[Loosely, Extravagant]
I went out the kitchen door as soon as I heard Lola’s start to giggle, I was only about halfway to the swamp before the smell really hit, but it wasn’t the smell that drove me back towards the house, it was the mosquitos, I walked back toward the back door but the giggles had been replaced by moans. I started to hum and as fast as I could I jogged for the sidewalk. There wasn’t anything else for me to do so I started walking around the neighborhood.
If I saw anyone, I’d walk over to introduce myself and show them granddad’s photo. I didn’t really expect to find any information about him that randomly, but I couldn’t think of a more efficient way. With any luck at all I’d get into the records the day of Cheryl’s swearing in ceremony. In the meantime just talking to random people wouldn’t hurt, of course it could never erase that awful moaning sound I’d heard in the house between Lola and Groucho. I’m just happy I’ll never know which of them was moaning.
I saw Harry exit a house and a woman give him a peck on the cheek, before she ducked back inside.
“So it’s not just my girlfriend that you can charm the pants off in less than half a day.”
“You know I did that for your own benefit. Forcing you to admit that you had feelings for the girl, I could clearly see she was besotted with you.”
“Did you learn anything useful? Harry.”
“Only that Hell is a christian theocracy, and I already knew that living not far from Rome in 1542. What could be worse than a religion controlling the government, imposing every one of their stupid rules on the entire country. Believers and non believers alike. I love how one of religion's biggest premises is that god gave us all free will, then religion does everything in their power to take away that free will and impose ‘gods will’. “
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s a dictatorship too. The ‘leader’ has been their leader for over fifty years.”
“Yeah, Martha just told me, what a wonderful leader he is. She’s sure that the assembly will just keep voting for him forever.”
“I met an assembly woman, who just got elected by our study group. The day after tomorrow she gets sworn in and I’m going along. Maybe I can get into some kind of records. Find out if grandpa is now or ever was here. Also I found out that Heaven has had many revolutions in the past and after a few weeks letting the workers blow off steam. ‘God’ sends another ‘Angel’ to run the place. Why didn’t you tell me Harry, you must have lived through more than one of them?”
“Yes I'd lived through them before, I even helped start one once before. But far and above your revolution was the fastest and the only bloodless one. I am so amazed that you went in there after just a couple of days you took them down, and I didn’t hear of even one person getting injured. You can’t control what people believe, even if you could, you shouldn’t. That would just make you the worst kind of dictator. You can’t prove that there isn’t a god and even if you could some people would still believe in him.
“Yeah I suppose you are right. Oh and Groucho is having sex with the girl next door, I think you should talk to him, make sure he’s staying safe.”
“I hadn’t even given him any good double entendres to use yet.”
“Nope he didn’t need them, he had his own, “Wow you have a great set of knockers.”, so talk to him, make sure he’s alright.”
“I will, but tell me, Jaq, did she?”
“Yes, they are very impressive.”
“Good for Groucho, you know under all that bluster is a sensitive person.”
“I do that’s why I don’t want him to get hurt.”
“Jaq, he’s going to get hurt, we all do every time we open up and we keep on doing it because every time it’s like the best time to be alive.”
“Look at you Harry, you renaissance romantic you. I knew you were a good man the first time I met you, although I almost stabbed you a few times after introducing you to Frida.”
He laughed, “Thanks I thought you were pretty great too when I met you, you were the first ‘master’ to really see me and I never once thought of stabbing you. So what are we supposed to do until you can get to the records?”
“I couldn’t think of a thing except walk around and ask random people if they knew him.”
“Jaq, why don’t we go to the market, we can buy food for dinner and breakfast, plus there will be a lot of people in a central location, and not just from our neighborhood we can show them your picture of the Colonel, see if anyone knows or knew him.”
“Harry, sometimes you can be pretty brilliant. It’s still a long shot, but it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”
So that’s what we did: we got some staples for breakfast and dinner and spoke to nearly every patron or clerk in the store, showing the picture to anyone who’d look. We got a few people who refused to look, they said that it was forbidden and that we’d be punished. I also asked if the clerks knew anywhere I could get the picture copied. No one knew of a store anywhere in hell that copied photos.
We went back to the house to start fixing dinner. It was quiet when we got back, so I ducked my head into the living room to see if Groucho was around. He and his girl were in various states of undress and sound asleep in each other's arms.
I went back into the kitchen and started rattling some pots around, even though we were having sandwiches for supper. A few minutes later Groucho and Lola came into the kitchen.
“I thought you two had gone out somewhere. Lola, would you like to stay for dinner?”
“I can’t, I gotta get home, I got a date tonight I can’t get out of. I’ll see you tomorrow, Grouchy.”
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
“Bye Lola, thanks for the best afternoon of my life.”
She giggled, “yeah for me too, you are very talented.”
“Look at that arse Jaq, it’s almost as good as her knockers.”
Lola yelled back, “Stop it Grouchy, you're making me blush.”
***
Groucho, Harry and I were in the kitchen having a sandwich with some tea, I didn’t trust that sulfur smelling tap water without boiling it. There was a loud pounding on the door. I went over and opened the door. A huge guy shoved me aside with his arm, Harry and Groucho stood up to defend me, but the guy was alreadying heading into Harry’s direction.
“You're dead, you think you can sleep with my girl and get away with it, I’m going to beat your a...”
“It wasn’t him, it was me,” said Groucho.
“It couldn’t be you, you're a talking monkey.”
“I am a chimpanzee, one of the great apes and your closest living relative. I did indeed sleep with your girl friend and she was fantastic. If you’d like to try to hurt me, I suggest we step into the back yard as I don’t want my friends to witness the ass whipping I’m about to give you.”
Groucho unstrapped the helmet and handed it to me and walked out the back door, crooking a finger at the big goon, by now Lola was in the back yard with a bright red splotch mark on her right cheek, where I can only assume that the goon had slapped her, hard. She was trying to get between Groucho and the goon. But Groucho was so fast, he darted from behind Lola launching himself like a missile at the goons legs, as the goon was attempting to get at Lola.
Groucho hit him just below the knees and the goon went down face first on the grass, somehow Groucho was standing on his back with an arm in each hand, slowly bending them back. The goon started to scream for Groucho to stop, Groucho just held the arms there while the goon started to cry. After ten seconds or so, Groucho let go of his arms, walked over to me with his hand out for the helmet.
The goon was still sniveling when he managed to get up and stumble out of the yard. Lola came over and picked Groucho up, putting him on her hip while he tried to strap on the helmet. Harry and I went back into the kitchen, to give them a little privacy.
Draco became visible.
“What did I tell you, Jaq, hilarious.”
“It wouldn’t have been funny if Groucho was hurt.”
“He wasn’t going to get hurt, I was right there, if that idiot had laid a hand on Groucho, I’d have frozen him in his tracks. But I knew he couldn’t. You don’t realize just how strong he is because of his size, you equate him to a little kid. But he is at least as strong as that criminal who assaulted the poor girl. Plus he has ten times maybe twenty times the agility and basically four hands. That idiot never stood a chance even if he hadn’t completely underestimated Groucho. It was more likely that I’d have had to stop Groucho from permanently injuring the guy.”
Groucho came into the kitchen, grabbed his sandwich. “I’m going over to Lola’s for the night in case that jerk comes back.”
“You could invite her in for supper Groucho.”
“Thanks Jaq, but I think she’s a little embarrassed, you know. How about tomorrow night instead.”
“Sure that’s a good idea, you were very brave taking on that big goon by yourself and defending Lola. Well done.”
“All right, I'll see you guys tomorrow.”
***
At breakfast the next morning Draco told us that he’d flown around all day looking for granddad but there was no sign of him. I filled him in on the assembly and my in with Cheryl. I was pinning a lot onto getting into the records. I had more bible study at noon, but until then I’d keep walking around , showing granddad’s picture.
A sleepy eyed chimp walked in and sat at the table, we handed him the cereal and milk.
Draco asked. “Groucho did you sleep OK, you look really tired.”
“Very funny, Draco, you didn’t trust me. You didn’t think I could take that jerk?”
“No I knew very well that you could and I told Jaq, I was there to stop you doing permanent damage, not the other way around.”
“Oh, ok, well thanks for having my back big guy.”
I asked, “Where’s Lola? Still sleeping?”
“Yeah, but I promised you I’d check out the swamp this morning.”
“I can do a fly over, the place smells horrendous. You don’t really want to swing from tree to tree in there do you?”
“Yeah, I came along to help find the old coot and I haven’t helped out at all, yet so let me take a look at the swamp, it’s the least I can do.”
***
I spent the morning walking around showing the picture to people. I looked for a shopping district but the only shop I could find was the market Harry and I visited yesterday. In the back of my mind I worried about what to do about Groucho and Lola.
What if Groucho doesn’t want to go back to the barn, he has as much right as anyone to decide what he wants for himself. But then Maz will be devastated. He loves the little foul mouth. What if Lola wants to come back with us, I can’t really guarantee her a place at Tregaron, if the estate were mine that’d be a different matter. I could try and help her find a job in town.
Finally after striking out finding granddad, and no brilliant ideas for Groucho and Lola. I headed to Nicole’s for Bible Study.
