The Naked and Defeated Slutty Princess

  [Proceed, Bureaucracy]

  We made slow progress the next day, I could always ride ahead but that wouldn’t really accomplish much besides increasing the chances that I was captured as well. Tomorrow we will make it to the plateau early in the morning. Hopefully the dragon will be there or get there soon after I arrive.

  Maybe I can make a trade with my father, me for my brothers and sister. After all they’re only in danger because I started this whole thing. It was crazy to think I could beat him or that he wouldn’t hurt the rest of the family.

  Ronan held me in his arms all night, while I cried. But he got me up before dawn, and had me wash my face. Told me to think of the troops following me, they can’t see you crying. You’ll figure this out, he said. We haven’t come this far to lose.

  He’s right of course I have figured it out, it’s really a very simple plan. I need a pen and paper. It’s pretty hard writing while riding a horse, but if the horse is smart and follows another horse it can be done. I got the two letters done, tucked them into my shirt for safe keeping.

  I can see the plateau of sacrifice in the distance. Lots of people are milling about up there. It takes about an hour to reach the plateau. The armies remain on the plain in front of the city. The Thane, Ronan, Elisa and I ascended the worn stone steps of the plateau. The thin air along with the effort required to climb made it difficult to breathe.

  Where the steps ended and the plateau proper began, I found Cormac, Em and twenty or thirty blonde beauties who had been miraculously endowed. I wasn’t jealous, I’m sure they got awful back pains from walking around like that all day. I hope Cormac was getting some of that. Em rushed over and hugged me, Cormac followed but stayed shyly behind Em.

  “Maria, I hope you don’t think I went too far.”

  “Of course not Em, what girl doesn't want her body, pinched, stroked and pushed. Actually I almost killed Ronan when he actually showed me all the things that a doll can do and I hurt my back trying one of the positions touted by the virgins. But seriously, I couldn't have gotten so far without you, you are brilliant and I am sorry for any hurt I caused you in the past. If things go wrong today, please give this letter and record stone to Ronan. I want you to know that I’ve always loved you since that first day we met at school. Now let me give Cormac a hug.”

  “Come here and hug a slutty princess, you big lug. Thank you for all your help. I just have one question for you. How many of the virgins have you slept with, and which one do you like the most?”

  He blushed worse than I ever did.

  “Aha, all of them. But I never initiated it, they’d come to my room on their own. Also I would never play favorites, that’d just be rude. I want you to know that the disgraced priest was found guilty of multiple murders and is awaiting sentencing. I’m positive he’ll hang.”

  “Well I’m just glad he can’t murder any more women that don’t satisfy his ideal of beauty. I wish they’d keep him alive, force him to do hard labor and send his salary to the victims' families. The money to the families would just be a reminder that he is paying for his crimes each and every day.”

  “I’ll mention that to the judge, Maria, that sounds more like justice. Those families will miss those girls their entire lives. Why should the price he pays be over in a matter of minutes.”

  Next I found the Thane.

  “Grimr, please read this, and do what I ask. Thank you for everything and I’m sorry I’ll never live up to the pedestal, you and the others put me on. It’s been such an honor to meet you all.”

  “We can still win, Maria.”

  “I’m sorry the cost is too high. Please just do as I ask?”

  “You have my word.”

  “Then it is already done.”

  ***

  I tried to casually make my way to the stairs, but Ronan, ever vigilant of my needs, hurried over to me.

  “Are you all right Maria?”

  “Yes, yes, I am fine, I just need a minute, it’s emotional meeting everyone again. Grimr needs a word with you, he’s had a new idea, would you please go speak to him. I just need a moment of quiet here alone.”

  “Sure, sure I told you we’d think of something.”

  Slowly I walked down the stone steps, at the bottom I turned onto the street that led into the city. The streets were deserted, the people evacuated in anticipation of a bloody civil war. I was sad that I’d never get to say goodbye to that dragon, he must have overslept. One more slutty princess from him would have been nice.

  As I approached the gates one of the soldiers yelled down from the walls.

  “By order of the king, strip naked, and enter the city if you wish your brothers and sisters to live, if an army approaches their lives are forfeit."

  “No army will approach, I’ve ordered them to stand down. Send out my brothers and sister and I will enter.”

  “Your father says no, come in or they die one by one.”

  “If he hurts even one of them I’ll raze this city to the ground. Then my father can rule over dust. Now send them out and I’ll enter as he has ordered. My armies won’t wait out there forever.”

  A few minutes later the three walked out archers stood on the walls.

  “Quickly get out of range of the archers. I love you all, but get out of range quickly I beg you.”

  Ivan picked up my little sister, Carter said thank you and the trio hurried to make my sacrifice worth something. I stripped and walked through the open gate only to hear it thud and close behind me. There was no escape now. Heavily armed royal guards were the only people on the streets. The only sound I could hear was my own ragged breath. I walked proudly, I might not have achieved my dreams, but my father would not see me broken before I died.

  I was broke the minute I walked away from Ronan, but I would not let him see it. No, I'd think back to the moment I met him, an arrow slew the wolf aimed at my throat. Resisting sleeping even next to him while we camped. But every morning I’d find my body betrayed me as I slept and wrapped myself around him. Even when in the mine, I told myself I hated him, that he’d embarrassed me, betrayed me, it was just a lie, I knew what he did, he did it out of love. So no, my father wouldn’t break me.

  It was a long cold walk up that deserted street into the castle courtyard where more of the royal guard stood. Finally my cowardly father felt safe enough to come out of his castle. Down the steps he came slowly clapping.

  “The mighty slutty princess finally comes home.”

  He walks right up to me, slaps me hard across the face.

  “Nothing to say for yourself, slutty princess?”

  I mumbled a few words.

  “What’s that..’

  The black smoke formed. I caught the spear in my hand, and held it at my fathers throat.

  “Tell your guards to drop their weapons or I slit your throat, father.”

  “Drop your weapons, Maria, be reasonable. If you kill me they’ll kill you.”

  “I don’t care, Carter will be king, I’ve already instructed my armies. When you and I are dead. Your good son will be king.”

  POP.

  “No, I don’t think so. If anyone including her father hurt my Slutty Princess I will eat each and every member of the royal guard. I won’t enjoy it, you’re too stringy and taste bad. But if I burn you alive, until you're crispy it might improve the flavor.”

  I laughed.

  “You’re late dragon.”

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  “Late, I’ve been here the whole time. I walked right behind you. How many times have I told you that I’m a world class magician? You never listen to me. Invisibility spells are trivial to me.”

  “Why didn’t you let me know, I wouldn’t have been so scared.”

  “Because I knew that you, my Slutty Princess could walk alone, naked into a city and conquer it. I was just here to watch you do it. You didn’t need my help. What say the Royal Guard, who wants the Slutty Princess to become the Queen of Carnal Delights.”

  Cheers went up from the guards and yells. “Huzzah for the Slutty Princess.”

  “Now, Royal Guard fall in behind her. You are her honor guard while she escorts her prisoner to her armies.”

  That’s exactly what I did, the streets that’d been cold and silent suddenly were filled with the citizens, cheering for the Slutty Princess and the dragon who waddled behind her, visible this time.

  “Is it still to be a bloodless coup, Slutty Princess.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “You could strip him naked and have him chained to the pillars on the plateau of sacrifice and I could rip him apart for you, if you like.”

  “No, I think the Thane is going to need someone to haul rocks in his new mine, my fathers salary will go to families of people he’s wronged in the past. That way he’ll be paying back the people for the rest of his life. Of course if he ever causes trouble again, feel free to rip him apart, but please do it slowly.”

  “Of course, very slowly, that way I get to enjoy it longer. Royal guard if I might make a suggestion. It might be better to leave your weapons at the gate house. We don’t want any misunderstandings.”

  So they did and we walked out to meet our cheering friends. Ronan was leading the charge toward us, he looked really pissed. I handed my father over to the royal guard and told them to keep him safe. While I talked to Ronan.

  “I’m sorry, okay, I couldn’t tell you the plan, you would have tried to stop me or insisted on coming with me. You know it, I know it.”

  “Cover up, will you, you Slutty Princess.”

  “I forgot I was naked.”

  “How could you forget you were naked. I think you liked it.”

  “I did a little, it kinda felt like my armor, the Slutty Princess armor. We could sell it and make a fortune.”

  He laughed, and hugged me and kissed me and squeezed my arse, then he put his black cloak around me, and hugged me and squeezed me and kissed me some more.

  The dragon said, “I’ll be back tomorrow for the coronation, you are going to let me crown you right?”

  “Yes, that would be very nice.”

  “So I suppose there will be some sort of party tonight right?”

  “Yes I suppose we will, would you like to stay?”

  “No, but you should drink water, you want to be fresh for the coronation.”

  “ A little wine or beer wouldn’t hurt.”

  “Yes it would.”

  “No it wouldn't, I think I deserve a drink after the past few days, let’s do the coronation at night so that way I can sleep in and have a few drinks tonight.”

  “No, you are not queen yet. You will obey me for one final day, then I will become your subject tomorrow after the coronation.”

  “Fine come and we will do the ceremony at noon out front here so anyone in the city can come if they’d like too.”

  “I have your promise then?”

  “Yes dragon you have my promise, but after that coronation, I’m drinking a keg of dwarven beer.”

  Then my brother and sister came over to thank me for freeing them, they wanted to know how I’d turned the tide on my father. I explained the illusion and the conjured spear.

  ***

  That night there was a huge party, everyone was drinking dwarven ale and falling over drunk. Everyone but me. But I did manage to introduce Elisa and my brother, Carter. I really have my hopes that Elisa becomes my sister in a not too distant future but that’s up to them. No more arranged marriages in my kingdom. But a girl can dream right?

  Ronan, seemed very attentive all night long, he usually is but I think I can chalk it up to the events of the day. Grimr physically restraining him, to prevent him coming after me. The Virgins all came over to talk and I thanked them for all their hard work on the statuette and asked if they wanted to keep making new content and new dolls. They all did as did Em. I asked Em to be my Minister of information and Elisa to be the Minister of Mining.

  By Royal Decree I annulled my baby sister’s wedding, post dated tomorrow when I actually can make royal decrees. I also sent a letter to the baron canceling his arrangement with the duke to marry his daughter. I did a lot of decreeing because of my promise to the dragon and I was bored as everyone else was drinking. So Ronan and I snuck off to my old room in the palace and I felt like a naughty school girl who’d snuck I boy into her room in the middle of the night.

  The dragon was right about one thing, I was tired, probably from all those emotions that flowed through my body. I fell asleep in Ronan’s arms.

  ***

  Ronan woke me, a little after dawn. The dragon was in the courtyard making the royal guard very very nervous.

  “Ah the Slutty Princess finally gets up, you better get used to less sleep.”

  “I’m going to be queen, I plan on doing a lot of delegating which reminds me, what do you want to be Minister of State or the Interior?”

  “Minister of State, now focus. The reason I told you to drink water, and you did drink water right?”

  “Yes, I was the boring Slutty Princess sitting in the corner sipping water while everybody else was getting wild. I swear I even saw a dwarf who looked a little tipsy.”

  “Well I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you, you said you wanted a bloodless coup. That’s just what you did. Your boyfriend is hovering so go find out what he wants and come back in a little while.”

  It was odd for Ronan to interrupt the dragon.

  “Maria, my little Slutty Princess, I’ve been in love with you since you started ordering me around on our camping trip to Penham. Will you marry me today during the coronation? The dragon can marry us and make you a Queen at the same time.”

  “Yes Ronan, yes I’d love to marry you.”

  “Good let’s go back and talk to the dragon.”

  Back in the courtyard with Ronan and the dragon.

  “Dragon I have the best news, Ronan has just asked me to marry him, and I said Yes. Will you marry us today?”

  “The Slutty Princess settles down, the kingdom will be devastated, your fans will be devastated. They all thought they had a shot, but some other commoner got picked before them. Well that will make my news even happier I guess.”

  “What’s your news dragon?”

  “There is going to be a sequel.”

  “A sequel, what are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about ‘The Even Sluttier Princess’, she should be here in about eight months or so. We’ll have to let her grow and go to school before you let her get Slutty and be sure to teach her that yes girls count and I want to be a godparent. So what do you think about that?”

  “Holy crap, we’re going to be parents, Ronan, are you okay with that.”

  “More than okay, I’m going to be a dad, you're going to be a mom, we’re going to be married and our daughter is going to be a princess.”

  “Yes an ‘Even Sluttier Princess’” said the dragon.

  “Oh, no she’s not going to be slutty, she's going to be a proper lady, she’s not going to be anything like her mother. She’s never having sex and will always live in the palace with Ronan and I.”

  But even if that’s what I wished I knew it could never be like that, Ronan and I would keep her as safe as we could but she’d have something to say about it too.

  To be continued in ‘The Even Sluttier Princess’