[Proceed, Safety]

  Floating in the black void of Literal Hell, naked, being tickled with a feather by my personal demon. That is not a sentence I thought I’d ever write when I started this journal. My friend, the little foul mouth, Groucho is about to walk into a trap that I sent him on.

  “We have to go save him.”

  “No we don’t you still have thirty minutes of tickle torture, if you tell me what’s your most ticklish spot, I’ll knock ten minutes off and then twenty minutes from now, we can talk about what we do for the rest of the day. Is it that spot behind your knees?”

  “No, we have to go save him now.”

  “We’d already be done if you had just stripped when I asked you the first time. Is it your navel?”

  “No can’t you just torture me later?”

  “No can do babe, we got stuff happening, tell me your most ticklish spot and I’ll knock fifteen minutes off, we’ll be done in ten minutes, come on, your friend’s life is on the line.”

  “Fine, but in ten minutes we will go save, Groucho agreed?”

  “Agreed, now the spot babe is it the g spot?”

  “Euu, no, it’s the soles of my feet and quit sexually harassing me or I’ll report you to HR.”

  “You don’t get it babe, in Literal Hell, human resources teaches us how to harass you in every possible way. Now scream for me baby, Tickle monster incoming!”

  “Stop, please, please stop, I’m going to wet myself. Hahahahahahaha stop, please.”

  “Wow babe, you weren’t lying, the soles of your feet really are your most ticklish spot on your body. We’ll start there tomorrow. You can get dressed now.”

  I started to pick up my clothes but my legs were still really weak, after laughing non stop for fifteen minutes. The demon snapped his fingers and I was standing naked in the middle of the bible study group circle. A very large, very pink ostrich feather floated down from the ceiling. I scrambled to get dressed. A very pretty girl with horns popped into existence, she was unnaturally white, almost powdered white, but the black eye makeup really suited her.

  “Babe, what’s the rush, don’t you want to thank Cheryl for getting us together, and Cheryl I can’t wait until I get my claws into you, rest assured I won’t be using a feather on you. You're so focused on the bible you ignore all the other religions, well we demons work on the karma system. Look it up Cheryl, every little mean girl trick, every racist thought, every xenophobic comment, every person you’ve ever judged I’ll be flaying you alive for hundreds of years. Jaq hand me that picture.”

  I hand her the picture, she hands it to Cheryl.

  “Listen Cheryl, you study that picture, and you study it good, you have until three pm tomorrow afternoon to arrive at Jaq’s house and tell her exactly where and when Colonel Henry Holland was last seen here in hell, or your next bible study will be a demonstration of what a demon gets to do to a truly horrid little person, now hand that photo back and apologize to Jaq and then to me. You sent a girl literally so nice to hell the worst I could do to her was tickle her and sexually harass her for a couple of hours. But you and I, Cheryl, we’re going to have years together, I can’t wait.”

  Cheryl stood up, handed me back the photo, and said. “I’m sorry Jaq, I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Then the idiot turned to the demon and said. “I’ll ascend into heaven and you’ll never get your grubby paws on me.”

  The demon snapped her fingers and Cheryl disappeared. She turned back to the group. “Anybody wants to say anything.” She waited for a beat. “Good, just remember the agnostic, lesbian is under my protection, none of you are allowed to make fun of her admittedly tiny breasts. Do we all understand each other?”

  Nobody dared to speak, they just nodded their heads in the affirmative. What the holy hell was happening.

  “You ready to go babe?”

  I nodded mutely, with a snap of her fingers, we are back at the bungalow.

  “Look Babe I gotta go get Cheryl out of the razor grass meadow I dropped her in before she croaks, we don’t want her to die before she brings you the information you need on Granddad. But if you ever need anything just call Nyxophilia out three times. But babe you can call me Nyx, I was serious when I said I want to be your friend. This was the most fun I’ve had in the last five hundred years. Bye Jaq.”

  “Bye Nyx.” She snapped her fingers and was gone. I stood there in shock for maybe ten seconds, then I started yelling for help.

  Nobody answered, so I ran down to the swamp and started yelling for Groucho, he didn’t answer back. Why the hell did I ever ask him to search the swamp? I think I just wanted to give him a job so he felt like part of the team. But I never thought he’d get hurt, I saw an old rowboat over on Lola’s beach. It was flipped over, bottom side up. I ran over to it and tried to flip it over so I could use it. But it was as if it was vacuum sealed to the beach. I’d try to flip it, when I couldn’t make that happen, I’d turn and face the swamp and scream for Groucho, then I’d turn back again to try to flip the boat again.

  Lola came running from her bungalow.

  “What’s wrong, Jaq?”

  “It’s Groucho, he's in danger, please help me flip over the boat, he’s out in the swamp and I sent him out there.”

  Between the two of us we managed to break the vacuum and flip the boat, I started to push it towards the swamp.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “Wait, Jaq, I’ll get the oars, they’re on my porch.”

  Lola went running for the oars, so I started yelling for Groucho again while I waited. The swamp had a lot of trees that Groucho had planned on using and it seemed the farther from shore the higher the density of trees. Lola was back soon and jumped into the boat, put the oars into the oarlocks and sat down, ready to row.

  “Ok Jaq, shove us out into the water, then jump in.”

  I did what she said.

  “Which way do we go Jaq?”

  “I don’t know Lola, I just told him to check out the swamp. I didn't give him directions, I just told him to look around.”

  “Alright, I’ll row you holler for Grouchy.”

  So that’s what we did, we kept rowing around and I kept hollering. But there was no sign of Groucho, he didn’t yell back, and of course he didn’t leave any tracks as he swung from limb to limb.

  After a while we switched and I rowed and Lola yelled, but we made horrible progress as I was terrible at rowing, whereas Lola was a pro. After running into my eighth or ninth tree. A barely rested Lola wanted to switch back to rowing. I was supposed to keep yelling for Groucho and directing Lola from the ever increasing number of trees rising up from the swamp. It was starting to get dark, maybe Harry can find Groucho, he saw Draco when Draco was invisible.

  “Lola we have to turn back, I think maybe Harry can find Groucho, Let me row for a while you are exhausted.”

  We switched and Lola gave me basic instructions on rowing while yelling intermittently for Groucho. At least Lola knew her way around the swamp so with her directions and advice on rowing we were back on her beach before it turned pitch black. Once we pulled up on the beach I went running for the house. I told Lola to go home and I’d come or Groucho would come over as soon as we found him.

  Then I ran for the house shouting for Harry and Draco before I even arrived. Harry walked out onto the porch and I started to explain, but he pulled me inside so Draco could hear what I was talking about.

  I told them about the demon and her warning me about Groucho walking into a trap. I told them how Lola and I rowed out looking for him and there was no sign.

  “Harry, I thought maybe you could find him because you found Draco even though no one else could see him due to the invisibility spell. Will you come out with me if I row, maybe you could see him even in the dark?”

  “Ahem, giant flying Dragon here, we don’t need a rowboat, we need some rope to tie a collar around my neck. Harry can sit on my back and hold onto the rope, we can cover a lot more ground. So look around for anything rope-like.”

  “I saw some in the boat, I’ll go get it, but I’m coming too.”

  Both of them shouted no your not at the same time, I ignored them and ran off for the rope. Why did I ever have to send him into a swamp? I found the rope, it was a knotted mess, I worked as quickly as I could to untie the rope from the front of the boat, meanwhile kicking myself for being stupid and not bringing a kitchen knife.

  Just before I was starting on the last knot attaching the rope to the boat, Harry came jogging up with a sharp knife, he ignored the knot and sliced the rope right next to it. I can only hope that it’s long enough to go around Draco’s neck. We both raced back to the house to find a full sized Draco waiting on the back lawn.

  He bent his neck to allow Harry to throw the rope over his back, I ran around and grabbed the dangling end, handing off to Harry to tie the knot. I tried to scramble onto Draco’s back. But slid off the slippery scales. I walked in front of Draco, grabbing the rope.

  “If I can’t get on your back, I’ll just hold onto the rope in front.”

  “Jaq, get out of the way, we’re ready to go.”

  “No, Harry help me onto Draco’s back or I’ll just hang here. You didn’t send the little guy, I did and I’m helping to search for him. Now let’s go.”

  Draco said, “Help her up Harry, she’s right, we don’t need to waste time arguing right.”

  “Okay, Jaq grab my arm, swing your leg up, that's it, now put your arms around my waist and hold on tight. Do you have a good grip?”

  “Yes, I’m ready.” I was also deadly afraid of heights but it never even occurred to me as I climbed up here and I absolutely wasn’t about to get off now.

  “Let’s go Draco, we’re ready.” Harry said.

  Like a shot we were up in the air, wind was whipping my face. I looked down and could see some vague black shadows below. That was all I could see. I wasn’t terrified, I couldn’t see enough to be terrified. I realized I shouldn’t have come. I was a liability and Harry and Draco had been too kind not pointing it out.

  I would just do the very little I could to help, give an encouraging word, not complain about anything. Draco kept moving higher. Finally flattened out.

  “Harry, do you see any sign of magic in any direction?” Draco yelled.

  Harry yelled back, “Maybe over to your left about twelve degrees, can we get closer.”

  In response Draco changed direction and started into a dive. I was determined not to scream in Harry’s ear. After we found Groucho, I was going to swim back, because flying really wasn’t my thing. There was a darker black shadow straight ahead.

  Draco yelled “Harry on this island straight ahead?”

  “Yes, definitely magic.”

  “Hold on, we're landing.”

  “Harry, Jaq, keep quiet now we want the element of surprise

  Then with a bump, we were on a sandy beach. It smelled even worse here, than on the mud beach back by the bungalow.