I found a battery. It worked but the memory chips I found in Audrey were blank. So like everything, disappointing but exactly what I needed. So now I’m going to do recordings and transfer them into the journal as *recorded. It’s more work but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s all part of what’s going on
The lucid dream last night or stored memory as Bobby has said in his writing drove me straight outside in just dawn for the walk. I had to let it roll around with deep gulps of oxygen and no thinking, letting anything surface while still fresh. My parents likewise owned a farm and raised dent corn for silage and stored it in a silo connected to the barn. A lot of farmers in the area who had livestock bought it. I’d forgotten this. Here’s my recollection of the lucid dream, now as I continue to record this bizarre time.
‘Jenna, would you be my little helper and go fetch four ripe eggplants with a flashlight, so I can do some prep for making moussaka for your uncle Joe and the family who are coming tomorrow?’ The night was hot enough to make you sweat without doing nothing, so I had just shorts and a tee shirt on. Being a tomboy and fearless like my daddy, I wasn’t scart of nothin. The night was dark, little moon and the crickets were still fiddling with the scent of rain still in the air. I heard old Pudge clawing the rotten trees up for grubs on the other side of the road near the creek. Walking over to the fenced in area I opened up the squeaky gate and to the far end where the viny stuff was. Some of the just dug up dirt felt good on my bare feet. Found them and as I was bending over to search for the ripe ones, the flashlight went out. ‘Shit’, but there was enough light from the flood on the top of the barn to see enough. I was looking for the last one when the barn door opened and my father came out and headed for the house. I was going to say hi or shout out but decided to keep looking and get back inside. A few more minutes it seemed, slowly head back to the gate when the barn door opened again and a woman dressed like one of the Ag inspectors came out with a clip board and walked toward the road and disappearing from sight. I thought she must have been inspecting things because I went on like no big deal and when I got back in my daddy was there sittin at the kitchen chair facing the door looking straight at me. I went over, kissed him and said ‘Hello daddy, you working late tonight, huh?’ You could hear momma turning on the clothes dryer and putting clothes in the washer as he put a finger up to his lips and smiled.'
My heart was pounding fast when I woke, realizing I’d forgotten it because at the time, it was just normal. And the look in his eyes and him looking at me different from then on and me not realizing that it was a warning stare. And the sharpness of it was as if I was there, my human not knowing but with my new eyes feeling everything that was going through him when he realized I’d been outside. And the dawning, that my mother knew and had sent me out to know.
*recording during a slow run
It’s karma, that must be dealt with head on.. Oh Goddess! yes, okay, I knew, it was always there, the looks my mother would give him, the arguing late at night about anything, always there, and in me, never trusting, making men do backward flips to get my attention, then ignoring them except for bobby, why, because he was the most honest person I’d ever met, shy, respected my thoughts right away, asked me for advice, drilled hard into my eyes when I spoke like he was finding out the secrets of life, and then being with him the easiest thing that I’d ever done, and what happens, he writes a beautiful woman kisses him which he forgets then remembers and BOOM, all that is wiped away with all the old baggage from daddy and momma doing nothing, grinning and bearing it like a trooper, my father said to me, like a little trooper who knows who wears the pants. Uhg! And my mother wanting me to know which is why she sent me out and me building a wall to prevent that from happening to me. And what of these karmic recollections that loosen long held knots, do I have to go thru Karma 101 before I can move any further, see bobby, add more apps, see the wizard..I’ve got what bobby has..what bobby got..so do I read bobby now for what’s coming..what’s coming .. but I’m slower..slower..not happening as fast..goddess..like it was friggin real..could smell momma and the scents of the kitchen..the cinnamon..the hot night air and shit from the cows..all of it..as real as it was then…
During the week, I’ve become a junkie of The Word. It makes you feel that you’ve got a front row seat to Meltdown, not that’s good but at least it keeps me in the loop. There’s too much bible thumping and not enough sciency stuff but if you watch it long enough, you see everything! It’s been six days since I decided to think on another word the Bobby wrote on a single page, LUNA, and finally, as I was almost falling asleep on the futon, I heard it. Opening up my eyes, I see this guy with a huge beard dressed like a homeless man on a corner of an empty city, with shit all over the streets, broken windows and him brushing stuff off his torn shirt with one hand as if there were bugs on it or something and the other pointing up saying that the reason for meltdown was that, pointing up.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
I was about to turn it off when the whole thing changed. It started of as a kind of anomie thing with three buffed up anomie girl super heroes sitting on a branch high up in a tree saying they were the three fates and here to fix the planet. Cool, I thought, some entertainment. I usually turn off Word, after I get enough bad stuff so this was nice. Then, all three jump off the high branch and as they’re falling, they turn into real older girls with black masks, blue capes, sleeveless shirts, spandex black pants with bare feet and super toned. They were beautiful!
They stood there for a while listening, then all began running in the same direction over fallen trees, ducking, swerving, stopping for seconds, listening. Some used lower branches, catching and jumping over obstacles while sniffing with their noses, fanning out. Secondary roads were cluttered with abandoned vehicles used as steppingstones. It was a rush to watch since it all looked real. They moved with a sort of clumsy grace, never falling and smiling like they were really into it! I wished I could do that.
I began looking for how if it was real, I know but listen, how it could be shot. Oh, God, every once in a while, I think I’m losing it, seriously with no one to talk to with the world raging around me, but then I get confirmation. (I found a thesaurus in a box of Bobbys books in audrey and am always using it now to get the right word) I got close to the tv and watched in the trees and just as they turned off the road into a field, I saw it! Guess what? Yup, two drones, one wing and a tail. That blew my mind!
Okay, it may not mean anything, and anything could be made up if you have the right stuff, but it was like a mistake that we weren’t supposed to see. The other thing about the girls is that there are touches that look like AI generated, maybe the muscle, faces and movements but if the whole thing is fake why the drones? They began running, but this time not straight but almost like dancing, weaving in and out of each other, laughing and singing something, the damn wind picked up with some big gusts and knocked the damn show off air. Snow! I screamed at God and said what the fuck! Sorry I did that but hey, again! Like my granny used to say one step forward, two steps back, although its not exactly like that because every little thing adds up like a jigsaw puzzle slowly showing its picture. I hadn’t seen anything entertaining for three months so I was pissed.
I took out more boxes from audrey to look through them to see if I could find anything else and what do you know! There was personal papers of Bobby of his time in the military and one of them was a citation for 'heading a Special Ops operating the Gen 008 Reaper, one of the first to interface with the quantum lunar SatNet, having a remarkable learning curve given the slow downloads at first and flaws until the Station was brought into the mix. You were able to locate and decipher point of origin within seconds of dispatch and give coordinates to four other outposts and save a convoy of incredibly valuable cargo and save many lives as well as operate the WHO’s to bring critical medication to those severely injured.'
He got a fucking purple medal and never said a word! Not a damn peep! WTF! And does the lunar SatNet have anything to do with LUNA? So, all of a sudden, I don’t know him as much as I thought! Is that where he went! Back and didn’t tell me! I wrote on a piece of paper and tacked it up with the single word clues ~ Bobby was a tech genius and hid it from me!
Since then, ideas have been growing quicker than lettuce. Was the woman like a secret weapon. Did she tell him something, give him orders for a special mission, being called back? Now, I feel as though too much is coming all at once. After begging for answers for weeks, I’m suddenly getting a flood and still aren’t any closer to where my Bobby has gone.
