The problem with running away from a dinosaur in Oakhaven was that everything was now round.

  "I have no hold on the ground!" Gideon yelled.

  The Knight was flailing. His new junior mode roller skates were bright pink and plastic were sinking into the spongy puzzle mat street. Every time he tried to take a step, his wheels spun uselessly or slipped sideways.

  "I am a warrior, not a carriage!" Gideon shouted, his legs doing the splits as he rolled backward. "My ankles defy the laws of gods!"

  "Just roll with it!" Kai yelled, grabbing Viscount Pigglesworth by the back of his velvet coat. "Literally! Just roll!"

  Behind them, the massive purple mascot lumbered around the corner. It didn't run; it skipped. Every time its foot hit the ground, a comical BOING sound effect echoed through the town.

  "I love you..." the dinosaur sang, distorted and slow, like a warped record. "You love me..."

  "I do not consent to this affection!" Pigglesworth shrieked, flailing his cane. "I am a married man! Well, I was! Briefly! She left me for a Duke, but the principle stands!"

  They rounded the corner into what used to be the Market Square. The stone fountain was gone, replaced by a giant, plastic ball pit. The stalls were now brightly colored playhouses.

  Suddenly, the sky flickered. The smiling sun stopped spinning.

  DING-DONG-DING.

  The school bell chimed again. A massive, bubbly text box appeared in the air, blocking out the sun.

  [ NEW ACTIVITY ALERT! ] [ GAME: The Floor is Lava! ] [ RULES: Touching Red Liquid = Immediate Respawn at Checkpoint A! ]

  "Checkpoint?" Kai read the text, his eyes narrowing. "Respawn?"

  The colorful puzzle mat ground began to bubble. The blue and yellow foam tiles dissolved. In their place, a thick, glowing, red liquid surged up.

  It bubbled. It churned. It smelled... like excessive garlic.

  "Is that..." Pigglesworth sniffed the air, his nose wrinkling. "Is that peasant stew? It smells like a tavern lunch special."

  "It’s Spicy Tomato Lava," Kai shouted, jumping onto a nearby bench. "Don't touch it! My intuition says it triggers a 'Respawn'. It’ll teleport us back to the start!"

  "Start?" Gideon asked, clinging to a lamp post as his wheels spun against the curb. "You speak in riddles, Wizard! Oakhaven is a free city! We are not pieces on a game board to be played with!"

  "Exactly!" Kai yelled at the sky, his developer instincts flaring up. "You can't just instance a public zone! This is an Open World sandbox! If you force a level restart in a persistent environment, you create time paradoxes for the other players! It’s lazy coding! It’s a cheap asset flip!"

  [ CRITICISM IGNORED: Have Fun! ]

  "Like it will listen to feedback," Kai muttered. "Up! Get to high ground!"

  "To the ramparts!" Gideon pointed to the roof of the Blacksmith’s shop (which was now a bouncy castle).

  Gideon tried to jump. But the wheels don't jump. He rolled forward, hit the curb, and launched himself like a projectile, crashing onto the low roof with a plastic CLACK.

  "I meant to do that!" Gideon yelled, scrambling to his knees.

  Kai turned to Pigglesworth. The soup was rising fast, lapping at the legs of the bench.

  "I cannot climb," Pigglesworth declared, crossing his arms. "I am wearing velvet."

  "I don't have time for this," Kai growled.

  He hadn't used his "Magic" in a long time. Not since the Trash Zone. He thought the Auditor script had patched his admin access when it deleted the Spam Curse.

  But looking at the soup rising toward his sneakers, Kai felt that familiar itch in his brain. The UI was glitching. The code was loose.

  "Just... Elevate!" Kai shouted, pointing at Pigglesworth. He threw his hand up, hoping for a simple levitation script.

  The air shimmered. A command prompt flickered into existence, uninvited.

  [ PARSING INPUT: "Elevate" ] [ ... ] [ AUTO-CORRECT: Did you mean "CELEBRATE"? ]

  "What? No!" Kai screamed at the floating text. "I said ELEVATE! Don't you dare…."

  [ APPLYING: CELEBRATE ]

  POOF.

  A party hat appeared on Pigglesworth’s head. A party horn appeared in his mouth. Confetti exploded from his pockets.

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  Fooooeeee! went the party horn.

  "I feel festive!" Pigglesworth shouted, confused. "Why do I feel the sudden urge to dance?"

  "Useless spaghetti code!" Kai grabbed Pigglesworth’s collar and physically hauled the celebrating Viscount onto the roof just as the bench vanished under the marinara.

  They collapsed on the bouncy roof. Oakhaven was gone. It was now an ocean of glowing red tomato soup. The only things sticking out were the rooftops and the plastic clouds.

  "We are stranded," Gideon whispered, his wheels clicking as he tried to stand still on the wobbling surface.

  Kai looked at his friends. Gideon was a plastic toy struggling to balance. Pigglesworth was partying against his will. And Maya... Maya looked terrified.

  "It’s rewriting us," she whispered, gripping her brush. "I tried to think of a spike trap earlier, and my brain just... filled with feathers. It’s inside my head, Kai."

  "We are getting to the Admin Console," Kai said, his voice hard. "And we are killing this mode. Maya, I need a bridge to the Library. Can you do it?"

  Maya nodded, swallowing her fear. She dipped her brush into the air. "Paint: Steel Walkway!"

  POOF.

  The green light flashed. The steel bridge dissolved into a bright, rainbow colored plastic slide that looped wildly before ending near the Library roof.

  [ SAFETY CHECK: Steel is heavy! Let's have fun! ]

  "A slide?" Maya cried. "I drew a bridge!"

  "It’s playground physics," Kai groaned. "Efficiency is banned. Fun is mandatory. Go!"

  He shoved the partying Pigglesworth down the tube. The Viscount screamed Foeeee! as he hit the loops. Gideon followed, shouting "For the Squeak!"

  Kai jumped in last. The world blurred into a nausea-inducing rainbow tunnel.

  [ REAL WORLD INTERLUDE ] [ Location: London Office ]

  Dave was not having a good day.

  He was staring at the server tower under his desk. A thin wisp of white steam or maybe smoke was rising from the top vent.

  "Oh god," Dave whispered, his face draining of color. "It's frying. The coffee hit the power supply unit."

  He looked at the ceiling. He looked at the smoke detector directly above his desk.

  If that detector went off, the sprinklers would activate. If the sprinklers activated, the entire server farm would be destroyed. He wouldn't just be fired; he would be sued into the stone age.

  "No, no, no!" Dave hyperventilated. "I have to put it out! I have to cool it down!"

  He couldn't use water. He couldn't use the fire extinguisher (the powder would ruin the chips).

  His eyes darted to a can of compressed air sitting on a stack of invoices.

  "Air!" Dave grabbed the can. "Blow the fire out! Smother it!"

  He didn't think. Panic overrode physics. He jammed the nozzle into the PC case vents. But because he was shaking, and because he was reaching under the desk, he held the can upside down.

  "Die, fire, die!" Dave screamed, squeezing the trigger.

  When you hold a can of compressed air upside down, it doesn't shoot air. It shoots propellant, a freezing liquid.

  PSSSSSHHHHHHHH.

  A cloud of cryogenic fog blasted into the overheating computer.

  [ OAKHAVEN - JUNIOR MODE ]

  They landed on the Library roof in a tangle of limbs, plastic armor, and confetti. Gideon rolled out of the slide backward, tripping over his own skates and crashing into a soft foam chimney.

  "Safe," Gideon gasped, clutching The Judge. "The Rainbow Tube was treacherous, but we survived."

  "My cravat is upside down," Pigglesworth complained, ripping the party hat off his head. "And I demand to know who authorized the festivities!"

  "The wind..." Kai stood up, sniffing the air.

  It didn't smell like marinara anymore. It smelled sharp. Chemical. Like ozone and dry ice.

  WHOOOOOOSH.

  A blast of freezing air slammed into Oakhaven. It wasn't just wind; it was a polar vortex.

  "HALT!" screamed a voice from the chimney. "OBSERVE THE OCTAGON OF DENIAL!"

  They looked up. Borg the Warrior was standing on the chimney. But he looked wrong.

  The cultist was wearing a bright yellow safety vest over his rags. In his hand, he held a red Stop Sign. His eyes were wide and manic, fighting against his own mouth.

  "Borg?" Gideon cheered. "Brother of the Wheel!"

  "I am... The Crossing Guard?" Borg said the words, but he looked confused, as if the System had forced them out of his throat. He shook his head and screamed: "NO! I am the Keeper of the Red Hexagon! The voices in the sky demanded I wear the Vest of Visibility! They say I must protect the... the Pedestrians?"

  Borg looked at the Stop Sign in horror. "What is a Pedestrian? Is it a type of cheese? I do not wish to protect cheese!"

  "He’s being overwritten," Kai realized. "The Junior Mode logic is forcing him into a 'Safe' NPC role. Borg, come with us!"

  "I cannot!" Borg’s arm jerked up, holding the sign high against his will. "The Sign commands me! It says... Wait for the Walk Signal!"

  "There is no Walk Signal!" Kai yelled over the roar of the freezing wind. "Gideon! Your armor! It’s plastic! It’s light!"

  "I am buoyant?" Gideon asked, his wheels spinning as the wind pushed him toward the edge.

  "You're a kite!" Kai pointed. "Maya! Paint a sheet on his back! Make a parachute!"

  Maya slashed her brush. [Paint: Canvas Sheet]

  POOF.

  The System autocorrected. It wasn't a canvas sheet. It was a giant, multicolored Parachute attached to Gideon’s belt.

  The wind caught it instantly.

  "I AM ASCENDING!" Gideon roared as the parachute inflated. The lift yanked him off the roof. His roller skates spun freely in the air.

  "Chain up!" Kai yelled.

  He grabbed Gideon’s left leg. Maya grabbed the right. Gideon grabbed Pigglesworth’s coat just as the noble began to slide off the roof.

  They were lifted into the air, a human chain dangling beneath a roller-skating knight, soaring over an ocean of freezing tomato soup.

  "This is not a dignified mode of transport!" Pigglesworth yelled, his legs kicking over the bubbling lava which was rapidly turning to ice.

  "Steer, Gideon!" Kai shouted. "Lean left!"

  "I cannot steer!" Gideon laughed maniacally, his wheels spinning in the void. "I am a leaf on the wind! I am the cloud!"

  Below them, the Purple Dinosaur waded through the soup, waving a fuzzy hand at them.

  "Bye bye!" it sang. "Bye bye!"

  Kai looked down at the smiling, colorful nightmare.

  "I hate this game," Kai muttered.

  A bright, cheerful notification popped up in his face:

  [ +50 EXPERIENCE FOR MAKING A NEW FRIEND! ]

  "And the worst part," Kai whispered, "is that the game loves me for it."