too Elisa. Me too.”
***
The next morning Elisa’s new recruits took the vanguard as we marched along with the dwarf army into Pinewatch. As we marched through small town after small town the citizens thought that the Slutty Princess was throwing a parade. They came out to cheer and beg for autographs.
When we arrived in Pinewatch we went right to the town square. All the farmers that had been drafted into the duke's army, were being taught to parade on the town's green. They were informed that their service in the army was now revoked and after the town mayor and I named her Duchess of Mountbatten she would formally dismiss them. The soldier / farmers gave a cheer. The rest of the duke's army came and swore their loyalty to Elisa and she paid them and gave them their bonus. She now had a hundred and twenty troops, around the same size as the royal guard.
With that done the Mayor and I held a short ceremony appointing her the Duchess of Mountbatten. The farmers thanked her as she gave each a gold piece for their service, shaking each one’s hand before letting them depart for home.
Then we all marched out of the town and a mile or two down the road to Longfield, we set up camp for the night.
***
In the morning we continued our march to Longfield. Every town we marched through cheered for the Slutty Princess and her army and pointed at the rare sight of dwarves in our kingdom. My hand needed a rest from all the signing. So I was glad when we arrived in Longfield. I went up and knocked on my brother's door. The butler answered. My brothers had been ordered home. When Carter refused they dragged him out in chains. Ivan walked out on his own.
The dragon was right again, my father was a dangerous, ruthless and desperate man. So we marched on. The cheers from the crowds did little to quench the fear I felt for my brothers and sisters. But I still signed the portraits that virtually everyone in the kingdom had. We made camp for the night we were just a little over a day away from the capitol.
